I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who’s planning to read it (your rulers are afraid of you)

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked

about Clinton’s book. She said she thought it was sad. Which is

true. I mean, it is — I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who’s

planning to read it, but at the end of the book, Donald Trump

becomes president. –Jimmy Kimmel

Ben Carson did not make a particularly strong impression last night. Ben Carson, to me, comes off like a guy who grabbed the wrong drink at Bill Cosby's house. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which, let’s be honest, is going to make for an interesting prom (a 30 foot tall rainbow dragon)

A school in a small village in the French Alps recently experienced a decrease in class size. So in order to avoid a school closure, a local farmer enrolled, and we are not making this up, fifteen of his sheep in the school. Which, let’s be honest, is going to make for an interesting prom. --James Corden

After a very close vote, the city of Denver, Colorado, just became the first city in the nation to decriminalize hallucinogenic mushrooms. The announcement was made by Denver’s mayor, a 30 foot tall rainbow dragon that totally has your dad’s face. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

since I flew to an island with my buddy Jeffrey Epstein (a careful study of socks)

RFK Jr. claims teenage boys in the 1970s had twice as much sperm as today’s teens. This after a careful study of socks. —Greg Gutfeld

Tiger Woods appeared earlier today in a Florida courtroom. He wasn't scheduled to appear. He just lost control of his SUV and crashed into the courthouse. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump is traveling to China with Elon Musk, Tim Cook, and 15 billionaire CEOs. I haven't seen that many billionaires on a plane since I flew to an island with my buddy Jeffrey Epstein. —Greg Gutfeld. 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s a big talker! He yaps (Your government despises you)

Tuesday was just another crazy day here in the United States of America! The president promised, then called off, destructive attacks in Iran by 8pm that evening. Probably the most dangerous episode of the Celebrity Apprentice yet. We’re coming to you from Los Angeles for the local time’s just after 5pm, which was Trump’s deadline for Iran to ‘Open the F-ing strait or you’ll be living in hell.’ 

Trump gave a hard cut-off time of right now. And then this morning he wrote, ‘A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again,’ in a post on his social media platform Truth Social. You realize that this is the same man who was just bitching about losing the Nobel peace prize? Now he’s threatening a civilization with death. He went from Mahatma Gandhi to General Zod like that. So all day today everyone, most notably the people of Iran, were wondering if their civilization was going to die tonight. 

Well, good news, it didn’t. It was the Taco Tuesday of all Taco Tuesdays. Our president decided not to drop the chalupa for at least another two weeks. This is how it goes every single time Trump says something insane. He says, ‘I’m going to kill everybody tomorrow at 5pm.’ Then we all freak out and then he backs off. He’s like, ‘You know what? Actually, I’ll kill everyone in two weeks.’ 

Then we relax, and then he forgets he ever said it in the first place. He has the memory and the skin color of a goldfish. Perhaps the worst part was how relaxed the congressional Republicans are about it. He threatens to annihilate a civilization, they’re like ‘Well, you know how he is. He’s a big talker! He yaps.’ —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They're hoping to encourage workers to spend more time with their mistresses (President Roomba)

"France has passed new legislation that makes it illegal to work after 6 p.m. They're hoping to encourage workers to spend more time with their mistresses." –Seth Meyers

French President Emmanuel Macron said in a new interview that artificial intelligence could totally jeopardize democracy if left unchecked. But at this point, I'd be willing to try President Roomba. --Seth Meyers

At a campaign event in Wisconsin yesterday, a 16-year-old boy threw an egg at Donald Trump but missed. And I can’t quite explain it, but somehow it hit Jeb Bush. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Bitter, with hints of anger and resentment (invisibility cloak)

The Harry Potter Studio Tour just announced that it's hosting a Valentine's Day dinner in the Great Hall from Hogwarts. It's great for couples, or for single guys who claim their date is wearing an “invisibility cloak.” –Jimmy Fallon

And get this -- the shutdown might also delay the release of new wines. When asked about how they feel about it, wine makers said, "Bitter, with hints of anger and resentment." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How did you ever run a casino? Oh right, briefly (Free the files, not Ghislaine)

President Trump posted on Truth Social text messages from other world leaders, including the French president, Emmanuel Macron. It’s so interesting to read these, because they really do tiptoe around this maniac. A line from Macron’s text reads: “I do not understand what you are doing on Greenland.” That makes 8.1 billion of us, my friend. Does he think this makes him look good? Every one of these texts reads like they’re talking to a chimp with a hand grenade. —Jimmy Kimmel

There was a video released by Trump last week, in which he called on Congress to pass his “great healthcare plan” and said “under this policy, the prices of many drugs will be slashed by 300, 400 and even 500%.” Once again, 100% is the most you can lower a price. How did you ever run a casino? Oh right, briefly. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That was all me (NOPE)

I have lived in Los Angeles for one year, and in that time Los Angeles has regained an NFL team, it started raining again after three years of drought, and they opened the city's first Dunkin' Donuts. Now look, I can't take credit for all of those, but I'm definitely taking credit for that Dunkin' Donuts. That was all me. –James Corden

And finally some French news, or as they call it in France, News. The first restaurant in Paris created exclusively for naked diners has announced it’s closing due to a lack of customers. It’s a shame. Is this a shock to anyone? Scalding hot soup and no pants do not mix. They obviously had some problems. It’s the first time in history that a health inspector has ever issued a rating of “NOPE.” --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you press his paw, Trumpy Bear even writes a check to Barbie, and then calls her “Horseface.” (There goes our Christmas plans)

Over the weekend, Donald Trump joined dozens of other world leaders in France to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the end of World War I. Just to be safe, Trump brought a note from his doctor saying he absolutely couldn’t fight. --James Corden

There’s a new Christmas toy being advertised on Fox News. It’s Trumpy Bear! It’s pretty realistic. If you press his paw, Trumpy Bear even writes a check to Barbie, and then calls her “Horseface.” --James Corden

The Austrian government announced on Monday that they will be tearing down the house where Adolf Hitler was born. There goes our Christmas plans. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The $17,000 Bet (pizza roll dipping dish)

A daredevil set himself on fire and dragged a car for 328 feet to set a new world record in what the Guinness Book of Records is calling the most dangerous automotive event not involving a female driver. —Greg Gutfeld

A passenger on a cruise ship jumped overboard to avoid a $16,000 gambling debt. But being smart, he just bet someone $17,000 that he would jump off a cruise ship. —Greg Gutfeld

French first lady Bridget Macron has agreed to provide scientific evidence that she is indeed a biological woman. If she's successful, Rosie O’Donnell may try and do the same thing? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What happened to Eisenhower? (Um, hello! That's like 99 percent of my day!)

And a lot of people are getting really excited about the upcoming visit by Pope Francis. This Pope is very popular, but I saw that in a recent interview, he said that he’s felt “used” by certain people who only pay attention to him when they need something. Then God was like, “Um, hello! That's like 99 percent of my day!” –Jimmy Fallon

According to a new poll, almost half of Florida voters think their own candidates, Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio, should drop out of the race. While the other half of Florida keeps asking what happened to Eisenhower. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Being a crappy neighbor, lesson 1 (they had to turn him away when his H.M.O. wouldn't cover the visit)

"And from the animal kingdom, it seems a loggerhead sea turtle nearly swam to the doorstep of a Florida Keys turtle hospital. This is the only licensed veterinary facility in the world that solely treats sea turtles. This turtle somehow knew to swim right up to the hospital. Isn't that amazing? Sad part, they had to turn him away when his H.M.O. wouldn't cover the visit." --Jay Leno

"We finally have a debt deal. See what happens when the two parties put aside their principles and do what is best for them personally?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

See what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way? (your rulers are afraid of you)

"So Jeb Bush is running for president. I don't know about the rest of the country, but thank God, ladies and gentlemen, the comedy recession is over!" —David Letterman

"The brother of former President George Bush, Jeb Bush, is running for president. Yep, and the campaign slogan is, 'I'm going to finish what my brother started.'" —David Letterman

"Pope Francis is considering repealing celibacy for priests. Priests will no longer have to take a vow of celibacy. See what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way?" –David Letterman

"New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is in Iowa campaigning at a big cookout because this is what you do if you want to be president. He's out there all day telling people the hotdog line is closed for a traffic study." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She claims it's the last time she vacations in Wuhan (the best smelling thing in France)

 A woman wound up with a $21,000 medical bill after a bat flew into her mouth. She claims it's the last time she vacations in Wuhan. —Tom Shillue

Michael Jackson's dirty white sock that he once wore on stage has sold for $9,000 at a French auction and it’s still the best smelling thing in France. —Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's like deja vu (Barack Obama would never gas protestors)

So Los Angeles is on fire again. It's like deja vu, the French words for Newsom sucks. —Greg Gutfeld

California Governor Gavin Newsom and Mayor Karen Bass denounced the federal immigration raids, so now they don't want California to have ICE or water. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, that just happened (10 poorest states)

The Royal wedding is just three days away! Which means in just three days, the world will finally get to see the queen do the Electric Slide. --Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, 39-year-old Emmanuel Macron became the youngest president in French history. You can tell he’s young ’cause after they swore him in, his first words in his speech were, “So, that just happened.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's more of a second date question (He then deported the Easter Bunny to El Salvador)

Maryland Senator Chris Van Holland told CNN he never asked Garcia if he was a gang member during their meeting. Which is fair. That's more of a second date question. —Greg Gutfeld

On Easter Sunday President Trump wrote "Happy Easter to all including the radical left lunatics bringing murderers drug lords, dangerous prisoners, the mentally insane and MS-13 gang members and wife beaters back into our country." He then deported the Easter Bunny to El Salvador. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Congress did that already when it created Adam Schiff (she said it's high on the totem pole)

Disney's research division has developed an autonomous humanoid robot that can mimic human behavior. I hate to break it to you Disney, Congress did that already when it created Adam Schiff. — Tom Shillue 

Elizabeth Warren says that Congress has to take the tariff authority away from Trump. When asked if it's a priority she said it's high on the totem pole. — Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They're hoping to encourage workers to spend more time with their mistresses (Unfortunately, everyone in New York has learned to sleep through it)

"France has passed new legislation that makes it illegal to work after 6 p.m. They're hoping to encourage workers to spend more time with their mistresses." –Seth Meyers

A new alarm-clock app has launched that wakes users up with unconventional sounds like shattering glass, gunshots, and women screaming. Unfortunately, everyone in New York has learned to sleep through it. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's now seeking advice from Bill Belichick (every time their wife leaves the house)

A new poll showed President Trump is still not scoring well with female voters ages 18 to 24. He's now seeking advice from Bill Belichick. —Greg Gutfeld

A psychologist recommends that adults may want to consider revisiting their childhood hobbies. This must be advice for women because men revisit their childhood hobby every time their wife leaves the house. —Greg Gutfeld

A French company set a record for the world's largest cheese fondue. I know. JB Pritzker just bought a one-way ticket to France. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”