Jimmy Dore: Jokes of the Week - October 5, 2014

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They really started to get worried when he didn't show up at the Clooney wedding (apple boarding)

"New York City is overrun with rats. We have so many rats that today Mayor Bill de Blasio was on live television asking every citizen here to make sure to have your rat neutered." –David Letterman

"Nobody had seen North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un for a week, then a month, and now six weeks have gone by and nobody's seen him. They really started to get worried when he didn't show up at the Clooney wedding." – David Letterman

"Do people still bob for apples? Anybody bob for apples for God's sakes? Bobbing for apples or as Dick Cheney calls it, apple boarding." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Arizona Coyotes vs Los Angeles Kings

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm going to need another clue (spotted milk horses)

A new study finds that George Clooney has the most handsome face because of his eyes, nose, chin, and mouth. In other words, he has the most handsome face because of his face. –Jimmy Fallon

A transcript from President Trump’s phone call with the Australian prime minister was just leaked and at one point, Trump referred to U.S. dairy farmers as local milk people. Even worse, he referred to cows as spotted milk horses. –Jimmy Fallon

President Trump was talking to reporters yesterday, after the big healthcare vote, and people noticed that he didn't seem to know how many senators there are. When told it is two for each state, Trump said, "I'm going to need another clue." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wow. $100 million worth of writers must have really paid off (I stepped up and banged his wife)

It was one year ago today that President Biden dropped out of the 2024 campaign. Time flies when you're dead. Meanwhile, his son Hunter unleashed on George Clooney and the Democrats for being disloyal to his father, adding, “I know about loyalty. When my brother died, I stepped up and banged his wife.” —Greg Gutfeld

Since Colbert's firing, Jon Stewart told CBS to go f yourself and Colbert told Trump to go f yourself. Wow. $100 million worth of writers must have really paid off. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In the music business this is what's known as pulling a Biden (Good Night and Good Luck)

A 334 pound man is suing Disney World after being injured on a water slide. The water slide is counter suing for pain and suffering. —Greg Gutfeld

78-year-old rocker Iggy Pop ended his farewell concert by climbing into a coffin and then was wheeled off the stage. In the music business this is what's known as pulling a Biden. —Greg Gutfeld 

This weekend CNN will air the Broadway production of Good Night and Good Luck starring George Clooney. Who's that asked Joe Biden? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

My body's gone! (he loved him in Driving Miss Daisy)

According to a new book Joe Biden couldn't even recognize George Clooney at a fundraiser last June leaving the star quote "shaken to his core." In response Biden said he was also shaken but that was from the icy grip of death. But let's get this straight, George was okay with a mentally incompetent man running the country, but he drew the line when Biden couldn't recognize the star of Leatherheads, Tomorrowland and the Monuments Men. But don't worry George, when Joe ran into Obama he told him he loved him in Driving Miss Daisy. —Greg Gutfeld

Speaking of Biden, during a routine physical doctors discovered a small nodule on the former president's prostate. Joe Scarboro described the nodule as sharp as a tack. —Greg Gutfeld

According to the same Biden book, Joe's physical deterioration was so severe that aides thought he'd need a wheelchair if he was reelected. That's crazy, who needs a wheelchair to carry an urn. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well that makes one of us (to be continued...)

Secretary of Health and Human Services RFK Jr said the FDA will soon remove eight harmful dyes from the US food supply. They also plan to ban whatever the hell is in George Clooney’s hair. —Greg Gutfeld 

Morning Joe’s Joe Scarboro told Elon Musk quote "It's time to get back to your day job due to Tesla's stock dropping," adding "He's getting pounded." "Well that makes one of us," said Mika Brzezinski. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He says he will stay out of the public eye by continuing to make movies (monkeys are still on the loose in South Carolina)

Thirteen monkeys are still on the loose in South Carolina after a dramatic escape last week week from a research facility. In a related story, Lindsey Graham has come down with monkeypox. —Greg Gutfeld

George Clooney is taking a step back from politics after being blamed for Kamala Harris’s loss. He says he will stay out of the public eye by continuing to make movies. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They really started to get worried when he didn't show up at the Clooney wedding (meatballs)

"Ladies and gentlemen, President Obama wants to put an end to the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy in the military not to be confused with Dick Cheney's policy, 'Don't Look, Don't Aim.'" --David Letterman

"Nobody had seen North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un for a week, then a month, and now six weeks have gone by and nobody's seen him. They really started to get worried when he didn't show up at the Clooney wedding." – David Letterman

"Autumn is a beautiful time of year. At the White House, squirrels are rounding up nuts on the lawn, which is more than the Secret Service is doing." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In other words, he has the most handsome face because of his face (My People Need Me)

A new study finds that George Clooney has the most handsome face because of his eyes, nose, chin, and mouth. In other words, he has the most handsome face because of his face. –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, the New York Mets lost to the Washington Nationals, 25-4. Or as Mets fans put it, "Sweet. We scored four runs. Awesome." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the big difference between George Clooney and Donald Trump (Klondike bars)

The New York Times reported that some Joe Biden advisers were discussing how to convince him to step aside. That is not going to be easy. They’re thinking about just putting a Klondike bar on a string and pulling it slowly down Pennsylvania Avenue. —Stephen Colbert

After George Clooney, in a guest essay for The New York Times, called for President Biden to drop out of the race, Donald Trump wrote on Truth Social that “Clooney should get out of politics and go back to television. Movies never really worked for him!” Of course, the big difference between George Clooney and Donald Trump is that George Clooney actually made money from a casino. — Kumail Nanjiani

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They really started to get worried when he didn't show up at the Clooney wedding (What are the odds?)

"You know who they haven't seen in a while, Kim Jung Un, evil dictator of North Korea. They haven't seen him in, like, six weeks. He's probably spending more time executing his family." –David Letterman

"New York City is overrun with rats. We have so many rats that today Mayor Bill de Blasio was on live television asking every citizen here to make sure to have your rat neutered." –David Letterman

"Nobody had seen North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un for a week, then a month, and now six weeks have gone by and nobody's seen him. They really started to get worried when he didn't show up at the Clooney wedding." – David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or as Dick Cheney calls it, a love story (47 percent)

 

"Mitt Romney said that the 47 percent of people who don't pay taxes are going to vote for Obama. You know what that means? He's going to vote for Obama." –Jay Leno

"You know, they used to say a recession was when your neighbor lost his job, and a depression was when you lost your job. You probably heard this, right? See, now, a recession is when Wall Street guys get bailed out, and a depression is what you get thinking about it." --Jay Leno

"George Clooney won for Syriana, which was about the CIA and what people will do for oil. Or as Dick Cheney calls it, a love story." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

The deadliest jobs in America (Oh crap, the kids!)

"The Today Show" just featured a group of moms in California

who said that smoking weed makes them better parents. When

asked if their kids agree, the moms were like, "Oh crap, the

kids!" –Jimmy Fallon

A new study finds that George Clooney has the most handsome face because of his eyes, nose, chin, and mouth. In other words, he has the most handsome face because of his face. –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, the New York Mets lost to the Washington Nationals, 25-4. Or as Mets fans put it, "Sweet. We scored four runs. Awesome." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Jimmy Dore with Mike MacRae: Brad Pitt Is A “Sociopath” Says George Clooney

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

It was like being on the red carpet when George Clooney shows up (Iraq rememberer)

 

"This chick, Ashley Dupre, is everywhere. I swear to God,

she won 'American Idol.' The last person to get this famous

for f------ some idiot was Kevin Federline." --Bill Maher

"Rudy Giuliani dropped out of the race. I will miss Rudy

Giuliani as a comedian. I will miss the arguments he had

with Mitt Romney. It was like a Halloween costume

debating a mannequin." --Bill Maher

"The good news is on YouTube, the Obama speech now is

getting watched more than the clips of the pastor. The bad

news is that it's still far behind the footage of Spitzer's

hooker on 'Girls Gone Wild.'" --Bill Maher

"The other guy who dropped out this week I have the

highest regards for -- John Edwards. That's his platform

that they are running on. He worked his ass off. He never

got enough oxygen with those two show ponies in the race.

It was like being on the red carpet when George Clooney

shows up." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It takes a lot of education to make us this stupid (Or as Dick Cheney calls it, a love story.)

 

"Hillary Clinton said today she finds the Bush administration's refusal to level with the American people troubling, but she also finds it somewhat nostalgic." --Jay Leno

"George Clooney won for Syriana, which was about the CIA and what people will do for oil. Or as Dick Cheney calls it, a love story." --Jay Leno

"No, Obama and Hillary argued last night over which candidate the Republicans are most afraid of. Interesting. I don't want to take sides here, but I think it's pretty obvious which candidate Republicans are most afraid of, John McCain." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You buy the Sarah Palin book, they will throw in a free Mayan calendar (the Clooney wedding)

"You know who they haven't seen in a while, Kim Jung Un, evil dictator of North Korea. They haven't seen him in, like, six weeks. He's probably spending more time executing his family." –David Letterman

"Barnes and Noble is running a great promotion on the Sarah Palin book. You buy the Sarah Palin book, they will throw in a free Mayan calendar." –David Letterman

"Nobody had seen North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un for a week, then a month, and now six weeks have gone by and nobody's seen him. They really started to get worried when he didn't show up at the Clooney wedding." – David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The speech went well, but the lightning shooting from her hands was a bit much (the most feared individual on the planet)

Tonight Hillary Clinton gave her big speech at the Democratic Convention, officially accepting the nomination for president. The speech went well, but the lightning shooting from her hands was a bit much. –Jimmy Fallon

A skydiver in California just became the first person to jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines calls that, “Business Class.” –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, the New York Mets lost to the Washington Nationals, 25-4. Or as Mets fans put it, "Sweet. We scored four runs. Awesome." --Jimmy Fallon

A new study finds that George Clooney has the most handsome face because of his eyes, nose, chin, and mouth. In other words, he has the most handsome face because of his face. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”