Madden: Indianapolis Colts vs Baltimore Ravens

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What about the cheerleaders? (23%)

New York City will pay hotels almost $2 billion to house the homeless, which means tourists are now eligible for free rooms as long as they poop in the streets. —Greg Gutfeld 

Finally, Jerry Jones says he's open to sell the Dallas Cowboys. What about the cheerleaders, asked Bill Clinton? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the Los Angeles Little Mermaids (crushing defense)

The CEO of Disney is now getting involved in bringing an NFL team to Los Angeles. So football fans, get ready for the crushing defense of the Los Angeles Little Mermaids. –James Corden

Today, the people of Massachusetts, where the first legal marijuana dispensaries opened and in the town of North Hampton, the first person in line to purchase weed was the mayor. There’s no word if the mayor used the marijuana, but he did spend the first twenty minutes of a press conference giggling about how Massachusetts has the word “ass” in it.  --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To keep them in control was not difficult (It was so hard staying alive, staying alive)

“I don’t understand how Trump has never heard of the person in charge of finding the vaccine to the disease that has shut down the entire world — and don’t tell me it’s because he’s too busy. I mean, this is the same man — the same man who says he’s been watching every nightly news show plus CNN, MSNBC in the morning, Fox News on weekend afternoons, and even reruns of baseball. Reruns! Let me tell you something: If you have time to watch reruns of baseball, you have time for anything. Baseball is boring when it’s happening. Watching it in reruns is like watching paint dry through a PowerPoint presentation.” — Trevor Noah

“You know, Trump talks about cabin fever like it’s an actual illness. [as Trump] This cabin fever, worse than any disease we’ve ever had, even worse than the disease from the ’70s, disco fever. It was so hard staying alive, staying alive.” — Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What else you got? (soufflé)

A study reveals that the best way to add years to your life is to

exercise, lose weight, and not drink too much. To which all of

America replied, "What else you got?" --Conan O’Brien

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is coming out with a cookbook. The cookbook teaches you how to make a soufflé that falls then re-inflates at halftime. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m rooting for the Chiefs, just for the record (I only had to ask every day for two years)

“You can tell Obama’s endorsement meant a lot to Joe Biden. Right after, he was like, ‘I know you guys really love me because I only had to ask every day for two years.” —Jimmy Fallon

“I like how Obama endorsed Biden now. That’s like waiting until there’s one second left in the Super Bowl and saying ‘OK, I’m rooting for the Chiefs, just for the record.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s OK, we’re used to hiding our identity (in any form but money)

“Yeah, everyone has to wear a mask. The players on the New York Jets said, ‘That’s OK, we’re used to hiding our identity.’” — Conan O’Brien

Today is National Teacher Appreciation Day. It’s a special day when we Americans show our gratitude to teachers in any form but money. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Madden: Indianapolis Colts vs Las Vegas Raiders

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Madden: Las Vegas Raiders vs New England Patriots (Overtime)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Everyone gets that, right? (I only had to ask every day for two years)

“You can tell Obama’s endorsement meant a lot to Biden. Right after, he was like, ‘I know you guys really love me because I only had to ask every day for two years.” —Jimmy Fallon

“I like how Obama endorsed Biden now. That’s like waiting until there’s one second left in the Super Bowl and saying ‘OK, I’m rooting for the Chiefs, just for the record.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

for the guy who wrote Rocky V (pushing right back)

President Trump tweeted that he may pardon someone

because Sylvester Stallone asked him to. The pardon is for

the guy who wrote "Rocky V." --Conan O’Brien

"Marco Rubio announced he's running for president. Fun fact:

Marco Rubio's wife is a former Miami Dolphins cheerleader.

In other words, she knows how to generate fake enthusiasm for

someone who's not going to win." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

62 people own half of the world’s wealth (Question. Disobey. Dismantle.)

It was reported today that 62 people own half of the world’s wealth. The other half bet on the Green Bay Packers. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump is polling so badly with women that at a rally last night, he had his wife, Melania, introduce him. Because if there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to get American women on your side, it’s a foreign model who’s married to a billionaire and never has to work. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jimmy Dore: Jokes of the Week - September 12, 2014

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she kept penalizing players for things they did four games ago (reverse distributed)

A female former NFL ref is suing the league for being fired because of her gender. However, many complain she kept penalizing players for things they did four games ago. —Greg Gutfeld

Wednesday was National Walking Day, but celebrations were sparse given the high likelihood of being run down by Tiger Woods. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just the Tips (Stop the Car)

We are just three days away from Super Bowl LII, which means that we’re just three days away from finding out whether Boston will be burned down by an angry mob or a happy mob. --Jimmy Fallon

And finally, the CEO of Hershey says that they're fixing the way they make Kisses so that the tips don't get broken off. That's a good move, because nobody was buying their new product, Hershey's Just the Tips. --Jimmy Fallon

Let's get to some news here. Today in Washington, President Trump had his yearly physical exam. It was not good news. The doctor told Trump to build a wall around his refrigerator. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Madden: Seattle Seahawks vs Indianapolis Colts (Super Bowl-Touchdowns)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Madden: Indianapolis Colts vs Seattle Seahawks (Super Bowl)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sounds like someone’s getting ready to have a pretty crazy Super Bowl party (a girl)

​​Officials in California are looking for thieves who stole nearly $50,000 worth of bull semen. Sounds like someone’s getting ready to have a pretty crazy Super Bowl party. –Conan O’Brien

"Yesterday during a speech on national security, Jeb Bush mispronounced Boko Haram and got confused between Iran and Iraq. When reached for comment, his brother George W. said, 'He sure sounds presidentiary to me.'" –Conan O'Brien

While speaking at an evangelical university, Donald Trump misquoted the Bible, saying "two Corinthians" instead of "Second Corinthians." And, several times, instead of saying "God" he said "Donald Trump." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Meanwhile in Texas, George W. Bush got caught in the garage door (A Bug's Life)

"People are still talking about the Super Bowl. It was the most

watched TV program of all time. The second most-watched event

was the episode of 'Dallas' where J.R. gets shot in the face by

Dick Cheney." –David Letterman

"The Dalai Lama was down at the White House today to meet

President Obama. Meanwhile in Texas, George W. Bush got caught

in the garage door." –David Letterman

​​"The good news is that Hosni Mubarak may step down. The bad news is that he may be replaced by his idiot son Hosni W. Mubarak." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a no slip rapture grip so the lid can yank me into heaven (wardrobe malfunction)

President Trump’s recent speech at a Medal of Honor ceremony, where his rambling remarks included comments about the White House drapes. The president added that he attempted to get a Medal of Honor for himself, but was told that it would “be bad protocol”. I just want you to consider how many things he’s admitting here. He’s admitting he tried to give himself a Medal of Honor, he’s admitting it’s a bad look and he’s admitting that he had to be told it’s a bad look. —Seth Meyers

A CNN poll found that 59% of Americans disapprove of the Iran strikes, as well as reports that US commanders at military bases have told troops that “President Trump has been anointed by Jesus to light the signal fire in Iran to cause Armageddon and mark his return to Earth.” That’s one exit strategy! I’m dusting off this gold helmet with a no slip rapture grip so the lid can yank me into heaven. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”