Really? Mexico did it (The guy stood out like a sore thumb)

 

"President Bush said, "You can't take millions of people with deep roots in the country and send them across the border." Really? Mexico did it." --Jay Leno

"Did you see that guy on the news who got arrested for jumping the fence and running toward the White House. Luckily, it was pretty easy for the cops to catch him. The guy stood out like a sore thumb. Right now, everyone in Washington is running away from President Bush." --Jay Leno

"The White House is now outsourcing the manufacturing of our passports overseas. Our passports will now be made in foreign countries. See, this is how a global economy works. When an illegal immigrant from Mexico living in L.A. and working in a Japanese-owned company wants to go home to visit his relatives, he uses a passport made in Thailand that he gets by calling a customer service number in India. You see how it works? This could be the thing that makes Lou Dobbs' head explode." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What have you done with Eisenhower? (He's also expected to look a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger)

"Yesterday at the White House, President Obama took part in an online Q & A session with a group of senior citizens. The most common question the seniors asked Obama was, 'What have you done with Eisenhower?'" --Conan O'Brien

"The world's 7 billionth person is expected to be born in India in October. He's also expected to look a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He said he's looking for that special someone to spend the rest of his week with (I'm going to have to see his birth certificate)

A 96-year old man has reportedly hired a matchmaker and has gone on a number of dates. He said he's looking for that special someone to spend the rest of his week with. —Tom Shillue

At the G7 summit, President Trump complimented Indian Prime Minister Modi, calling him the most beautiful looking man. Many people think Trump was just buttering him up so he could ask, “Can you please fix my printer?” —Tom Shillue

And finally, a man who legally changed his name to Barack D. Obama announced he's running for California governor. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to see his birth certificate. —Tom Shillue 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it felt more like a fire hose (an Indian treasure)

Legal experts are saying that this week's Supreme Court ruling has taken a wrecking ball to the Voting Rights Act of 1965. But if you ask Black people, it felt more like a fire hose. —Michael Che

This week, King Charles visited the U.S. and met Zohran Mamdani. And I'm surprised he didn't take Mamdani back to England with him because he is an Indian treasure. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

there's no way he can drink enough to think that he made the right choice (the best argument for socialism)

A poultry farmer in India is demanding justice after 140 of his chickens dropped dead due to loud music at a nearby wedding. True. There hasn't been this many limp [ __ ] since the Sex in the City sequel. We also would have accepted lifeless. —Greg Gutfeld

Coors Light has introduced a new beer. It's Coors Light Zero, which has has no alcohol. The downside, well, there's no way Travis Kelsey can drink enough to think that he made the right choice. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump was forced to open a window and start yelling at people on the street (All I can say is, way to go, Wolf Blitzer!)

It’s been reported that a contributor to CNN has been having an affair with Ted Cruz. All I can say is, way to go, Wolf Blitzer! –Conan O’Brien

This morning, Twitter went down for almost an hour. As a result, President Trump was forced to open a window and start yelling at people on the street. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

like India, or Thailand, or China (wife No. 7)

"Rush Limbaugh got married for the fourth time on Saturday. He's 59; she's 33. So, I'm doing the math. That means when she's 40, he'll be on wife No. 7." –Jay Leno

"President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China." —Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You're on the Commie list now (they are getting more and more desperate for viewers)

On a recent podcast Simon Cowell said he once turned down a couple's offer of $150,000 to watch them have sex. Wow, Morning Joe are getting more and more desperate for viewers. —Greg Gutfeld

A new poll Colombia was voted the country with the most beautiful women in the world. But come on, any woman looks beautiful when there might be cocaine up her butt. —Greg Gutfeld

Tensions between India and Pakistan are still on the rise. As a result the rest of the world fears they will have nowhere to turn for tech support. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

All they have to do is learn how to pronounce about (I'm shocked Obama wasn't given an Oscar)

Donald Trump met with the prime minister of India and pressed him to lower their tariffs toward the US. Trump even offered to throw in Anna Navarro since in India cows are sacred. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump said that Canada is a very serious contender to be our 51st state. All they have to do is learn how to pronounce about. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the only person I knew who showed up at the White House without the proper credentials was George Bush (my vacation home in Pyongyang)

"Remember they had the big state dinner for the Prime Minister of India and a couple of people who weren't invited showed up? And now it turns out there was a third person who was not invited that showed up at the state dinner. It's a little crazy. I mean, before that, the only person I knew who showed up at the White House without the proper credentials was George Bush." –David Letterman

"The North Koreans are always making trouble. They launched a rocket there over the weekend. It was scary when they fired that rocket. It flew right over my vacation home in Pyongyang." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of course, that advice only really works if your job is vice president (I'll stop talking now)

"British Prime Minister David Cameron went to Scotland this week to persuade citizens of the country to vote 'no' on leaving the U.K. He said, 'It's never worked out for anyone-well except America, and Canada, Australia, India, and . . . I'll stop talking now.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday Joe Biden told some of Hillary’s campaign workers that he’s also had pneumonia before, and that if the doctor tells you to take three days off, you should actually take SIX days off. Of course, that advice only really works if your job is vice president. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

so you gotta take it with a grain of salt (This week he will go to India and visit their old jobs)

 

"And for the most ridiculous story of the week. This week, Ann Coulter said Bill Clinton is gay. I have to admit he hides it pretty well. Ann Coulter thinks Bill Clinton is gay? But she also thinks George Bush is smart, so you gotta take it with a grain of salt." --Jay Leno

"On Wednesday President Bush will fly to India. See, last week he met with American workers. This week he will go to India and visit their old jobs." --Jay Leno

"You know Ann Coulter? She was on CNBC today and she said 'Bill Clinton is gay.' Please, just because she's the only woman on the planet he wouldn't have sex with doesn't make him gay." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's also expected to look a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger (it's proof that the president can come up with a bad idea at any level)

"The world's 7 billionth person is expected to be born in India in October. He's also expected to look a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger." –Conan O'Brien

"President Bush, of course, is responding to the crisis. He's on vacation. That's his plan. He'll show them President Bush is on vacation in Texas right now. This is true. He's urging his staff to join the 100-degree club by running three miles in 100-degree heat. Experts say it's proof that the president can come up with a bad idea at any level." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Or, as Congress calls it, 'competition.' (A Bug's Life)

"Do you know why they're moving? Because some members of Congress have started investigating Halliburton for over-billing and for taking too much of American taxpayers' money for doing too little work. Or, as Congress calls it, 'competition.'" --Jay Leno

"President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China." —Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Finally, some good in-flight entertainment! (I’m not in the TSA)

Apple just released a new app that lets you read books with your kids on your TV. Or as dads put it, “Yeah, this ‘book’ is about the Patriots-Seahawks game, and it’s a thriller.” –Jimmy Fallon

Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles International Airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, “I’m not in the TSA.” –Jimmy Fallon

A plane in India had to make an emergency landing after a passenger found out her husband was cheating on her mid-flight. The passengers were like, “Finally, some good in-flight entertainment!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And for $6, Peyton Manning will throw the pizza at you from a speeding car (Hoosiers)

Papa John’s is testing a new system that lets customers pay $3 to skip the line and get faster pizza delivery. And for $6, Peyton Manning will throw the pizza at you from a speeding car. –Jimmy Fallon

"Sarah Palin is going to a political conference in India next month. Palin said she's loved India ever since she saw 'Hoosiers.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Well, you guys, President Trump and Kim Jong-un have both arrived for their summit in Vietnam. And this was nice. Before their official meeting, Trump and Kim spent the day rehearsing their intimate performance of "Shallow" from "A Star is Born." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the only person I knew who showed up at the White House without the proper credentials was George Bush (President Bush said he got a lot of s--- done)

"Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration." –David Letterman

"Remember they had the big state dinner for the Prime Minister of India and a couple of people who weren't invited showed up? And now it turns out there was a third person who was not invited that showed up at the state dinner. It's a little crazy. I mean, before that, the only person I knew who showed up at the White House without the proper credentials was George Bush." –David Letterman

"President Bush is back in Washington. He's back from the big G-8 Summit in Russia. President Bush said he got a lot of s--- done." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

First, liberate the people of Iraq then Indian mangoes (his audience assumed everything was normal)

"The new mayor of New York City is a progressive Democrat with an African-American wife who used to be a lesbian. Or as Fox News reported, the apocalypse is upon us." –Conan O'Brien

"During the middle of his show, Fox News commentator Glenn Beck was rushed to the hospital for an attack of appendicitis. Yeah. Apparently, Beck was crying and screaming incoherently, so his audience assumed everything was normal." –Conan O'Brien

"Today in India President Bush announced he was lifting a U.S. import ban on Indian mangoes. Yea, Bush said 'That was my plan all along. First, liberate the people of Iraq then Indian mangoes.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

And you know it was crazy, because even the Germans laughed (Hello, I'm the president of the United States)

After President Trump claimed during his address to the U.N. General Assembly today that he has accomplished more than any other president in history, world leaders in the audience laughed in response. And you know it was crazy, because even the Germans laughed. --Seth Meyers

President Trump claimed that he has accomplished more than any other president in history, and world leaders in the audience laughed, though technically they were still laughing from when he said, "Hello, I'm the president of the United States." --Seth Meyers

Melania Trump this weekend took her first solo trip abroad as first lady, and everything was going great until the Secret Service found her and brought her back. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s just crude and unnecessary (and . . . I'll stop talking now)

“Yeah, the Trump campaign is now selling ‘Fill that seat’ T-shirts. Seriously, someone just passed away and he’s selling T-shirts like they just clinched the American League East. Here’s some advice: if you are wondering how to deal with a job opening when someone dies and you find yourself on a custom T-shirt website, you’ve made a wrong turn. Even long-haul drivers with truck nuts were like, ‘That’s just crude and unnecessary.’” —Jimmy Fallon

North and South Korea say they want to host the 2032 Summer Olympics together. The highlight will be when the athletes try pole-vaulting from North Korea into South Korea. --Jimmy Fallon

"British Prime Minister David Cameron went to Scotland this week to persuade citizens of the country to vote 'no' on leaving the U.K. He said, 'It's never worked out for anyone-well except America, and Canada, Australia, India, and . . . I'll stop talking now.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”