his recent weight gain poses a significant health risk (The Hut)

“Speaking of Trump, The Washington Post suggests that his recent weight gain poses a significant health risk noting that Joe Biden kept his trim figure through a daily regimen of [expletive] his pants.” — Greg Gutfeld

“Pizza Hut has announced that they are shortening their name at least temporarily to ‘Hut.’ Meanwhile, Taco Bell is shortening its name to diarrhea.” — Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I didn’t know that you could buy formal wear at a Bass Pro Shop (he would never do that to other people)

“I mean, I didn’t wear a suit for the Grammys, I didn’t wear one to court, I didn’t wear one to my father’s funeral, but I look all right, don’t I? I didn’t know that you could buy formal wear at a Bass Pro Shop.” — Jelly Roll

“According to The Washington Post, a lot of doctors are worried about the president’s weight. After his last physical, we found out Trump gained 14 pounds, which means he is now tipping the scales at almost 240. That’s crazy. Think about this, y’all, in the few last years I’ve lost 300 pounds. That means I’ve lost an entire Donald Trump.” — Jelly Roll

“And let’s be honest, based on his approval ratings, it seems like most of the country wants to do the same thing.” — Jelly Roll

“We should take it easy, y’all. We shouldn’t be making fun of the president for his weight, because we know that he would never do that to other people.” — Jelly Roll

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think he’s genuinely asking (portraits)

This week saw Trump being asked by a journalist about Iran showing no signs that they are willing to stop fighting and he responded by asking if she knew something he didn’t. I don’t think he’s being sarcastic, I think he’s genuinely asking. —Seth Meyers

There are reports that Trump’s approval ratings in his second term are the worst of any 21st-century president, scoring lower than Barack Obama and George W Bush. Trump is doing worse than Bush during the Iraq war – and remember, Bush had a pair of shoes thrown at him. —Seth Meyers

Trump is unpopular with people with no party affiliation as well as those on the left. According to a Washington Post poll, he is scoring worse with independents than Richard Nixon during Watergate. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

we must consider the possibility that I do weigh 239 pounds (I'm worried I will never be sober again)

Audience, I’m worried that once they make self-driving cars, I will

never be sober again. --Stephen Colbert

Today the president also pardoned Saudi Arabia. The CIA is

preparing a report that is expected to tie the brutal murder of

journalist Jamal Khashoggi to crown prince Mohammed bin

Salman, but the president got out in front of the CIA today and

released a statement on Khashoggi’s killing.

It starts out with a calm reassuring message: “The world is a very

dangerous place!” It is now! Apparently you can kill a Washington

Post journalist and the president don’t give a damn, because Trump’s

official presidential decision on who is a resolute, “I dunno.”

Trump wrote, “Our intelligence agencies continue to assess all

information, but it could very well be that the crown prince had

knowledge of this tragic event. Maybe he did, and maybe he didn’t!”

Did Donald Trump just knowingly provide cover for a murderous

autocrat? Maybe he did and maybe he didn’t. Someone wrote that

down. Someone actually typed that -- “Maybe he did. Maybe he

didn’t.”

That statement informs us in no way. A Magic Eight Ball would have

taken a firmer stance. Colbert as Trump, “Look things are not

knowable. We live in a quantum state of flux, where time and matter

coexist in interdimensional plasma in which all possible pasts and

futures simultaneously manifest on the space-time continuum. And

in that infinite multi-verse of non-congruent para-data, we must

consider the possibility that I do weigh 239 pounds.”

--Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was so bad, Goldman Sachs had to lay off three congressmen (garage sales)

"This has become quite a story; the Washington Post reported that Mitt Romney, while in high school, bullied a gay classmate. Did you hear about this story? In his defense, Romney said that he didn't know the kid was gay; he just thought he was poor." –Jay Leno

"And a New York City auction house is having something unusual. It's selling a large variety of torture devices dating from the 16th century. A bunch of torture devices. The whole thing looks like a Dick Cheney garage sale." --Jay Leno

"The stock market took a dive today. It was so bad, Goldman Sachs had to lay off three congressmen." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s called Bronzer, Nancy and it’s not fooling anyone (You would not believe the tater tots I have access to)

Nancy Pelosi said President Trump is involved in a coverup. It’s called Bronzer, Nancy and it’s not fooling anyone. --Stephen Colbert

Today, President Trump arrived in Rome. He’s so excited to finally meet Jude Law. “You look much older in person. You need to moisturize.” –Stephen Colbert

Apparently — this is being reported in the Washington Post — Trump was showing off for his guests telling the Russians: “I get great Intel. I have people brief me on great Intel every day.” Well, yeah. You’re the president. It’s the job. It’s like the guy working the fry station saying, “You would not believe the tater tots I have access to.” –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Top all-time recipients of insurance money (What are the odds?)

Over the weekend F1 the movie brought in $140 million. Man, Hollywood must be desperate for content, making a movie about a button on my keyboard. —Greg Gutfeld

Over the weekend the Kardashians, Jenners and other celebrities went to Venice to celebrate the Jeff Bezos -Lauren Sanchez wedding. It was the largest concentration of Ozempic outside of Rosie O’Donnell's urine sample. —Greg Gutfeld

Because Jeff Bezos owns the Washington Post after he and Lauren Sanchez said their I-Dos the officient said, "I now pronounce you paper and plastic.” —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Next you're going to tell us that Kamala likes a night cap before breakfast (Think I'll take two)

So yet another tale from the new book Original Sin. Apparently Joe Biden's campaign staff staged a fake town hall closed to the press with an audience of loyal supporters and a comfy chair for Joe that repelled stains. But apparently Biden was so incoherent the footage was as unusable as an ejector's seat on a helicopter. 

And so like Joe Biden's soul, the town hall never saw the light of day. It's the latest story from the tell all on Joe’s decline written by people who helped bury it like a cat turd in a litter box. But of course the media is acting like they're the dupes. 

This week the Washington Post editorial board actually published this headline quote "If Biden was too frail for his job voters should have been informed." Wow, if only there were a publication of some type that could execute that function. 

I mean they act like during the entire Biden presidency they were working at Papa John’s.  I don't know who's on that board but they should be grateful their families didn't pull the plug during their five-year coma. 

Talk about lazy journalists. They must rotate their editors to prevent bed sores. Here's a quote from the article. “It now seems Biden might have lacked the stamina and cognitive capacity the job demands and that his family and closest aids concealed this from the public. 

Their decision to put personal loyalties ahead of their duty to the country must be reckoned with.” Well thanks a lot Columbo. Next you're going to tell us that Kamala likes a night cap before breakfast. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We don’t tolerate that kind of behavior here at Kamala Harris Elementary School (the lowest political bar in history)

Administrators in Pennsylvania are investigating how a kindergartner was able to hand out Jello-shots to his classmates. The outraged principal saying, we don’t tolerate that kind of behavior here at Kamala Harris Elementary School. —Greg Gutfeld

The former FBI Director denied calling for the assassination of President Trump and claims he’s quote, just a grandfather who likes wearing sweaters, jeans and going for nice walks on the beach. Well somebody is auditioning for The Golden Bachelor! —Greg Gutfeld

So the Biden book ‘Original Sin’ is finally out and so are the reviews. According to Politico, it describes Biden as an “ailing, geriatric leader surrounded by mendacious aides”. While the Washington Post details an “elderly, egotistical president shielded from reality by a slavish coterie of loyalists.” So ‘ailing, mendacious, egotistical’ and that’s from media outlets that spent four years smooching Biden’s wrinkly ass. They were so far up his butt I’m surprised they didn’t diagnose the cancer. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You would not believe the tater tots I have access to (I have a feeling that they are going to leave that part out of the Disney movie)

Apparently — this is being reported in the Washington Post — Trump was showing off for his guests telling the Russians: “I get great Intel. I have people brief me on great Intel every day.” Well, yeah. You’re the president. It’s the job. It’s like the guy working the fry station saying, “You would not believe the tater tots I have access to.” –Stephen Colbert

A wild raccoon has moved into a German zoo and the zookeepers can’t expel it. Zookeepers say the raccoon “can expect free board and lodgings for life, because European Union rules forbid him from being released back into the wild.” But “He’ll have to be castrated.” And I have a feeling that they are going to leave that part out of the Disney movie. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only catch is, the water has to come from the Gulf of Mexico (This could plunge America into a huge crayon shortage)

"Scientists say they have developed a car that can run on water. The only catch is, the water has to come from the Gulf of Mexico." –Jay Leno

"This has become quite a story; the Washington Post reported that Mitt Romney, while in high school, bullied a gay classmate. Did you hear about this story? In his defense, Romney said that he didn't know the kid was gay; he just thought he was poor." –Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin and President Bush have new books coming out this fall. You know what that means? This could plunge America into a huge crayon shortage." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, sorry to sour the vibe (I call coin/three thirds)

The markets had a brief upturn on Tuesday, when rumors circulated that Trump may back down from his trade war. Asked by reporters if he would back down or if the tariffs were permanent, Trump answered paradoxically: “It could both be true.” No, you can’t say it’s temporary and it’s permanent. That’s like being asked to call heads or tails and saying ‘I call coin.’ —Stephen Colbert

And according to a new analysis by the Washington Post, Trump has spent one-third of his days in office at his golf courses. And I think we might be better off if we could somehow get that up to three thirds. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Due Dissidence: WaPo Cartoonist QUITS After Bezos Satire CENSORED

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

And if you thought Jeff Sessions was bad, you were right (stop calling him Drumstick)

According to The Washington Post, President Trump is considering Ted Cruz as a replacement for Attorney General Jeff Sessions. And if you thought Jeff Sessions was bad, you were right. –Seth Meyers

President Trump pardoned a turkey at the White House today, where he said, "I'm pleased to report that, unlike millions of other turkeys at this time of the year, Drumstick has a very, very bright future ahead of him." Though I bet the turkey would feel more confident about that if they would stop calling him Drumstick. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The whole thing looks like a Dick Cheney garage sale (he just thought the kid was poor)

"And a New York City auction house is having something unusual. It's selling a large variety of torture devices dating from the 16th century. A bunch of torture devices. The whole thing looks like a Dick Cheney garage sale." --Jay Leno

"This has become quite a story; the Washington Post reported that Mitt Romney, while in high school, bullied a gay classmate. Did you hear about this story? In his defense, Romney said that he didn't know the kid was gay; he just thought he was poor." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We all assume he failed everything (He was a late spurrer)

Last week Michael Cohen told congress that Trump ordered him to threaten his high school to never release his grades. What could he possibly be hiding? We all assume he failed everything. --Stephen Colbert

Yesterday, the Washington Post reported more details about how far Trump went to make sure his academic record stayed hidden. At his high school the New York Military Academy. Yes, Military. Evidently, when Trump was a teenager, his bones hadn’t spurred yet. He was a late spurrer. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, that's catchy (...and forgetting why)

The House passed a Republican tax bill today, which was great news for everyone from the super wealthy all the way down to that's it. –Seth Meyers

“And according to new research, taking the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra could decrease the risk of developing Alzheimer’s. Which is great, because there’s nothing worse than getting an erection and forgetting why.” —Seth Meyers

President Trump today denied a Washington Post report that he was considering rescinding his nomination of Supreme Court justice Neil Gorsuch. Prior to his confirmation, calling it, you guessed it, fake news. Hey, man, you're burning out your own catch phrase. Pretty soon you're going to need a new catch phrase, like "It's golfing time." Or "I hereby resign from the presidency of the United States." Oh, that's catchy. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's amazing how mature and civil conservatives are (the Boy Scouts have announced they’re just gonna lay low for a while)

According to The Washington Post, President Trump is considering Ted Cruz as a replacement for Attorney General Jeff Sessions. And if you thought Jeff Sessions was bad, you were right. –Seth Meyers

Newly appointed White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci said today that he’s not a backstabber, but “more of a front-stabbing person.” And it’s very telling about this administration that they think there’s a right way to stab somebody. “I stab from the front, underhand. Like a gentleman.” –Seth Meyers

The Girl Scouts have announced that they will offer 23 new badges focused on science, technology, engineering and math. While the Boy Scouts have announced they’re just gonna lay low for a while. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”