I guess those brain surgeons weren't exactly rocket scientists (They just take it out of her next paycheck)

I guess at Disney World, if Cinderella loses her glass slipper, a prince doesn’t bring it to her. They just take it out of her next paycheck. –James Corden

Donald Trump had his high school grades sealed. So including the hush money payment to a porn star, this makes two attempts by Trump to hide his secret Fs. --James Corden

Some hospital workers in Kenya have been suspended after doctors performed brain surgery on the wrong patient. I guess those brain surgeons weren't exactly rocket scientists. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion (this guy was the victim of a sting operation)

And finally, the news from my homeland. A burglar in London recently attempted to sneak into a building through the backyard area and ended up disturbing the owner's beehive and the burglar was then chased away by a swarm of 80,000 angry bees. It sounds like this guy was the victim of a sting operation. --James Corden

Apparently, LeBron's talk show is going to be him and four random guests you may or may not have heard of. You know, like when he plays basketball. --James Corden

Senators in Rhode Island are proposing a new bill that would charge residents a one-time fee of $20 to access online pornography. State budget experts say this new porn bill could be profitable. They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They can't even afford to pay the pizza delivery guy? (they set up the other party to inflict new evils)

Here's a headline for you, Porn Star Gets Screwed. Adult film star Stormy Daniels today was ordered to pay president Trump nearly two hundred ninety three thousand dollars for legal fees. This is related to her defamation suit against the president which was tossed out in October. Two hundred and ninety three thousand dollars? How is a porn star gonna pay for that? They can't even afford to pay the pizza delivery guy? --Trevor Noah

“Honestly, these murder hornets just sound like psychos. They cut off the heads of bees and they mash up the thorax into a meatball and fly it back to feed their larvae. I thought only Rudy Giuliani fed his family that way.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it’s going to be awkward the next time they do a movie together (buy high AND sell high)

"Chris Christie is being accused of getting back at a political rival by blocking access to the George Washington Bridge. Christie said, 'I never blocked access to the GWB, I blocked access to a KFC.'" –Conan O'Brien

In Oakland, California, for the first time, a marijuana company will be publicly traded. It’s the first ever stock that you can buy high AND sell high. –Conan O’Brien

On Twitter, porn actress Jenna Jameson bashed Meryl Streep for her Golden Globe speech. Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In their defense, the movie was called Hurricane Katrina (he's ready for the lead in the Joe Biden story)

Two FEMA employees were fired for watching porn while at work. In their defense, the movie was called Hurricane Katrina, and a lot of things got blown. —Greg Gutfeld 

Actor Michael Caine is coming out of retirement at age 92 and he says with some old age makeup, he's ready for the lead in the Joe Biden story. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What's next, a tax on rainbows? (if all of them were Fredo)

"As part of a plan to close his state's budget deficit, New York Governor David Paterson is proposing a tax on Internet pornography. You see, this is why we can't have blind governors. I mean, no offense, but of course he's going to tax pornography. If he can't enjoy it, nobody can. What's next, a tax on rainbows?" --Jimmy Kimmel


Donald Jr. hired a lawyer yesterday. This lawyer, in the past, represented members of the mafia. That actually makes sense — the Trumps are like the Corleone family, if all of them were Fredo. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, these people can barely deliver a pizza (Y'all Wild)

Bill O’Reilly has been fired by Fox News. It’s not that big of a surprise. We all saw this coming at us, you know, like an old man cornering an intern in the break room. –Stephen Colbert

Fox issued an official statement this afternoon on Bill O’Reilly’s dismissal. I think they just took the Roger Ailes statement and just changed the nouns. –Stephen Colbert

One adult video website announced it would donate snow removal services to several cities in the Northeast because it wants to “plow Boston.” Very generous. Very, very generous. I’m not sure I trust the porn industry with city services. I mean, these people can barely deliver a pizza. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think that legally makes you a **** star (Americans’ G-strings)

“Uh, I don’t think anyone wants a check that Trump signed. I think that legally makes you a porn star.” — Stephen Colbert

“Now, and it turns out, the president is not legally allowed to sign checks from the I.R.S. So instead, Mnuchin decided to put the president’s name in the ‘memo’ section of the check. Still better than Trump’s alternative: tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings.” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I could have used seals? (Back Taxes)

As of this month, Michael Cohen reportedly now owes $280,000 to back taxes. Isn't that incredible? There's a porn star named "Back Taxes." --Conan O’Brien

In Pennsylvania, a 100-year-old woman has broken the world record for the 100-yard dash in her age group. She won with the record-setting time of "Wednesday." –Conan O’Brien

"President Obama gave the order for Navy SEALs to kill bin Laden. When President Bush heard about it, he was really upset, saying, 'I could have used seals?'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's nothing if not fair (rolled it up and spanked him with it)

As of a couple of hours ago, Donald Trump hasn't tweeted about his new grandson. He's waiting to see the birth certificate. He's nothing if not fair. –Jimmy Kimmel

“On my 11th day of physical distancing at home, I have been reading how Shakespeare and Sir Isaac Newton came up with some of their greatest ideas while under quarantine during the plague. That’s great – so far all I’ve discovered is you can slide a laundry basket down the stairs. But congratulations to them.” —Jimmy Kimmel

The only way that Trump could be happier with the Mueller Report is if a porn star rolled it up and spanked him with it. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm doing this for America (This would make a great Disney movie)

The Wall Street Journal just reported that America has a surplus of cheese and that every person in the country would have to eat an extra three pounds of cheese this year to get rid of it. So the next time the pizza guy judges you for ordering extra cheese, just say, "I'm doing this for America." –Jimmy Fallon

"Disney is trademarking the phrase 'SEAL Team 6,' after the team that took down Osama bin Laden. Yeah, cause when they shot bin Laden, captured his wives and found his porn, I was like, 'This would make a great Disney movie.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It turns out that the guy who killed Osama bin Laden was Ron Jeremy (And the weird thing is, only half of it is his)

It’s come out that a Navy SEAL has been moonlighting for seven years as a porn star. Even more surprising: It turns out that the guy who killed Osama bin Laden was Ron Jeremy. –Conan O’Brien

In Florida, an 87-year-old man has donated 100 gallons of blood throughout his lifetime. And the weird thing is, only half of it is his. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Except you, I'd do you (Have you seen Gary Busey’s legs?)

President Trump is now being sued by a porn star, a reality star, and a Playboy model – or as Trump's evangelical supporters call that, "the holy trinity." --Conan O’Brien

It’s come out that the president’s son Donald Trump Jr. had an affair with a contestant on “Celebrity Apprentice.” Trump Jr. defended himself, saying, “Have you seen Gary Busey’s legs?” --Conan O’Brien

During President Trump's call to Vladimir Putin, he congratulated the Russian leader despite a message from his staff that read "DO NOT CONGRATULATE." Which is why today Melania sent him a message that read "DO NOT DIVORCE." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

These are all bad examples (Penguins are probably delicious)

"It was Game 1 of the World Series tonight. The Kansas City Royals haven't been in the World Series since 1985. Things were very different back then. Tensions were high with Russia, Congress was locked up in partisan bickering, my career was in the dumps. These are all bad examples." –Craig Ferguson

"Google has announced that they’re going to give free Internet access in airports all across the country. It’s fantastic! Up until now, the only way to see something pornographic at an airport was to follow a senator into the bathroom." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow. I never even knew Trump got her pregnant (particularly step mothers)

A number of education experts are saying that parents of teenagers should teach them porn literacy, particularly step mothers. —Michael Che

Elon Musk gave over $20 million to the mysterious RBG PAC, which claimed that Trump and Ruth Bader Ginsburg agreed on the issue of abortion. Wow. I never even knew Trump got her pregnant. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

the foundation of their defense of America (fluffle)

As Thanksgiving weekend drew to a close, President Biden issued a full and unconditional pardon for his son Hunter, despite having repeatedly pledged not to do so. Normally, you drop a controversial pardon like the way you buy porn at a gas station: in a flurry of other distracting purchases. —Jon Stewart

“Biden is an 82-year-old man — he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life visiting his son in prison.” —Jon Stewart

“Hypocrisy isn’t illegal, nor is it particularly unusual in politics. It’s not like he’s ever going to run again, so why not take care of your kid, even if you said you weren’t going to? I respect it. I don’t have a problem with it. The problem is, the rest of the Democrats made Biden’s pledge to not pardon Hunter the foundation of their defense of America.” —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I got up to use the bathroom and hired a staffer (George W. Bush think tank)

"Former President George W. Bush has hired a man to lead his presidential think tank in Dallas. The man was hired because he was the only candidate who could say the words, 'George W. Bush think tank' with a straight face." --Conan O'Brien

Republican Sen. Ted Cruz is blaming the porn tweet on a staffer logging on to his account at 1 a.m. By the way, if my wife is watching, two nights ago at 2 a.m., I got up to use the bathroom and hired a staffer. That's what that's all about. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Five People You Meet in Hell (They’re hoping the attendance is better than last year when he got circumcised)

Yesterday, California banned the breeding of killer whales in captivity. Good news for orcas, bad news for the orca porn industry. –Conan O’Brien

A man is getting bar mitzvah’d at age 113. They’re hoping the attendance is better than last year when he got circumcised. –Conan O’Brien

"It's been reported that former Vice President Cheney is hard at work on his memoirs. It's called 'The Five People You Meet in Hell.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

El Capitan Cruncho (but there's still a restraining order)

A new porn site is donating a penny to charity each time someone watches one of their porn videos. So finally, a reason to watch porn. –Conan O’Brien

"This morning in Washington, President Bush attended the 6th Annual Hispanic Prayer Breakfast. At the breakfast, President Bush showed off his Spanish by ordering 'El Capitan Cruncho.'" --Conan O'Brien

Chris Christie launched his presidential campaign in the gymnasium of his old high school. He wanted to launch it in his school's cafeteria but there's still a restraining order. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”