I always buy store-brand ketchup (Is this about that speeding ticket?)

"Mitt Romney is worth $250 million. I saw him interviewed and they said, 'Mitt, how did you get so much money?" He said, "You know what? I always buy store-brand ketchup.'" –David Letterman

"Osama bin Laden once got a speeding ticket in Pakistan. This guy had no respect for the law! When SEAL Team 6 broke into the house, he said to them, 'Is this about that speeding ticket?'" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, that's what you get for traveling during volcano season (Boy, you think you know somebody)

"The SEAL Team 6 broke into his compound and Osama bin Laden never knew what hit him. It's like a Kardashian husband." –David Letterman

I did some historical research today. Adolf Hitler, it turns out, was delinquent in his income taxes. He owed over $3 million in taxes. Boy, you think you know somebody. –David Letterman

"Is anyone here stranded because of the volcano? Well, that's what you get for traveling during volcano season." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She’s my favorite Teenage Witch (the best episode of Maury Povich EVER)

The Russia investigation is heating up. I saw that if Trump’s lawyers don’t agree to a sit-down interview with Robert Mueller, he’ll issue a subpoena. Trump was like, “No problem, I love Subpoena. She’s my favorite Teenage Witch.” --Jimmy Fallon

"Today Mitt Romney visited a firehouse here in New York City. Of course, he was disappointed when he learned that the firehouse is not where you get to fire people." –Jimmy Fallon

"Osama bin Laden was killed by Navy Seals yesterday. They did DNA testing to make sure it was Bin Laden. Or as I call it, the best episode of Maury Povich EVER." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he's already put up the mission accomplished banner (It's like being married to a Kardashian)

"Former President Bush is writing his memoir. Writing his autobiography about his eight years in the White House. He's not done with it yet, but he's already put up the mission accomplished banner." –David Letterman

"It's been two years since the SEAL team busted in and got Osama bin Laden. On the night of the raid, the guy never knew what hit him. It's like being married to a Kardashian." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jimmy Dore: Ex-Seal Team 6 Member CALLS BULLSH*T On Charlie Kirk Assassination Narrative!

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills just joined SEAL Team 6 (Torso Jones)

"Nine survivors of shark attacks recently went to Washington, D.C., to press the Senate to put new restrictions on shark fishing. The Senate met with the leader of the group, Torso Jones." --Conan O'Brien

 A new study just came out that found that breast implants can save your life if you’re shot in the chest. In a related story, the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” just joined SEAL Team 6. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

That was the last thing he said (Rancho Inepto)

"Today would have been the birthday of Osama bin Laden. It makes me remember when Seal Team 6 and Barack Obama threw him a surprise party." –David Letterman

"Osama bin Laden was watching TV when the SEAL Team 6 busted in while he was in there with three wives. Just before the SEAL Team 6 came busting in he turned to his wives and said 'Hey girls, let's see who is on 'Leno.' That was the last thing he said." –David Letterman

"Former president George W. Bush is busy, hard at work writing his memoirs down there at his home in Texas, Rancho Inepto." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like being married to a Kardashian (NOW what's Oprah going to do for her last guest?)

"It's been two years since the SEAL team busted in and got Osama bin Laden. On the night of the raid, the guy never knew what hit him. It's like being married to a Kardashian." –David Letterman

"When I heard bin Laden had been killed I went, 'Oh, great. NOW what's Oprah going to do for her last guest?'" –David Letterman

"Al-Qaida has a new leader. Experts are calling him a temporary leader - and so is SEAL Team 6. " -David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm doing this for America (This would make a great Disney movie)

The Wall Street Journal just reported that America has a surplus of cheese and that every person in the country would have to eat an extra three pounds of cheese this year to get rid of it. So the next time the pizza guy judges you for ordering extra cheese, just say, "I'm doing this for America." –Jimmy Fallon

"Disney is trademarking the phrase 'SEAL Team 6,' after the team that took down Osama bin Laden. Yeah, cause when they shot bin Laden, captured his wives and found his porn, I was like, 'This would make a great Disney movie.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I always buy store-brand ketchup (Is this about that speeding ticket?)

"Osama bin Laden once got a speeding ticket in Pakistan. This guy had no respect for the law! When SEAL Team 6 broke into the house, he said to them, 'Is this about that speeding ticket?'" –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney is worth $250 million. I saw him interviewed and they said, 'Mitt, how did you get so much money?" He said, "You know what? I always buy store-brand ketchup.'" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That show doesn't have a prayer (Go Demons! Go Demons!)

"Al-Qaida has a new leader. Experts are calling him a temporary

leader - and so is SEAL Team 6. " --David Letterman

"Dick Cheney went to see the Tom Hanks film 'Angels and Demons,' and through the whole movie he's screaming, 'Go Demons! Go Demons.'" --David Letterman

"When we started the show, there were mixed responses. Half of the people said, 'That show doesn't have a chance.' The other half said, 'That show doesn't have a prayer.'" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This would make a great Disney movie (ask if Zoloft might be right for them)

"Disney is trademarking the phrase 'SEAL Team 6,' after the team that took down Osama bin Laden. Yeah, cause when they shot bin Laden, captured his wives and found his porn, I was like, 'This would make a great Disney movie.'" –Jimmy Fallon

A new study found that more than half of American doctors are burnt out, exhausted, and losing their sense of purpose. So, if your doctor seems burnt out, exhausted, and losing their sense of purpose, ask if Zoloft might be right for them. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's not done with it yet, but he's already put up the mission accomplished banner (It's like being married to a Kardashian)

"It's been two years since the SEAL team busted in and got Osama bin Laden. On the night of the raid, the guy never knew what hit him. It's like being married to a Kardashian." –David Letterman

"Former President Bush is writing his memoir. Writing his autobiography about his eight years in the White House. He's not done with it yet, but he's already put up the mission accomplished banner." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In a related story, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills just joined SEAL Team 6 (Torso Jones)

"Nine survivors of shark attacks recently went to Washington, D.C., to press the Senate to put new restrictions on shark fishing. The Senate met with the leader of the group, Torso Jones." --Conan O'Brien

"A major wildfire in northern California is now being blamed on marijuana farmers. Everyone in the region's really angry about it – unless they're downwind, then they're totally cool." –Conan O'Brien

A new study just came out that found that breast implants can save your life if you’re shot in the chest. In a related story, the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” just joined SEAL Team 6. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Is this about that speeding ticket? (Who says these guys aren't doing stuff, huh?)

"Mitt Romney is worth $250 million. I saw him interviewed and they said, 'Mitt, how did you get so much money?" He said, "You know what? I always buy store-brand ketchup.'" –David Letterman

"Tomorrow the Republicans in the House of Representatives will vote for the 30th time on healthcare. For the 30th time they'll vote it down again. Who says these guys aren't doing stuff, huh?" –David Letterman

"Osama bin Laden once got a speeding ticket in Pakistan. This guy had no respect for the law! When SEAL Team 6 broke into the house, he said to them, 'Is this about that speeding ticket?'" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Experts are calling him a temporary leader - and so is SEAL Team 6 (Oh, and he was also deflating footballs)

"Al-Qaida has a new leader. Experts are calling him a temporary leader - and so is SEAL Team 6. " --David Letterman

"A lot of Republicans attended President Obama's Super Bowl party. And I thought oh, yeah, they care about New Orleans, now!" –David Letterman

“Romney said the poor ought to get together and go to Best Buy to watch the Super Bowl on the wide screen.” –David Letterman

"I have nothing against the North Koreans but this Kim Jong Un has got a screw loose. A member of his cabinet, his security minister, nods off, falls asleep. We've all done it. Kim Jong Un takes the guy out and has him executed, just for just falling asleep. Oh, and he was also deflating footballs." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They have zero calories because you suck so hard on the straw you pass out (This would make a great Disney movie)

A new survey found that Green Bay, Wisconsin, is the drunkest city in the U.S. You can tell, cuz no one in Green Bay remembers answering that survey. --Jimmy Fallon

"Disney is trademarking the phrase 'SEAL Team 6,' after the team that took down Osama bin Laden. Yeah, cause when they shot bin Laden, captured his wives and found his porn, I was like, 'This would make a great Disney movie.'" –Jimmy Fallon

There’s a restaurant in New York that’s now serving hummus smoothies. They have zero calories because you suck so hard on the straw you pass out. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey girls, let's see who is on 'Leno.' That was the last thing he said. (The key to looking amazing)

"The Republicans are so happy about bin Laden's death they’ve granted President Obama full citizenship." –David Letterman

"Osama bin Laden was watching TV when the SEAL Team 6 busted in while he was in there with three wives. Just before the SEAL Team 6 came busting in he turned to his wives and said 'Hey girls, let's see who is on 'Leno.' That was the last thing he said." –David Letterman

"Today would have been the birthday of Osama bin Laden. It makes me remember when Seal Team 6 and Barack Obama threw him a surprise party." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Osama bin Laden's death has damaged the brand — that and poor customer service (It's like a Kardashian husband)

"When I heard bin Laden had been killed I went, 'Oh, great. NOW what's Oprah going to do for her last guest?'" –David Letterman

"Since Osama bin Laden was killed, they say the brand name of Al Qaeda has been damaged. Osama bin Laden's death has damaged the brand — that and poor customer service." –David Letterman

"The SEAL Team 6 broke into his compound and Osama bin Laden never knew what hit him. It's like a Kardashian husband." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In a related story, Siri is now asking to be addressed as Steve (Oh, hell, where did I leave that baby?)

A new study just came out that found that breast implants can save your life if you’re shot in the chest. In a related story, the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” just joined SEAL Team 6. –Conan O’Brien

iPhone users are reporting that Siri will correct them if they try to say Bruce Jenner instead of Caitlyn. In a related story, Siri is now asking to be addressed as Steve. —Conan O’Brien

According to a poll that just came out, Donald Trump is getting zero percent of the black vote in some states. Trump said, "Don’t worry, by the time the election comes around I will double that.” –Conan O’Brien

"This is weird. In a recent interview, Levi Johnston said that Sarah Palin could never handle the responsibility of being president. Then he said, 'Oh, hell, where did I leave that baby?'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”