NHL: Nashville Predators vs Washington Capitals

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You sure about that? (Uh, ’shrooms)

Last night was the closing ceremony for the Winter Olympics, and they had some crazy stuff. They had a big conga line, they had a giant snow globe. They had glow-in-the-dark pandas on roller skates. When asked what inspired the pandas, they said, “Uh, ’shrooms.” --Jimmy Fallon

Hey, guys, listen to this: Disney has a new "Star Wars" theme park. And they're promising a fully physical and immersive experience. So, kids, get ready for a ride where Dad cuts your hand off. --Jimmy Fallon

Lawmakers in New Hampshire are now backing a bill that would make it illegal for women to expose their breasts in public because they say it could hurt tourism. Then New Orleans said, “You sure about that?” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Washington Capitals vs Winnipeg Jets

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Washington Capitals vs Seattle Kraken

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

These layoffs were brought to you by the letters F and U (if that guy is out of shape, I have been dead for five years)

Sesame Street announced that they have fired several of their long-time cast members. These layoffs were brought to you by the letters F and U. –Conan O’Brien

"Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps isn't doing so well is because he let himself get too out of shape. I just have to say that I have been watching the Olympics, and if that guy is out of shape, I have been dead for five years." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

11 appearances on the cover of Mad magazine (in a way, haven't you already lost?)

"Seriously, the Olympic badminton players were apparently trying to lose on purpose, a big story. But really, think about it, if you train day and night for four years to be in the Olympics for badminton, in a way, haven't you already lost?" –Conan O'Brien

"This is true, though. This is Obama's 12th appearance on the cover of Time magazine. And this beats President Bush's record of 11 appearances on the cover of Mad magazine." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Washington Capitals vs Minnesota Wild

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Washington Capitals vs Detroit Red Wings

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

#books

 

NHL: Washington Capitals vs Florida Panthers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they have a huge section devoted to weapons of mass destruction, but nobody can find it (freestyle w*terboarding)

"Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton. Over the weekend, she gave birth to a baby girl. The baby girl will not confirm or deny whether she's running in 2056." –David Letterman

"The Bush Presidential Library is beautiful, and they have a huge section devoted to weapons of mass destruction, but nobody can find it." –David Letterman

"Dick Cheney is all excited about the 2016 Olympics. He's really looking forward to the freestyle waterboarding." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Washington Capitals vs New Jersey Devils

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Washington Capitals vs Detroit Red Wings

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Washington Capitals vs Tampa Bay Lightning

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

medium height, medium build, and extremely circumcised (and it's really not a secret)

Here’s an interesting story. Break Dancing might become an Olympic event. Break Dancing in the Olympics is the first event where you can become a Gold medalist and somehow still disappoint your parents with your career choices. --James Corden

At a hardware store in California, a man was caught on camera attempting to steal a chainsaw, but stuffing it down his pants. Honestly, let him keep it. He earned that chainsaw more than anyone who ever paid for it. The suspect got away and police are describing him as medium height, medium build, and extremely circumcised. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Washington Capitals vs Philadelphia Flyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Big Apple to go dark after 11 p.m. (cabinet members)

A New York City lawmaker is proposing a bill that would force the Big Apple to go dark after 11 p.m. Citizens worry this could cause an uptick in crime, while Bill Clinton worried that it'll be that much harder to pick out a hooker. —Greg Gutfeld

The Olympics are now testing to verify the biological sex of all female competitors. The proof will be based on whether they refuse to order French fries and then eat half of yours. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They live with constant fear of a reckoning (Netanyahu said it was okay)

It was reported that Jeffrey Epstein hid photographs in secret storage lockers across the country. But I guess he had to take a lot of pictures because kids grow up so fast. —Michael Che

A former Olympic athlete who promoted the run-walk-run strategy to running has died at the age of 80. Cause of death was listed as run-walk-bus. —Michael Che

Detractors on CNN are saying that President Trump had no authorization for this war, but he actually did. Netanyahu said it was okay. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she seems to have gained a lot of weight in prison (send wasabi and chopsticks)

Recent pictures of Jeffrey Epstein cohort and convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell show that she seems to have gained a lot of weight in prison. Sources say she's trying to make it harder to be lifted up to a noose. —Greg Gutfeld

Speaking of the Olympics, a Norwegian medalist tearfully admitted on camera to cheating on his girlfriend of just 6 months. Well, say goodbye to being on the Wheaties box. —Greg Gutfeld

A 46- ft whale washed ashore dead on Sunset Beach in Oregon. In lieu of flowers, Bobby Kennedy is asking that you send wasabi and chopsticks. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the same technology they use to make fondue over at The View (The 1% that it does work for)

By the way, this year's Olympics will feature women's team curling. This is all part of an effort to show that some women still know how to use a broom. —Greg Gutfeld

At this year's Winter Olympics opening ceremony in Italy, two giant cauldrons were lit simultaneously. Fun fact, it's the same technology they use to make fondue over at The View. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, as long as it's the bottom half, baby (“Oh Lord!” said the Jamaican bobsled team)

A new study finds that by the year 2035, nearly half of American adults will be obese. Hey, as long as it's the bottom half, baby. —Michael Che

Relationship experts are warning that asking a person "How are you?" is a useless way to start a conversation, which is why I always open with "How much?” —Michael Che

It was reported that ICE agents will have a small security role at the Winter Olympics in Italy. “Oh Lord!” said the Jamaican bobsled team. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”