Don’t I get credit for anything? (everything that ends in “izl”)

This week, Sarah Palin said that God helped Donald Trump win the presidential election. When he heard this, a furious Satan said, “Don’t I get credit for anything?” –Conan O’Brien

It is reported that rapper Snoop Dogg is filing for divorce. Apparently the divorce settlement is fair. Snoop’s wife gets the car and the house and Snoop gets custody of everything that ends in “izl.” --Conan O’Brien 5/25/2004

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is coming from the lead researcher, "Timmy." (it's so big, it can do the work of two babies)

Football stadiums are going to get a delivery system that will bring food right to your seat. However, if you’re a Los Angeles Rams fan, your food will most likely be intercepted and returned for a touchdown. –Conan O’Brien

A new study claims that first grade students are getting three times more homework than they should be doing. This is coming from the lead researcher, "Timmy." –Conan O’Brien

"A mother in China gave birth to a 15-pound baby. Chinese officials say it's so big, it can do the work of two babies." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, that’s the censored version (Officials first became suspicious in 1991)

The publisher of Hillary Clinton’s upcoming memoir announced today that the title of her book will be the statement “What Happened.” Well, that’s the censored version. –Seth Meyers

Snoop Dogg was arrested and released in Sweden this weekend on suspicion of using illegal drugs. Officials first became suspicious in 1991. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m sorry, that should be 70-24-36 (Snoop, that’s a mop)

According to a new report, so-called naked wedding dresses made of lace and sheer fabrics will be a popular trend this year. Also a popular wedding trend this year -- grandma heart attacks. --Seth Meyers

Happy birthday to Dolly Parton, who turned 70 today. I’m sorry, that should be 70-24-36. –Seth Meyers

Rapper Snoop Dogg recently revealed that country music singer Willie Nelson is the only person who can “out-smoke” him. And then someone said, “Snoop, that’s a mop.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Apparently, all they need is some water and Jesus (everything that ends in “izl”)

Experts in Israel are trying to re-create a wine used in the time of Jesus. Apparently, all they need is some water and Jesus. –Conan O’Brien

It is reported that rapper Snoop Dogg is filing for divorce. Apparently the divorce settlement is fair. Snoop’s wife gets the car and the house and Snoop gets custody of everything that ends in “izl.” --Conan O’Brien 5/25/2004

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they pulled over Snoop Dog's bus and found a baked ham (unanswered questions)

Yesterday police in Ohio pulled over Ruben Studdard tour bus and the cops found a bag of marijuana. Police believe there must have been a mix-up because later they pulled over Snoop Dog's bus and found a baked ham. --Conan O’Brien 4/13/2004

There's a new Paris Hilton sex video. When asked about it Hilton said, “I feel like the first one left a lot of unanswered questions.” --Conan O’Brien 9/28/2004

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

notorious for being under control (Mama Bear for Oligarchs)

 

"Kind of a sad study out today that single women over the age of 35 are more likely to be shot by the vice president Dick Cheney than to find a husband." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The Chinese government claims that it has the smog that Beijing is ‘notorious for being under control’, but here's how bad it really is. They say if Snoop Dogg rolled down the window of his limo, smoke would pour in." --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

On the plus side, everyone around him was already distancing (we were afraid of our fruit)

In typical fashion, Donald Trump also promised: “We were a great nation, and we will soon be a great nation again.”Oh yes, I remember four years ago, in 2020, everyone was free to stay at home for months Lysol-ing their banana – if you know what I mean. And I mean: we were afraid of our fruit. —Stephen Colbert

“President Biden tested positive yesterday for Covid-19. On the plus side, everyone around him was already distancing.” — Seth Meyers

“Biden has Covid, which is no joke for a man of his age, especially because this is an unusual strain where the brain fog hits you three weeks ago.” — Jordan Klepper

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

THAT’S how you Make America Great Again! (Take a Wish Foundation)

Burger King has merged a Whopper with a burrito to make a Whopperito. So take note, Donald Trump: THAT’S how you Make America Great Again! –Conan O’Brien

A new report came out and it says that Donald Trump once shifted charitable donations for sick kids into his own business. Trump referred to the charity as the "Take a Wish Foundation." –Conan O’Brien

In a new interview, Kanye West talks about being bipolar. Kanye said sometimes he loves himself but other times, he really loves himself. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they pulled over Snoop Dogg's bus and found a baked ham (Courtney Love's apartment)

Some TV critics have accused Donald Trump's show The

Apprentice of being nothing but a year-long infomercial for

Trump's company. When asked to comment, Donald Trump

said, “Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump

Trump Trump.” --Conan O’Brien 4/16/2004

​​This is true. Yesterday a woman posing as a cleaning lady robbed Courtney Love's apartment. Neighbors became suspicious when they saw a cleaning lady going into Courtney Love's apartment. --Conan O’Brien 4/13/2004

Yesterday police in Ohio pulled over Ruben Studdard’s tour bus and the cops found a bag of marijuana. Police believe there must have been a mix-up because later they pulled over Snoop Dogg's bus and found a baked ham. --Conan O’Brien 4/13/2004

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

ratings are going to be higher than Snoop Dogg at a Willie Nelson concert (not-too-Swifties)

“There are so many questions about this Super Bowl: can the 49ers contain Patrick Mahomes? Can the Chiefs stop Christian McCaffrey? And the one that most people care about: can Taylor Swift make it there because she has a concert in Japan the day before?! Between the Super Bowl and Swift, he added, ratings are going to be higher than Snoop Dogg at a Willie Nelson concert.” —Jimmy Fallon

Supporters of former President Donald Trump are spreading conspiracy theories about the Super Bowl, Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs and his girlfriend, Taylor Swift. Even this clown who ran for president, Vivek Ramaswamy, added his nut voice to the chorus of cuckoos. He pointed to the former G.O.P. candidate’s suggestion that Kelce and Swift were “an artificially culturally propped-up couple” and that the Super Bowl would be rigged, all to get President Biden re-elected. And it’s not just on Twitter — this nonsense is now everywhere your angry grandpa goes, I’m calling the conspiracy theorists, the “not-too-Swifties.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

For a while, I was their prime suspect (a full bar)

A man in Portland stole a 2-foot python from a pet store by putting it in his pants. For a while, I was their prime suspect. –Conan O’Brien

“Meanwhile, one senator claims that during the impeachment trial they’re only allowed to drink water and milk on the Senate floor. Yeah, or as Mitt Romney calls that, a full bar.” —Conan O’Brien

It is reported that rapper Snoop Dogg is filing for divorce. Apparently the divorce settlement is fair. Snoop’s wife gets the car and the house and Snoop gets custody of everything that ends in “izl.” --Conan O’Brien 5/25/2004

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How did this not happen in Florida? (This is how high fuel prices are)

But despite the shutdown, the FDA is trying to restart their inspections of risky foods, though so far it's just one guy going, "Does this smell bad to you? Try it. Drink it." --Jimmy Fallon

Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles International Airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, “I’m not in the TSA.” –Jimmy Fallon

A woman in Texas was banned from Walmart this weekend. The woman spent several hours driving an electric shopping cart around the store's parking lot while drinking wine from a Pringles can. Texas police had a lot of questions, starting with, "How did this not happen in Florida?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, that’s the censored version (Officials first became suspicious in 1991)

The publisher of Hillary Clinton’s upcoming memoir announced today that the title of her book will be the statement “What Happened.” Well, that’s the censored version. –Seth Meyers

Snoop Dogg was arrested and released in Sweden this weekend on suspicion of using illegal drugs. Officials first became suspicious in 1991. --Seth Meyers

First lady Melania Trump announced today that her first solo international trip will be to Toronto, Canada. The purpose of her trip hasn't been announced. But I'm guessing sanctuary? –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I heard it’s going to be a real snausage fest (Snoop, that’s a mop)

Today was International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day. There’s a party later tonight, but I heard it’s going to be a real snausage fest. –Seth Meyers

Vice President Mike Pence today called reports claiming that President Trump had an affair with an adult film star nothing more than “baseless allegations.” That’s right, it’s just another case of “she said, he paid.” --Seth Meyers

Vice President Mike Pence today toured a factory in St. Louis. Pence was like, “It’s so great to be back here in the place where I was built.” –Seth Meyers

Rapper Snoop Dogg recently revealed that country music singer Willie Nelson is the only person who can “out-smoke” him. And then someone said, “Snoop, that’s a mop.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s like being told halfway through a dinner party that it’s an orgy (The Florida food pyramid is just gator jerky and meth)

 “A federal judge in Florida struck down the C.D.C.’s mask mandate for public transportation on Monday. This judge claimed that the C.D.C. exceeded their legal authority by requiring masks and that their power was limited to things like cleaning property, not requiring people to take hygienic steps. Yes, you cannot force people to follow basic hygiene; you can only make them clean property, explains the new bathroom sign: ‘Before returning to work, employees must wash this sign.’” —Stephen Colbert

“The judges court order is great news for anyone who ever rode public transport and said ‘this is way too sanitary.’” —Stephen Colbert

“The ruling came from Kathryn Kimball Mizelle, a Tampa-based federal judge appointed by Trump after he lost the 2020 election. You can’t let Florida make health decisions for the entire country! That’s not smart! The Florida food pyramid is just gator jerky and meth.” —Stephen Colbert

“All major airline carriers immediately changed their mask policies, with some announcing the change mid-flight. Look, people can take this news however they want, but it’s unfair for people who might be immunocompromised or traveling with unvaccinated children to change the rules mid-flight. That’s like being told halfway through a dinner party that it’s an orgy.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Martha Stewart’s friend and the headphones guy (The big hits, the long draws)

February 2022

“Two legends of hardcore gangsta rap, or as the kids today call them: Martha Stewart’s friend and the headphones guy.” — Stephen Colbert on Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre

“But as always, the star of the game was the commercials, and this year a ton of them were pushing crypto. Coinbase aired a spot with a floating magenta QR code, Larry David shilled for FTX, and a crypto.com ad featured LeBron James advising his younger self to learn more about the site. If he really wants to look out for young LeBron, tell him to avoid Space Jam 2.” —Stephen Colbert 

“But it really was quite a game. The big hits, the long draws, and that was just Snoop right before the halftime show.” —James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

For Snoop, that’s a performance-enhancing drug (1 in 6)

February 2022

“Yesterday, as I hope you know, was Super Bowl Sunday, also known as — a.k.a. ‘Cryptocurrency Awareness Day.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Dr. Dre, 50 Cent, Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, Anderson .Paak, and — it was supposed to be Mary J. Blige, but Snoop Dogg smoked all the j’s, so it was just Mary Blige.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“This is a headline in The New York Post today: ‘Snoop Dogg smokes weed right before star-studded Super Bowl halftime show.’ Yeah, no kidding. He smokes weed right before everything.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“For Snoop, that’s a performance-enhancing drug.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s right, it’s just another case of “she said, he paid.” (Snoop, that’s a mop)

The Taj Mahal is currently undergoing its first cleaning since its construction

in the 1600s. “Maybe we should do that,” said New York. --Seth Meyers

Rum maker Bacardi announced yesterday that it is acquiring Patron Spirits

for $5.1 billion. And like most Bacardi announcements, it was shouted at

5 a.m. in the back seat of an Uber. --Seth Meyers

Vice President Mike Pence today called reports claiming that President

Trump had an affair with an adult film star nothing more than “baseless

allegations.” That’s right, it’s just another case of “she said, he paid.”

--Seth Meyers

The butter substitute “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” is reportedly changing

its iconic name. From now on it’ll be called “I Can’t Believe Donald Trump

Is President.” –Seth Meyers

Rapper Snoop Dogg recently revealed that country music singer Willie

Nelson is the only person who can “out-smoke” him. And then someone

said, “Snoop, that’s a mop.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry