Doctors say his tail will grow back in no time (he's more like Bill)

James Carville made a video letting everyone know he's recovering from surgery. Doctors say his tail will grow back in no time. —Greg Gutfeld 

And finally, a portrait of President Trump made of horse poop has sold for $1,800 in Canada. Not to be outdone, Joe Biden's poop made into a horse sold for $18,000. —Greg Gutfeld  

CNN compared Abdul El-Sayed to Hillary Clinton. In reality, he's more like Bill since they both dream about being with 72 virgins. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She looked like such a deer in the headlights (help Supergirl pay her rent)

During a CNN interview, Dana Bash got into a wild shouting match with RFK Jr. She looked like such a deer in the headlights, RFK tried to eat her. —Greg Gutfeld

Over the weekend, the new Spider-Man movie made $355 million. Meanwhile, a GoFundMe was started to help Supergirl pay her rent. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fact, his campaign bus runs on the tears of the poor (he’s been training for this really for his whole life)

“Mitt Romney is getting some heat today for something he said on CNN. He said he's not concerned about the very poor. I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to say that out loud. Romney said the quote was taken out of context. And that he absolutely cares about the poor. In fact, his campaign bus runs on the tears of the poor.” –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump is right now gearing up for his first State of the Union speech; it’s tomorrow night. State of the Union is the one day of the year presidents are supposed to brag about their accomplishments. So he’s been training for this really for his whole life. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he was referring to his ability to balance a bowl of chili on his belly (a dozen bails of hay per day)

Former CNN anchor Brooke Baldwin described her sex life and claims that she’s pretty darn good in bed. Brian Stelter also claims that he’s pretty darn good in bed. But he was referring to his ability to balance a bowl of chili on his belly. —Greg Gutfeld

In bid to appeal to older customers, Hasbro has introduced Play-Doh for adults. An already Joe Biden is calling it delicious. —Greg Gutfeld

The View has been hit with major budget cuts. It’s so bad that the ladies have now been reduced to a dozen bails of hay per day. —Greg Gutfeld

And because it was so expensive The View will no longer do a Halloween show, which is a fan favorite because it’s the only time they put on masks. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To keep them in control was not difficult (It was so hard staying alive, staying alive)

“I don’t understand how Trump has never heard of the person in charge of finding the vaccine to the disease that has shut down the entire world — and don’t tell me it’s because he’s too busy. I mean, this is the same man — the same man who says he’s been watching every nightly news show plus CNN, MSNBC in the morning, Fox News on weekend afternoons, and even reruns of baseball. Reruns! Let me tell you something: If you have time to watch reruns of baseball, you have time for anything. Baseball is boring when it’s happening. Watching it in reruns is like watching paint dry through a PowerPoint presentation.” — Trevor Noah

“You know, Trump talks about cabin fever like it’s an actual illness. [as Trump] This cabin fever, worse than any disease we’ve ever had, even worse than the disease from the ’70s, disco fever. It was so hard staying alive, staying alive.” — Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

“I’m on my way!!,” said R. Kelly (you're probably not big on warnings)

According to CNN, over 800 people in Central Florida were stung by jellyfish this week. “I’m on my way!!” said R. Kelly. --Seth Meyers

Authorities are warning people to avoid swimming in some New Jersey rivers because of increased numbers of so-called clinging jellyfish. Though if you're swimming in New Jersey rivers, you're probably not big on warnings. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it was the only word all night I knew how to spell (This is brutal!)

Last night, the Golden State Warriors beat the Cavaliers by 33 points in Game 2 of the NBA Finals. Yeah, 33 points! Even people switching over from "Game of Thrones" were like, "This is brutal!" –Jimmy Fallon

The Scripps National Spelling Bee was last night on ESPN. I watched it, and ESPN was the only word all night I knew how to spell. –Jimmy Fallon

"Last Friday CNN had its worst 10 p.m. ratings of all time, with only 35,000 viewers tuning in. I left it on for my dog, and when I came back, she was reading a newspaper." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Did someone say multiple shots? (settled science)

But true, the shooting took place at the DC Hilton, the same venue where Ronald Reagan was shot. So for the rescheduled event happening in a month, organizers will look for a venue with less chance of gunfire, like Beirut. —Greg Gutfeld

Witnesses at the event had reported multiple shots. "Did someone say multiple shots?" asked Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

Witnesses say they first heard a loud bang, but had simply assumed that Chris Christie just tried the chili. —Greg Gutfeld

Most in the media present at the event expressed shock over the incident, although CNN's Brian Stelter wondered why couldn't they have held the assassination attempt until after dessert. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's time times like these that make me glad I'm already **** (a well informed examination)

Daryl Sheets, a star of the TV show Storage Wars, has died. Oh, Daryl. His last words. We'll get your locker right open, Mrs. Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld

The White House Correspondents Association dinner erupted in chaos after a crazed gunman rushed to the security checkpoint and opened fire. The man was immediately grabbed, tackled to the ground, and offered his own prime time show on CNN. Good news though, Nancy Pelosi was safe as she was wearing a bulletproof face. When reached for comment, Joe Biden said, "It's time times like these that make me glad I'm already dead.” —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

And to show he's serious, he's already failed his drug test (but they've yet to apologize for...)

 

 

So CNN is apologizing for making everyone think that Michael J. Fox had died, but they've yet to apologize for spending four years making everyone think Joe Biden was alive. —Greg Gutfeld    

Hunter Biden has challenged Donald Trump's sons to a cage fight. And to show he's serious, he's already failed his drug test. —Greg Gutfeld 

 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 
and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

This is no way for the assistant commander of the Space Force to behave (Trump has been nothing but nice to them)

“Meanwhile, the vice-poodle seems to be learning some Trumpy

new tricks about self-promotion. Mike Pence’s office is refusing to

let White House health experts appear on CNN unless the network

promised to air the vice-president’s non-expert comments. I don’t

know how we explain this to Mike Pence, but he isn’t Batman. He’s

Robin. Nobody cares about Robin. In the last 30 years they made

nine Batman movies, Robin only got to be in two of them. So calm

down, boy wonder. This is no way for the assistant commander of

the Space Force to behave.” —Jimmy Kimmel

"Not only is Sarah Palin young, they're saying she's the prettiest candidate for Vice President since John Edwards." --Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump is upset today because so many of his former Republican rivals have not endorsed him. He says he feels like he is running against two parties because none of the guys have jumped in to lend their support. Which makes no sense at all. Donald Trump has been nothing but nice to them. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your... (If Not Now, When?)

"Here's the detail I found most interesting: all the television sets must be tuned to Fox News. Wow! Because god forbid he walks into a hotel room, and the TV is on another channel, and he finds out what a sh---y job he's been doing. He's got to avoid not just CNN and MSNBC, I think Animal Planet is doing stories on that now. There was one other detail on the bottom of the rider, it was handwritten and somewhat cryptic. He also requests a rifle, some ammo and an old man's face." --Jon Stewart, on Dick Cheney's hotel suite demands

"The Supreme Court ruling that anyone who's arrested -- even accidentally -- can be strip-searched was decided five to four, with the votes for the searches coming from the Court's five conservatives. You know -- the 'defending personal liberty' guys. Which is weird because I'm not a constitutional scholar, but I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your anus." –Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jimmy Dore: Trump Approval Ratings COLLAPSING Over Iran War & Inflation!

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Does he run on our misery? Does that make him stronger? (unless they have shovels)

I hope you had a happy Monday, because the dizzying, chaotic carnival ride that is Donald Trump’s America continues to careen down Shitshow Hill. It’s fucking madness out there: TSA lines longer than your actual trip, escalating threats in the Middle East, planes driving into trucks. But luckily, with everything going wrong in our country, our intrepid leader is utterly unbothered. The world disintegrates around President Trump, largely due to his actions, yet he still managed to spend the weekend golfing a couple of times and partying at Mar-a-Lago. I really think that the less fun we’re all having, the better he seems to be doing. Does he run on our misery? Does that make him stronger? —Jon Stewart

Look, Donald Trump is without a doubt one of the most prodigious liars this country has ever produced. He’s our Supreme Misleader. But the chaos this very actual war is creating is making us question even his reality-distorting powers. Let’s step back into the wayback machine. All the way back, I don’t know, June, when Israel and the United States first bombed Iran’s nuclear program. Remember when Trump claimed, among other things, that “we wiped out the nuclear capability of Iran. Obliterated it.” “It was obliterated like nobody’s ever seen before.” “I would say it’s set back permanently.” “That place is under rock. That place is demolished” And “They’re never gonna have nuclear.” CNN host Kaitlan Collins asked him: “If you obliterated their nuclear sites last summer with your strikes, then how can you argue it was an imminent threat now?” “We hit them so hard we oblitted them – obliterated them, but that doesn’t mean with the right equipment you can’t dig down and go get it.” Actually, I think it’s exactly what it means. God damn it. Motherfucker. It’s so annoying. Let’s consult the dictionary: “‘To obliterate: to destroy completely, leaving nothing behind.’ There’s nothing in here about, ‘Well, we completely obliterated it, unless they have shovels.’” —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a no slip rapture grip so the lid can yank me into heaven (wardrobe malfunction)

President Trump’s recent speech at a Medal of Honor ceremony, where his rambling remarks included comments about the White House drapes. The president added that he attempted to get a Medal of Honor for himself, but was told that it would “be bad protocol”. I just want you to consider how many things he’s admitting here. He’s admitting he tried to give himself a Medal of Honor, he’s admitting it’s a bad look and he’s admitting that he had to be told it’s a bad look. —Seth Meyers

A CNN poll found that 59% of Americans disapprove of the Iran strikes, as well as reports that US commanders at military bases have told troops that “President Trump has been anointed by Jesus to light the signal fire in Iran to cause Armageddon and mark his return to Earth.” That’s one exit strategy! I’m dusting off this gold helmet with a no slip rapture grip so the lid can yank me into heaven. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They live with constant fear of a reckoning (Netanyahu said it was okay)

It was reported that Jeffrey Epstein hid photographs in secret storage lockers across the country. But I guess he had to take a lot of pictures because kids grow up so fast. —Michael Che

A former Olympic athlete who promoted the run-walk-run strategy to running has died at the age of 80. Cause of death was listed as run-walk-bus. —Michael Che

Detractors on CNN are saying that President Trump had no authorization for this war, but he actually did. Netanyahu said it was okay. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It took them hours because nobody knew the number for 911 (Basic needs of Americans)

So, Jasmine Crockett's campaign reportedly once called the police on a CNN reporter. It took them hours, however, because nobody knew the number for 911. —Greg Gutfeld

A company that makes sex toys for men revealed that hackers stole the names, emails, and past order details of customers. You know, this is a great opportunity to remind you how common a name Greg Gutfeld is. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

when he’s in the room, women don’t smile (One paycheck)

There has been a ton of fallout from the latest batch of Epstein files. Trump is so eager for this to go away, he said, that on Wednesday, when asked about the files at the Oval Office, the president answered: “I think it’s really time for the country to get on to something else. Now that nothing came out about me … but I think it’s time now for the country to maybe get on to something else.”

Yes sir, I think it’s time to turn the page. Unfortunately, you’re on the next page too. You’re on like 5,000 of the pages. Trump really wants us to stop talking about his former best friend’s international sex crime documents, which is why when CNN’s Kaitlan Collins followed up on that initial question, Trump lashed out and said: “You are the worst reporter. CNN has no ratings because of people like you. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile,” Trump continued. “I’ve known you for 10 years. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a smile on your face … You know why you’re not smiling? Because you know you’re not telling the truth. And you’re a very dishonest organization, and they should be ashamed of you.” Not only is that disgusting and misogynistic, but it’s also a bit of a tell – ‘Uh, Mr President, what do you say to the accusations that you mistreat women?’ 

‘That girl’s fugly and I hate her.’ But according to JD Vance, Trump’s comment that Collins didn’t smile enough was “actually, like, so perceptive”. He’s got a point. No, folks, he’s got a point! It is perceptive of the president to recognize that when he’s in the room, women don’t smile. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

but that just got them more excited (aged whiskey)

Residents of a town in Missouri this week are complaining about the creation of a “bondage club” that operates next door to a church. The town filed a restraining order, but that just got them more excited. –Seth Meyers

A start-up in San Francisco has developed a way to make an aged whiskey in just 24 hours. They just put the whiskey in a bottle and put the bottle in front of CNN. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Crap, did I sleep with CNN? (So he’s available?)

It was reported recently that Prince Harry will opt out of the royal family's annual pheasant shoot due to his wife Meghan Markle's love of animals. Said Queen Elizabeth, "Oh, you misunderstood. We're shooting peasants." --Jimmy Fallon

Jacksonville Jaguars coach Gus Bradley was fired yesterday after the team lost nine games in a row. Or as the Cleveland Browns put it, “So he’s available?” –Jimmy Fallon

This morning, CNN filed a lawsuit against President Trump. When he found out, Trump was furious. He was like, "Crap, did I sleep with CNN?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”