You sure about that? (Uh, ’shrooms)

Last night was the closing ceremony for the Winter Olympics, and they had some crazy stuff. They had a big conga line, they had a giant snow globe. They had glow-in-the-dark pandas on roller skates. When asked what inspired the pandas, they said, “Uh, ’shrooms.” --Jimmy Fallon

Hey, guys, listen to this: Disney has a new "Star Wars" theme park. And they're promising a fully physical and immersive experience. So, kids, get ready for a ride where Dad cuts your hand off. --Jimmy Fallon

Lawmakers in New Hampshire are now backing a bill that would make it illegal for women to expose their breasts in public because they say it could hurt tourism. Then New Orleans said, “You sure about that?” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Vegas Golden Knights vs Winnipeg Jets

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Toronto Maple Leafs vs Vegas Golden Knights

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You refuse to see it when it's the reality you're living in (So finally something good is going to come out of Donald Trump)

"At a basketball game, the President and Michelle Obama got caught off-guard on a kiss cam. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney was caught off-guard by the show us your tax returns cam." –Conan O'Brien

A store in Houston is selling Donald Trump piñatas filled with candy. So finally something good is going to come out of Donald Trump. —Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You wouldn't believe how many guys on Match.com once dated Kate Upton (it ends with him killing Obi-Wan Kenobi)

Match.com is charging $5,000 to set you up with someone who looks like your ex. You wouldn't believe how many guys on Match.com once dated Kate Upton.--Conan O'Brien

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney is in the news. Cheney has signed a publishing deal to write his memoirs. I don't want to spoil anything, but it ends with him killing Obi-Wan Kenobi.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Arizona Coyotes vs Vegas Golden Knights

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The greed of the 1% (It was so strong the country split open and candy spilled out)

So, police say a woman posed as a New York City high school student when she was actually 28 years old. Authorities almost missed it as most New York City high school students are 28 years old. But evidently teachers became suspicious when they didn't find her sexually attractive. —Greg Gutfeld

A powerful 5.7 magnitude earthquake struck Mexico. It was so strong the country split open and candy spilled out. —Greg Gutfeld

Actor Mark Hamill appeared in a Star Wars themed promo for Obama's presidential library. Makes sense. Neither Luke nor Barack knew their fathers. —Greg Gutfeld

Scientists have uncovered a 2,000-year-old computer. It was found with the skeleton of a man slapping it closed when a skeleton of his wife walked in. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the administration has unveiled a new name for the mission (the cost of owning thyself)

A new poll finds that Americans are overwhelmingly opposed to the Iran war and Trump’s plan to peacefully guide oil tankers through the strait of Hormuz. Oh wait, I’m getting word that the administration has unveiled a new name for the mission. Let’s see, what is it called: Operation Clusterf*ck. —Seth Meyers

A new Ipsos poll which showed Trump’s disapproval ratings at a record 62%, in large part due to gas prices rising $1.50 a gallon since the start of the Iran war. Trump’s disapproval is at an all-time high: higher than Covid and January 6 – a virus and a riot. But I just have a quick question for the 37% who approve [of Trump]. What’s your deal? I get that you’re Maga but what do you actually approve of? Is it worth it for you to pay high gas prices if it means liberals also pay high gas prices? Is that how much you want to own the libs – at the cost of owning thyself? —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was bitten by a radioactive douchebag (That unborn child is Luke Skywalker)

Republicans are blaming President Obama for creating Donald Trump. While others say he was created in a lab when a young real estate developer was bitten by a radioactive douchebag. –Conan O’Brien

"I'm upset that friend of the show Mike Huckabee criticized Natalie Portman for having a child out of wedlock. Listen, I'm no fan of unwed mothers either, but this is Natalie Portman we're talking about. That unborn child is Luke Skywalker." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Colorado Avalanche vs Vegas Golden Knights

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I've got to say, the book was way better than the presidency (Please remember this)

Carrie Fisher claims in her upcoming book that she had an affair with Harrison Ford on the set of “Star Wars.” And Jabba the Hutt was like, “You said you don’t date co-workers. What’s the deal?” –Jimmy Fallon

"I finally read former President Bush's memoir, and I've got to say, the book was way better than the presidency." –Jimmy Fallon

"Dick Cheney attended the ceremony. It's fitting for Cheney to be at the library. He spent eight years telling Bush to be quiet." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NBA2K: Indiana Pacers vs Atlanta Hawks

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

NBA2K: Indiana Pacers vs Memphis Grizzlies (Overtime-Buzzer Beater)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Basically, if your commercials air during golf tournaments, you're done (I hate this game)

"Hey, guess what? Turns out the free market? Not so free. Wall Street was hit hard Monday when Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy, Merrill Lynch was sold to Bank of America, and insurance giant AIG neared a collapse of its own. Basically, if your commercials air during golf tournaments, you're done." --Amy Poehler

"This week President Bush's approval rating hit an all-time low of 34%. To improve this rating, the administration is going to adopt an adorable and precocious little black kid." --Amy Poehler

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NBA2K: Indiana Pacers vs Los Angeles Clippers (Buzzer Beater)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

NBA2K: Indiana Pacers vs Los Angeles Clippers (Dunks-Buzzer Beater)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Unfortunately though, he couldn't get anyone to cover his shift at Arby’s (So glad they caught her in time)

Star Wars actor Mark Hamill revealed he wanted to flee the US after Donald Trump was elected a second time. Unfortunately though, he couldn't get anyone to cover his shift at Arby’s. —Greg Gutfeld

A Danish woman donated her daughter's pony to the local zoo to be fed to lions. Authorities intervened when they realized it wasn't a pony at all, but a confused and very lost Sarah Jessica Parker. So glad they caught her in time. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NBA2K: Indiana Pacers vs Cleveland Cavaliers (Buzzer Beater)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

NBA2K: Indiana Pacers vs Cleveland Cavaliers (Dunks-Buzzer Beater)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I don't want to spoil anything, but... (That's two words)

"Mitt Romney says he plans to differentiate himself from President

Bush with a single word -- 'intelligence.' When he heard this,

President Bush said, 'Intelligence? That's two words.'" --Conan

O'Brien

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney is in the news. Cheney has signed a publishing deal to write his memoirs. I don't want to spoil anything, but it ends with him killing Obi-Wan Kenobi.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”