She had to cut the interview short to go visit her daughter in prison (taking our Social Security and Medicare away)

Rosie O'Donnell went on far-left podcaster Cara Swisser's show this week where they both agreed that lesbians make better parents. Unfortunately, Rosie had to cut the interview short to go visit her daughter in prison. —Greg Gutfeld 

85 year-old actress Donna Mills says she will sell pictures of her feet on her new Only Fans account. She claims the biggest struggle will be moving her n*pples out of the photo. —Greg Gutfeld 

The number one women's tennis player, Aryna Sabalenka, says that she supports gender testing for everyone on the WTA tour. Women will have to prove they're female by taking two and a half hours to get ready. —Tom Shillue 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he says he was rushing to get in his stock trades under the wire (Huge Systemic Failure)

Paul Pelosi has received at least eight driving citations in the last decade since his recent hit and run, including speeding, going through red lights, DUI, and driving down a one-way street. His excuse, he says he was rushing to get in his stock trades under the wire. Good excuse. —Tom Shillue 

7-Eleven just announced plans to close 645 stores. Meanwhile, eBay and Facebook Marketplace are announcing great deals on dirty microwaves. —Tom Shillue 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

World Snake Day (Watch and Learn)

A man in Kansas City had to be rescued after falling into a porta potty while trying to retrieve a bottle of Mountain Dew. RFK Jr. commented on the story saying, "Mountain Dew is not a healthy choice.” —Tom Shillue

Yesterday was World Snake Day, so I hope everyone gives a special shout out to Adam Schiff. —Tom Shillue 

To lessen the strain on Vermont's power grid, customers are being asked to cut back on using air conditioners. Bernie Sanders agreed, although he thought they said hair conditioner. —Tom Shillue 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It has also been hired as the newest correspondent on 60 Minutes (It was supposed to be my war with Russia!)

The largest complete T Rex skeleton just sold at auction and it’s 67 million years old. It has also been hired as the newest correspondent on 60 Minutes. —Tom Shillue 

A Florida man is being ordered to undergo a psychosexual evaluation after being caught having sex with the vacuum cleaner, even worse he was cheating on his blender at the time. —Tom Shillue. 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

she responded, “I Do.” (the carrying of the stretchers)

This weekend Spain hosted the annual Running of the Bulls, followed quickly by the driving of the ambulances and the carrying of the stretchers. —Tom Shillue

A Chinese woman in Las Vegas pled guilty to marrying at least 14 men at the same time. When asked if she knew what she did was wrong she responded, “I Do.” —Tom Shillue  

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He said he's looking for that special someone to spend the rest of his week with (I'm going to have to see his birth certificate)

A 96-year old man has reportedly hired a matchmaker and has gone on a number of dates. He said he's looking for that special someone to spend the rest of his week with. —Tom Shillue

At the G7 summit, President Trump complimented Indian Prime Minister Modi, calling him the most beautiful looking man. Many people think Trump was just buttering him up so he could ask, “Can you please fix my printer?” —Tom Shillue

And finally, a man who legally changed his name to Barack D. Obama announced he's running for California governor. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to see his birth certificate. —Tom Shillue 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She's in first place with a 37% blood alcohol level (if you bring a Subway token, they'll let you play first base)

According to a recent poll, Kamala Harris is now favored to become the Democratic Party's 2028 presidential nominee. She's in first place with a 37% blood alcohol level. —Tom Shillue

A 35-year-old Australian man died after the third fatal shark attack in the same area this month. To stay safe, officials are reminding people to always swim with a fat buddy. —Tom Shillue

And finally, a New York Knicks ticket for game three of the NBA Finals is going for $51,000. Meanwhile, the New York Mets say if you bring a Subway token, they'll let you play first base. —Tom Shillue 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How long does it take to conduct a sobriety test? (That's how the Sopranos ended)

So what was in the DNC Autopsy report? Well, it pretty much blamed Biden's allies for not supporting Kamala Harris enough before she took over and complains there wasn't enough research done to help her. Research? How long does it take to conduct a sobriety test? —Tom Shillue

There was nothing in the autopsy report about the Biden debate with Trump or Kamala not winning a primary. In other words, it's an autopsy without listing the cause of death. That's not an autopsy. That's how the Sopranos ended. —Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Why are you being so polite? (Now we'll never be able to screw that light bulb in)

Spencer Pratt revealed that if he's elected, he will turn the 19 room mayor's mansion into housing for single mothers. After hearing this, Bill Clinton volunteered to be in his cabinet. —Tom Shillue

Poland was alarmed by reports the Pentagon may cancel plans to deploy 4,000 troops there. A Polish spokesman said, "Now we'll never be able to screw that light bulb in.” —Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Baby's First Circular Saw (We need to talk)

Another sequel to The Godfather is in development, and it will feature a female driven narrative. The infamous horse head scene has been replaced by something even scarier. A note that says, "We need to talk.” —Tom Shillue

The US Consumer Productions Safety Commission announced the recall of 125,000 Cozy Land toddler tower stools. Also being recalled, Baby's First Circular Saw. —Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Our citizens should know the urgent facts (acts of heroism at the White House correspondents dinner)

So, we're hearing more about acts of heroism at the White House correspondents dinner and it's pretty inspirational stuff. Brian Stelter used his body to shield a crabcake. Chuck Schumer attempted to bore the gunman to death. Kamala Harris escorted the bartender to safety. Bill Clinton offered to pat down any suspicious interns. Mitch McConnell stayed hidden in his shell and Joe Biden played dead. —Tom Shillue

A California woman escaped being kidnapped by texting 911 from a gas station bathroom. People are calling her brave for using a gas station bathroom. —Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

So far, he's declared war on only six of the countries in Epcot Center (they had a layover in Atlanta)

Lindsey Graham was spotted vacationing at Disney World in Florida amid the government shutdown. So far, he's declared war on only six of the countries in Epcot Center. —Tom Shillue

NASA's Artemis II rocket just escaped Earth's gravitational pole and is on its way to the moon. Yeah, it would have made it there sooner, but they had a layover in Atlanta. —Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Their customers were embarrassed to be seen shoplifting there (their new $1,200 Frappuccino)

Target just issued a stricter, more standardized dress code for its employees. Their look had gotten so sloppy, customers were embarrassed to be seen shoplifting there. —Tom Shillue

Starbucks is offering their baristas a $1,200 bonus if they work faster and act friendlier. They plan to make up the shortfall with their new $1,200 Frappuccino. —Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It comes pre-crashed (the world's longest receipt)

Today is the first day of the New York Auto Show. It went well. Only 30 cars were stolen. They've even made a new Tiger Woods edition SUV. It comes pre-crashed. —Tom Shillue

CVS plans to open 60 new stores in 2026. It's all part of a bigger plan to create the world's longest receipt. —Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He says even if he's losing in the polls, he plans to hang tight (My list of friends)

A man named Jeffrey Epstein is running for mayor in a Massachusetts town and he refuses to change his name. He says even if he's losing in the polls, he plans to hang tight. —Tom Shillue

Critics were horrified that President Trump turned the rose garden into a patio. What a waste. All that concrete and no bodies buried under it, said Hillary Clinton. —Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She claims it's the last time she vacations in Wuhan (the best smelling thing in France)

 A woman wound up with a $21,000 medical bill after a bat flew into her mouth. She claims it's the last time she vacations in Wuhan. —Tom Shillue

Michael Jackson's dirty white sock that he once wore on stage has sold for $9,000 at a French auction and it’s still the best smelling thing in France. —Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

LeBron James for warming up shirtless (Their sense of humor)

New Jersey Senator Cy Booker hasn't ruled out a 2028 presidential run. You know that's what I love about Democrats. Their sense of humor. — Tom Shillue

NBA legend Isaiah Thomas is blasting LeBron James for warming up shirtless. FOX actually has the same complaint about Greg Gutfeld. — Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Congress did that already when it created Adam Schiff (she said it's high on the totem pole)

Disney's research division has developed an autonomous humanoid robot that can mimic human behavior. I hate to break it to you Disney, Congress did that already when it created Adam Schiff. — Tom Shillue 

Elizabeth Warren says that Congress has to take the tariff authority away from Trump. When asked if it's a priority she said it's high on the totem pole. — Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s why I love being single said Joe Biden (Luckily no one had to parallel park)

Today Blue Origins New Shepard rocket successfully completed its mission with an all female crew including Katy Perry, Lauren Sanchez and Gayle King. I think they took it literally when their husbands told them they needed space. But the crew and capsule returned safely via parachute. Luckily no one had to parallel park. — Tom Shillue

According to a new study marriage can actually increase your odds of getting dementia. That’s why I love being single said Joe Biden. — Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The agent has since been transferred to the Imperial Stormtroopers (Neither side is the answer)

According to a house report on Trump's attempted assassin Ryan Ruth, a secret service agent may have been only five feet away when he fired six times at Ruth and missed him every time. The agent has since been transferred to the Imperial Stormtroopers. —Tom Shillue     

New York city mayor Eric Adams met with incoming border czar Tom Holman to discuss the migrant crisis, pressures on infrastructure and challenges for law enforcement, barely leaving them enough time for a romantic Central Park carriage ride. —Tom Shillue 

This week Elizabeth Warren said that the murder of United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson was wrong but people can only be pushed so far, which is the same thing Jill Biden says when approaching a staircase with her husband. —Tom Shillue   

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”