“Aside from the million or so people at his funeral yesterday, everyone else agrees that Suleimani was a bad guy responsible for death and destruction around the world. But as bad as Suleimani was, not everyone agrees that killing him like this was a good idea, the same way things only got worse when America got rid of Saddam Hussein, or when America got rid of Muammar Gaddafi, or when America got rid of gluten – because I don’t know what it actually is, all I know is once it was gone, everything tasted like shit.” —Trevor Noah
“On Tuesday morning, it was reported that a top Iranian official revealed the country has drawn up 13 potential retaliation scenarios, also known as an Ayatollah’s dozen. Trump, meanwhile, had been tweeting threats against Iran since the Suleimani killing, including ones directed at Iranian cultural sites. He walked back those comments in a press conference Tuesday, saying he wouldn’t bomb cultural sites because ‘I like to obey the law.’ [As Trump] I like to obey the law, just ask Paul Manafort or Michael Cohen. If they ever get out of federal prison, they will vouch for me.” —Stephen Colbert
“Iran is promising to launch a retaliatory missile strike against US troops in Iraq. Our prayers are with the troops and our allies, but this is when it becomes particularly preposterous that our president is Donald Trump. We might be at war, and this guy – you know what he’s busy with? He’s bragging, Trump did and interview this week on Rush Limbaugh’s radio show in which he claimed to have wiped out Isis (false) and been the number one on Facebook (also false). All he cares about is being number one. Our country is being run by the human equivalent of one of those giant foam fingers you see at college football games.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
