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Showing posts with label wage stealers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wage stealers. Show all posts

Sunday, October 11, 2026

her condition has just been upgraded (the unemployment rate for attractive blondes)


Fun fact, since Fox came into being, the unemployment rate for attractive blondes has dropped to zero. —Greg Gutfeld 

After prison officials botched execution attempts, convicted murderer Christa Pike is now conscious and talking. Doctors say her condition has just been upgraded from brain dead to Jasmine Crockett. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Wednesday, September 9, 2026

it comes preloaded with viruses (the Bay of tech support)


So, Hunter Biden announced that he's launching his own crypto token and it's called laptop and like Hunter it comes preloaded with viruses. --Greg Gutfeld 


An amateur gardener has grown a half-ton pumpkin that's still growing 40 pounds a day. And get this, it just became the newest cast member of  The View. --Greg Gutfeld


President Trump is considering renaming the Strait of Hormuz after himself. And word is he's also renaming the Indian Ocean the Bay of tech support. --Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Saturday, August 22, 2026

What stage of capitalism is this? (Fairly simple thing that happens to work)



I'd like to talk about a few things that bring us together. Okay, things that emphasize our similarities instead of our differences, which is all you ever hear about in this country are differences. Politicians and the media are always pushing the things that separate us, things that make us different. That's the way the ruling class operates in any society. They divide the rest of the people, they keep the lower and the middle classes fighting with each other so that the rich can run off with all the fucking money. Fairly simple thing that happens to work. --George Carlin

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Sunday, August 16, 2026

The Taming of the Shroom (Police are describing the suspect as his mother)


In Virginia someone broke into a man’s apartment, cleaned it, and took nothing. Completely cleaned the place. Police are describing the suspect as his mother. –Conan O’Brien


Artifacts found in William Shakespeare's home suggest he may have been a marijuana user. Apparently he was doing a couple of drugs because he also had a rough draft of "The Taming of the Shroom." –Conan O’Brien


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Saturday, August 8, 2026

What about the cheerleaders? (23%)


New York City will pay hotels almost $2 billion to house the homeless, which means tourists are now eligible for free rooms as long as they poop in the streets. —Greg Gutfeld 


Finally, Jerry Jones says he's open to sell the Dallas Cowboys. What about the cheerleaders, asked Bill Clinton? —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Friday, July 3, 2026

Americans will use anything but the metric system (whether you're a billionaire or just a millionaire)


This week, Donald Trump is going to North Carolina, Iowa, and Michigan — all states that voted for him — for his “Thank You” tour. Then, he comes here to California for the “You’re Dead to Me” tour. –Conan O’Brien


In a speech today President Bush said that his economic plan would help Americans from all walks of life. Bush said, “My plan will help you whether you're a billionaire or just a millionaire.” --Conan O’Brien 6/23/2005


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Thursday, June 25, 2026

Things I Have in Common with Conan O'Brien (I'll be there in five teachers)


Donald Trump is holding his first-ever campaign fundraiser but says he’s only doing it because the Republican Party asked him to. Yeah. Trump thought he should do this for the Republican Party, since he turned down their first request: Don’t be our candidate. –Conan O’Brien


"Bristol Palin's new book says she lost her virginity on a night when she had too many wine coolers. It's in the chapter “Things I Have in Common with Conan O'Brien.'" –Conan O'Brien


"A new website just came out that’s designed to calculate how long it takes Mitt Romney to earn your salary. So from now on, whenever Mitt Romney is running late, he can call there and say, 'I'll be there in five teachers.'" –Conan O'Brien


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Sunday, April 12, 2026

they cite the case of Johnson versus enormous Johnson (That's why I spend so much time with my hose)


Lawyers for Sean Diddy Combs claim his freakoff orgies were just amateur porn protected by the first amendment and they cite the case of Johnson versus enormous Johnson. —Greg Gutfeld


A 95-year-old woman from South London has broken five age group world records for swimming. And they plan to give her a medal if she ever comes back. —Greg Gutfeld


And finally, a new study shows that gardening is good for your brain. That's why I spend so much time with my hose, said Bill Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Friday, April 10, 2026

62 people own half of the world’s wealth (Question. Disobey. Dismantle.)


It was reported today that 62 people own half of the world’s wealth. The other half bet on the Green Bay Packers. –Conan O’Brien


Donald Trump is polling so badly with women that at a rally last night, he had his wife, Melania, introduce him. Because if there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to get American women on your side, it’s a foreign model who’s married to a billionaire and never has to work. –Conan O’Brien


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Friday, April 3, 2026

she kept penalizing players for things they did four games ago (reverse distributed)

A female former NFL ref is suing the league for being fired because of her gender. However, many complain she kept penalizing players for things they did four games ago. —Greg Gutfeld


Wednesday was National Walking Day, but celebrations were sparse given the high likelihood of being run down by Tiger Woods. —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Monday, January 26, 2026

How could you forget your marijuana? (There’s plenty of trash in the sea)


Three people were arrested and charged in New Jersey today after leaving behind a pound of marijuana in their hotel room. How could you forget your marijuana? Oh. Right. –Seth Meyers

According to a new report, by 2050, the world’s oceans will contain more plastic trash than fish. So the next time you get dumped, remember: There’s plenty of trash in the sea. –Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


Thursday, January 15, 2026

This system isn't meant for us (marijuana was just legalized here in California so, you know)


Archaeologists in South Africa have discovered what they say is the world's oldest drawing. Experts think the crude, simple drawing on a rock was created more than 70,000 years ago. And probably during the world's first extremely boring work meeting. While a bunch of starving cavemen were off fighting a saber-toothed tiger, one guy was like, "Hey is it cool if I take a personal day to hang back and work on my art?" The rock features the world's oldest known drawing found on a stone. This is historic, because it's the first time that "rock," "oldest" and "stone" have been used in the same sentence without mentioning Mick Jagger. --James Corden


This is our first show of the New Year after the holidays. We’re very happy to be back. We actually would have come back last week but marijuana was just legalized here in California so, you know. --James Corden


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Saturday, January 10, 2026

That’s an insult to every law enforcement officer everywhere (dropping her six-year-old off at school)

“Terrible things happen every day. Sad things happen, tragedies, cruelty, injustice, et cetera. And in most situations, it’s just a bad part of life. But what do you do when something terrible happens and a big group of people, including those who are running our country, tells you it didn’t? They tell you you’re not seeing what you clearly see. Are you supposed to just accept it and move on, go about your day? What do you do?”


“It’s important for us to know what happened, and what is happening, because if we don’t, it’s definitely going to happen again. There used to be a baseline of decency. The full force of the White House and the commentators who have decided that their job is to support anything and everything their leader says or does, are trying to convince us that a mom who just dropped her six-year-old off at school was part of a leftwing terror effort.”


“This woman, this unarmed mama – a devout Christian, by the way – who had no criminal record, driving a Honda Pilot trying to get away from armed men in masks in the snow, masked men who are screaming at her. We’re to believe this woman was a terrorist committing a terrorist act? And the fact that ICE shot through her windshield three times, that was her fault?”


According to Kristi Noem, the ICE officer was “following his training”. “How stupid do you think we are? That is not just an insult to Renee Good. That’s an insult to every law enforcement officer everywhere. They’re not trained to do that. Again, I encourage you to watch the video for yourself.”


“And by the way, I know it isn’t easy to work in law enforcement. I get that people make mistakes in the heat of a situation, but don’t try to tell me that went by the book. Apologize, investigate, let justice be served. I find it hard to believe that even people who love Donald Trump would go along with this, but I guess they do.” —Jimmy Kimmel


 

Sunday, December 28, 2025

In a related story, Pope Francis is missing (Giggling Eagle)


Pope Francis is calling for an audit of all the Catholic Church’s wealth. In a related story, Pope Francis is missing. –Conan O’Brien


"The Justice Department ruled that Native American tribes are allowed to grow and sell marijuana on reservations. This decision was hailed as a victory by Native American leader Giggling Eagle." –Conan O'Brien


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Wednesday, November 26, 2025

How dare you embarrass a man who had a columnist sawed into pieces? (Doing their best to make sure it doesn’t happen again)


“How dare you embarrass a man who had a columnist sawed into pieces?” — Jimmy Kimmel on President Trump’s angry reaction to a reporter who asked his guest, Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia, about U.S. intelligence agencies’ conclusion that he ordered the murder of a journalist

“The crown prince did address the murder. He said, ‘We’ve improved our system to be sure that nothing happened like that. It’s painful and it’s a huge mistake and we’re doing our best that this doesn’t happen again.’ Doing their best to make sure it doesn’t happen again. This is not what you say about a murder. This is what the manager of Jersey Mike’s says when they accidentally put pepperoni on your tuna sandwich.” — Jimmy Kimmel


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Saturday, October 25, 2025

Wow, that must mean large amounts are good for you (because she was always in the way)


A new study shows that consuming small amounts of alcohol were linked to dementia. “Wow, that must mean large amounts are good for you," said Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

A new report says Joe Biden's Secret Service had an obese female agent who failed fitness tests and moonlighted as a plus-size model. But staffers say she was the best at protecting Joe from a bullet because she was always in the way. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Sunday, October 19, 2025

You never put that stuff in writing (Limo was the name of her waxer)

According to FEC filings, Rashida Tlaib spent $35,000 on limo services. Turns out Limo was the name of her waxer. —Greg Gutfeld

Democrat Virginia AG candidate Jay Jones says he's deeply sorry about the text he sent wishing murder on his opponent. But Hillary Clinton told him that was just a rookie mistake. You never put that stuff in writing. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Monday, September 29, 2025

And for an extra $50, for non-medical procedures (the robot was just supposed to vacuum the living room)


I'm a big fan of scientific advances in the field of medicine. Scientists announced they just developed a robotic caterpillar that can crawl inside you for medical procedures. And for an extra $50, for non-medical procedures. --Conan O’Brien


In China, for the first time ever, a robot performed dental surgery without human assistance. Everyone was excited until they remembered that the robot was just supposed to vacuum the living room. –Conan O’Brien


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Saturday, September 27, 2025

it's usually at 3:00 a.m. after she fails a breathalyzer (this is what corporate welfare look like)


This week when asked about her relationship with Joe Biden, Kamala Harris claims they're on good terms. In fact, she still places flowers on him every Sunday. —Greg Gutfeld


In her new book, Kamala Harris said Gavin Newsom avoided her call after Biden dropped out of the race. To be fair, when she calls, it's usually at 3:00 a.m. after she fails a breathalyzer. —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Wednesday, September 24, 2025

the 100-meter wander off (filled with too much air)


Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says he thinks it would be great if Donald Trump was president. Which is really weird because I thought Brady didn't like things that are filled with too much air. –Conan O’Brien


In San Diego, a 100-year-old man set five world records at a track meet. He set a record in the 50-meter dash, the 800-meter run and the 100-meter wander off. –Conan O’Brien


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”