Four out of five citizens love democracy! (that was the only thing he was soft on)

"The Hungarian government put together an internet voting thing to let their citizens vote on who a new bridge that will span the Danube River will be named after and so far the frontrunner is Chuck Norris. So either the Hungarians have a very good sense of humor or very bad taste. It's not a bad strategy though, because if war ever breaks out with Hungary what red-blooded American pilot is going to bomb the Chuck Norris bridge? Not one who's seen 'Missing In Action 2,' I'll tell you that." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Former officials from the Clinton administration are upset at our network, ABC, because of the miniseries 'The Path to 9/11. They say the movie paints Clinton as soft on terrorism. Which by the way, if he was soft on terrorism, that was the only thing he was soft on." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He didn’t even put his name on the check he sent Stormy Daniels (you’d think he’d just done a sit-up)

“Why on earth would Trump’s name be on the stimulus checks? They’re not from him. It’s not his money. He didn’t even put his name on the check he sent Stormy Daniels.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“During the coronavirus briefing Trump was almost foaming at the mouth. He was huffing and puffing so much, you’d think he’d just done a sit-up.” —Jimmy Kimmel

"Trump is doing well in the polls. He's in second place among Republican voters. Among Tea Partiers, he's in first place. Although to be fair, in the Tea Party poll, Chuck Norris is in second place and third place is an AK-47." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He had to retract a claim that he had been under cannon fire from the Confederates (action star endorsements)

"Do you think this is a big deal? See, all candidates exaggerate. Remember when John McCain ran in 2000? Remember that? He had to retract a claim that he had been under cannon fire from the Confederates." --Jay Leno

"It's just getting worse for him. In the New York Post today, a former madam said that Eliot Spitzer would pay to watch other couples have sex. He would pay to watch other couples have sex. Well, that's something we don't have to worry about the new governor doing. We will finally be safe there." --Jay Leno

"Have you noticed all these action stars are now endorsing candidates? Like Mike Huckabee has Chuck Norris; Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger came out for John McCain; and today, Hillary Clinton picked up Janet Reno." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean if anybody should be getting minimum wage, it's Congress (Well, how come I still can't find it?)

 

"Congress gave itself a big raise this week and voted against the minimum wage, which is kind of ironic. I mean if anybody should be getting minimum wage, it's Congress." --Jay Leno

Mike Huckabee's campaign is starting to taper off a little bit. Like for the big rallies, Chuck Norris just sends his stunt double." --Jay Leno

 

"And the Pentagon is now planning to shoot down a broken satellite that's falling to Earth. The satellite is the size of a school bus, and they want to blow it up before it hits us. Yeah. In fact the actual plan, they're going to have Roger Clemens throw a second school bus at it." --Jay Leno

"Well, a lot of people are saying Governor Sarah Palin really put Alaska on the map. To which President Bush said, 'Really? Well, how come I still can't find it?'" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He didn’t even put his name on the check he sent Stormy Daniels (How 'Bout some help here?)

"Donald Trump is doing well in the polls. He's in second place among Republican voters. Among Tea Partiers, he's in first place. Although to be fair, in the Tea Party poll, Chuck Norris is in second place and third place is an AK-47." –Jimmy Kimmel

“Why on earth would Trump’s name be on the stimulus checks? They’re not from him. It’s not his money. He didn’t even put his name on the check he sent Stormy Daniels.” — Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump had a bit of a stumble yesterday. He was giving a speech in Buffalo and accidentally referred to the devastating terrorist attacks of 7/11 instead of 9/11. Of course, who can forget that fateful day when the Coke-flavored Slurpee machine broke and we were forced to settle for that blue raspberry stuff. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It will lead 'to a thousand years of darkness.' (You Got This)

September 2012

"If you're a donor to President Obama's campaign, you were promised exclusive access to Joe Biden – and for an extra $10,000 absolutely no access to Joe Biden." –Conan O'Brien

"The Republicans are really going after Obama. They asked, 'Are you better off now than you were four years ago?' Americans said 'No, we're worse off because we never heard of Honey Boo Boo.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Chuck Norris said that if President Obama is re-elected it will lead 'to a thousand years of darkness.' Then he said if Mitt Romney wins, it will lead to four years of extreme whiteness." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

My biggest fear about becoming a Zombie (He puts the 'hippo' in 'Hypocrite.')

January 2012

"Newt Gingrich was cheating on his second wife while he was prosecuting Bill Clinton for the Monica Lewinsky thing. In other words, Newt puts the 'hippo' in 'Hypocrite.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Gingrich is lining up impressive endorsements. Todd Palin, Gary Busey, and now, Chuck Norris. I'll tell you, his endorsements could beat up Mitt Romney's endorsements." –Jimmy Kimmel

"During a debate, Mitt Romney said he grew up in the real streets of America. Yes, the real streets, where people pull up next to you and ask if you have any Grey Poupon." –Jimmy Kimmel 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Top Ten Ways Barack Obama Can Win Over The Republicans (a really cool mix CD)

Jon Stewart on John Boehner accusing President Obama of the largest spending binge in American history: "Which came on the heels of an almost absurdly reckless decade, unfunded wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, an unfunded trillion dollar Medicare prescription bill, and tax cuts for the wealthy that are the largest single policy contributor to our deficit; in fact, I myself voted for all of these…ahem, back to my original point!"

David Letterman's "Top Ten Ways Barack Obama Can Win Over The Republicans"

10. Show up to next meeting in a Captain America uniform
9. Burn everyone a really cool mix CD
8. Bribe them with free tickets to a 'Larry the Cable Guy' show
7. Raise the debt ceiling, but do it with a fun sound effect
6. Do something about the heat
5. Swap places with another guy named Barack Obama — hey, don't miss the new reality show 'Same Name' Sundays at 9:00 p.m. on CBS!
4. Put Chuck Norris on the nickel
3. Like I'm the right guy to ask for advice on winning people over
2. Don't be such a poor sport when they call him a socialist, foreign-born, radical Muslim who's trying to destroy America
1. Kill bin Laden again 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

he has the #1 show on NBC (Chuck Norris is in second place)

from April 2011

"Donald Trump said he can’t run for president because he has the #1 show on NBC. Which is kind of like having the nicest house in Haiti." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If Donald Trump wins, my guess is America will look a lot like it did in 'Back to the Future 2,' when Biff was in charge." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Trump is doing well in the polls. He's in second place among Republican voters. Among Tea Partiers, he's in first place. Although to be fair, in the Tea Party poll, Chuck Norris is in second place and third place is an AK-47." –Jimmy Kimmel 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

in the Tea Party poll, Chuck Norris is in second place and third place is an AK-47 (my new Apprentice)

"Donald Trump said he can't make a final decision about whether he will run for president or not until this season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is over. Which is maybe the best excuse from a guy who might run for the presidency ever — I am unable to decide on whether or not I will run for President until I decide whether Latoya Jackson or Jose Canseco will be my new Apprentice." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Maybe he should ease into this — by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Trump said he can’t run because he has the #1 show on NBC. Which is kind of like having the nicest house in Haiti." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If Donald Trump wins, my guess is America will look a lot like it did in 'Back to the Future 2,' when Biff was in charge." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Trump is doing well in the polls. He's in second place among Republican voters. Among Tea Partiers, he's in first place. Although to be fair, in the Tea Party poll, Chuck Norris is in second place and third place is an AK-47." –Jimmy Kimmel 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hillary will be signed by the L.A. Clippers (Chuck Norris stunt double)

"Hillary lost 10 in a row. That's not good. If she loses one more, she will be signed by the L.A. Clippers." --Jay Leno

"Mike Huckabee's campaign is starting to taper off a little bit. Like for the big rallies, Chuck Norris just sends his stunt double." --Jay Leno

"On this week on ABC, John McCain said, no new taxes. You know who else said no new taxes? Wesley Snipes." --Jay Leno

"Over in Africa, President Bush is being welcomed as a hero in Tanzania. See, that's because President Bush always said one day third world countries would have the same economy as the United States and thanks to his economic plan, now they do." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: the only person with a growth package in this country that works (Barry Bonds)

"Have you noticed all these action stars are now endorsing candidates? Like Mike Huckabee has Chuck Norris; Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger came out for John McCain; and today, Hillary Clinton picked up Janet Reno." --Jay Leno

 "Both the Republicans and the Democrats have competing growth packages. Let me tell you something, the only person with a growth package in this country that works -- Barry Bonds." --Jay Leno

 "Happy Groundhog Day, ladies and gentlemen! It's funny. Earlier today, down in Washington, DC, a confused President Bush pardoned a turkey." --David Letterman

I've never had a chance to check the show out myself. Because frankly, I don't own a radio.

"I am just going to spill my guts here for a second. Ladies and gentlemen, last night on my show, you know, I came out, jumped around like a chimp like I normally do, and then I said something on my show regarding the presidential campaign of Mike Huckabee [on screen: past clip of O'Brien explaining that because he made Chuck Norris popular again, Mike Huckabee became popular]. It's just simple, simple logic. 

Now I've made this claim for the last several weeks, and it's been overwhelmingly accepted by the media and by political pundits across the country. 'Conan Made Huckabee' is now even a popular bumper sticker outselling 'No Fat Chicks' by 3 to 1. So, you know, I've been in a good mood lately. I'm a kingmaker. I'm changing the course of history. This morning, I come to work, my entire staff is buzzing about some comments made by Stephen Colbert. Now, I've always heard very nice things about his show and about him. I've never had a chance to check the show out myself. Because frankly, I don't own a radio. But the word on the street is that he's a very good man. 

Okay? So imagine my shock and surprise when Colbert spoke directly to me on his show last night and said the following [on screen: Colbert saying, 'Let's make this straight, Conan O'Brien. I made Mike Huckabee. I made him in my own image and surely as I fashioned him from dust and breathed life into his nostrils']. What the hell is he talking about? He made Huckabee? Who does this guy think he is? Now, I don't want to get into the gutter here, but my good name has been besmirched and I need to to unsmirch it." --Conan O'Brien 

Our state bird, I don't know if you know this, is Chuck Norris (Xena: Warrior Princess)

Our state fabric is denim. Our state bird, I don't know if you know this, is Chuck Norris. So he will never be endangered because he cannot be killed. Denim is now the state fabric of California. Cotton is still the fabric of our lives. –Jimmy Kimmel

The big story is Donald Trump might not have paid any income tax since Xena: Warrior Princess went on the air. –Jimmy Kimmel

The New York Times got its hands on a tax document from 1995, which shows Trump declared a $916 million loss that year which would have allowed him to avoid paying any income tax for 18 years. The documents were sent to the Times from inside Trump Tower. The Trump campaign said the Times illegally obtained the documents and we all know how much Donald Trump hates hacking. So that's no good. –Jimmy Kimmel

it does seem like it makes you more talented (he was doing it on Fox News for free)

"But when you look at the list of liberals who are active in politics, if not running. Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, Springsteen, Spielberg. And then you look at the conservatives, it's like Chuck Norris, Bo Derek and the Gatlin Brothers. I don't know if being liberal makes you more right, but it does seem like it makes you more talented." --Bill Maher

"President Bush says he wants to find alternative sources of energy. He says they're looking towards solar power. In fact, he and Rumsfeld are planning an invasion of the sun." --Jay Leno

"President Bush introduced former Fox broadcaster Tony Snow as the new White House Press Secretary. See, this is the perfect example of wasteful government spending. I mean, why is the president paying someone to join his staff and tow the party line when he was doing it on Fox News for free?" --Jay Leno

Or everyone else runs out of people (Chuck Norris bridge)

"The Hungarian government put together an internet voting thing to let their citizens vote on who a new bridge that will span the Danube River will be named after and so far the frontrunner is Chuck Norris. So either the Hungarians have a very good sense of humor or very bad taste. It's not a bad strategy though, because if war ever breaks out with Hungary what red-blooded American pilot is going to bomb the Chuck Norris bridge? Not one who's seen 'Missing In Action 2,' I'll tell you that." --Jimmy Kimmel

"On Friday, President Bush held a press conference with British Prime Minister Tony Blair and then he met with the 'American Idol,' Taylor Hicks. Those are our two last remaining allies apparently." --Jay Leno

"Lebanon. Our president, President Bush, has rejected calls for an immediate cease-fire on the grounds that he'd prefer a 'sustainable cease-fire.' It makes sense. He doesn't want the killing to stop until he's sure it will stop. So, there will be more killing until the president's convinced that there will be no more killing. Or everyone else runs out of people." --Jon Stewart

 

Outside it's like 82 and cloudy — like Clint Eastwood

"Much like the Republicans, the Democrats are also going to have a mystery speaker. I believe it's Mitt Romney's dog." –Jay Leno 

"That had to be rough for Ron Paul. You run for president, you win a bunch of delegates, and not only is he not allowed to speak but he couldn’t even sit down because they gave his chair to Clint Eastwood." –Jay Leno 



"Chuck Norris said that if President Obama is re-elected it will lead 'to a thousand years of darkness.' Then he said if Mitt Romney wins, it will lead to four years of extreme whiteness." –Conan O'Brien



"Outside it's like 82 and cloudy — like Clint Eastwood." –David Letterman 

John Hulse painting

Do you have any Grey Poupon? (real streets of America)

"Newt Gingrich was cheating on his second wife while he was prosecuting Bill Clinton for the Monica Lewinsky thing. In other words, Newt puts the 'hippo' in 'Hypocrite.'" –Jimmy Kimmel



"Gingrich is lining up impressive endorsements. Todd Palin, Gary Busey, and now, Chuck Norris. I'll tell you, his endorsements could beat up Mitt Romney's endorsements." –Jimmy Kimmel



"During a debate, Mitt Romney said he grew up in the real streets of America. Yes, the real streets, where people pull up next to you and ask if you have any Grey Poupon." –Jimmy Kimmel 



    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Chuck Norris is in second place and third place is an AK-47

"Maybe he should ease into this — by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If Donald Trump wins, my guess is America will look a lot like it did in 'Back to the Future 2,' when Biff was in charge." –Jimmy Kimmel



"Trump is doing well in the polls. He's in second place among Republican voters. Among Tea Partiers, he's in first place. Although to be fair, in the Tea Party poll, Chuck Norris is in second place and third place is an AK-47." –Jimmy Kimmel