He spent all day giving himself a massage (Sopranos On Dragons)

The race for 2020 is already under way, and a new poll found that Bernie Sanders is now leading Joe Biden 29% to 24%. You can tell Biden's stressed. He spent all day giving himself a massage. --Jimmy Fallon

I heard that the children's show "Peppa Pig" is so popular that little kids are starting to speak with British accents. When their parents said, "Maybe it's time to watch something else," they were like -- [British accent] "Not bloody likely! Not bloody likely at all!" --Jimmy Fallon

There was a big breakthrough in the world of science. Researchers recently created the world’s first human heart using a 3D printer. The heart is made from human cells and “patient-specific biological materials.” which I believe is also the main ingredient in hot dogs. --James Corden

There are only a few more episodes left of Game of Thrones before the show ends. And HBO is trying to find ways of keeping viewers happy when the show leaves the air. I have a suggestion for HBO. Sopranos On Dragons. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

we’re officially up to season three of “The Sopranos” right now (climate schlimate)

It’s come out that several of Donald Trump’s businesses have ties to the Russian mafia. So, if you’re keeping track, we’re officially up to season three of “The Sopranos” right now. –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday, the House of Representatives voted to get rid of internet privacy rules. Members cast their vote, then immediately ran home to delete their browser histories. –Conan O’Brien

A new study reports that older women are doing more and more binge drinking. I asked my mom if that was true and she said, “I love you, man.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

It's like everyone is Dick Cheney now (Sopranos?)

"Earlier today at the White House, President Bush met with Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. There was an awkward moment when Bush asked 'How long until the new season of The Sopranos?'" --Conan O'Brien

"Looks like some kind of civil war brewing in Iraq. Well, who could have seen that coming? That came out of left field, huh? They say it is total chaos over there. People are roaming the streets with guns. It's like everyone is Dick Cheney now." --Jay Leno

"On Wednesday President Bush will fly to India. See, last week he met with American workers. This week he will go to India and visit their old jobs."  --Jay Leno

Despot, madman, husband, father? He will be, uh, buried (Abu Ghraib)

"Did you folks see 'The Sopranos' last night? Fans had to wait two years, two years for a new episode. Apparently the show's now being produced by FEMA." --David Letterman

"Sen. Russ Feingold, who I believe is running for president, said over the weekend he's pushing the Senate to censure the president over spying. Bush, he isn't worried about it, he knew it was coming. He'd been listening to Feingold's conversations for the last three months." --Jay Leno

"The United States is closing Abu Ghraib prison. This'll probably put the one-hour photo shop across the street out of business." --Jay Leno

"On Saturday at the Hague, Slobodan Milosevic died. Despot, madman, husband, father? He will be, uh, buried." --Jon Stewart

"Do you think it's too soon to be hitting on Mrs. Milosevic?" --David Letterman

I'd hate to see anything take away our standing as the Great Satan (moral lines)

"Bush's former domestic policy advisor Claude Allen, he's now charged with defrauding department stores. And when Bush heard about this he was stunned, he was shocked. He had no idea he had a domestic policy adviser." --David Letterman

"An analyst now says that killing Bush’s port deal has hurt our standing in the Muslim world. Oh my god, I'd hate to see anything take away our standing as the Great Satan." --Jay Leno

"The Sopranos are a lot like the Bush administration. There are wiretaps, people going to jail, and the second in command accidentally shoots his best friend." --Jay Leno

Snap! Censure! A moral condemnation of the president so severe it's only happened once before

"Snap! Censure! A moral condemnation of the president so severe it's only happened once before to President Andrew Jackson, who was never heard from again. Oh, wait [picture of the $20 bill]." --Jon Stewart, on Sen. Russ Feingold's motion to censure President Bush 

"First Lady Laura Bush said she started exercising when she married President Bush because it was already part of his lifestyle. Isn't that nice? Yeah, that also explains why she stopped reading." --Conan O'Brien

"People in Utah are very upset with HBO because of the show that follows "The Sopranos" called "Big Love." It's about a man in Utah who has three families and seven kids with three different wives. Didn't that used to be called the NBA?" --Jay Leno

Hey, I’m an international disgrace (and neither does my lover, Barry)

A study just came out that said men who grow up with older brothers are more likely to be gay. I must say, as someone with two older brothers, I don’t think that’s true and neither does my lover, Barry. –Conan O’Brien

In newly leaked emails, former Secretary of State Colin Powell calls Hillary Clinton “greedy,” and Donald Trump “a disgrace,” and Dick Cheney an “idiot.” In response, Americans everywhere said, “Hey, three for three.” –Conan O’Brien

In the leaked emails from Colin Powell, he calls Donald Trump “a national disgrace.” Trump was furious and said, “Hey, I’m an international disgrace.” –Conan O’Brien