"This
is exciting news. Southern Methodist University announced that they will be the
home of George W.
Bush's presidential library. This will be the first presidential
library to be made up entirely of small, shiny objects. In fact, I understand
right now, they're building a shelf for the book." --Jay Leno
"Now,
as you probably know, President
Bush's wife, Laura, was a librarian when they met. Did you know
that? In fact, she's the only thing he ever checked out of a library."
--Jay Leno
"This
just in, ladies and gentlemen, Barack Obama says he has a
plan for getting us out of the Academy Awards. The show was very long. And
I always think it takes a lot of nerve for a show that's four and a half hours
to give an award for editing. I mean, the thing was so long and so dull, I
thought I was hosting." --David Letterman
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