Saturday, July 28, 2018

Well, that's the last time I go spear fishing with Dick Cheney (Hi, I'm not George Bush)

"Now here's a story. A guy in Brazil goes spear fishing, and he accidentally gets shot in his own head with the spear. Well, they operate on the guy. He's unconscious. They pull the spear out and he's going to be fine. And you know the first thing he said when he came to was, 'Well, that's the last time I go spear fishing with Dick Cheney.'" --David Letterman

"Barack Obama is taking his first overseas trip as president tomorrow. He is headed to the G20 economic summit. And he's been rehearsing his opening line to foreign leaders. 'Hi, I'm not George Bush. Hi, I'm not George Bush.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"Fox News launched a new editorial website today that is based solely on reporters' opinions, not on the facts of the stories themselves. They're calling the site Fox News." --Jimmy Fallon “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

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