13 Penn State fraternity brothers were busted in a cocaine trafficking ring. Authorities got suspicious when they started making it to morning classes. —Kat Timpf
There are signs everywhere that summer is winding down. For instance, Times Square has changed its scent to Pumpkin Spice urine. —Tom Shillue
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
The commissioner of the WNBA said the league is having a meeting to review what a woman is. So far, they've disqualified anyone who can back out of the driveway without running into the mailbox. —Greg Gutfeld
A team of divers recently discovered a 162 year old bottle of beer that experts claimed could be drinkable. Even more remarkable, they also discovered a box of wine that lasted 20 minutes in Kamala Harris's fridge. —Greg Gutfeld
A Long Island stripper is suing a doctor who slapped her with a restraining order after she told his wife about their affair. Wow. It's been a rough month for Dr. Fauci. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Today was National Hotdog Day and to celebrate, Donald Trump spent a few hours on the rollers at 7-Eleven to work on his color. –Conan O’Brien
"But General Motors announced that they are out of bankruptcy after selling nearly 10,000 Camaros. At a press conference, the head of GM said, 'Thank goodness for coke dealers.'" --Conan O'Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Bernie Sanders won last night's Oregon Democratic primary and this was a surprise. Hillary came in third — behind a bag of weed. –Seth Meyers
Police in Philadelphia are investigating after a 5-year-old boy walked into his preschool class holding about two dozen vials of crack cocaine. In the kid's defense, he did bring enough for everyone. --Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Two Papa John’s employees in Washington State were arrested this week for allegedly delivering cocaine in pizza boxes. Authorities became suspicious when Papa John’s started getting five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long. –Seth Meyers
A Virginia man recently found an outline of what looks like Donald Trump in one of his bathroom tiles. Of course, at one point or another we've all found something in our bathroom that looks like Donald Trump. –Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Architecture critics are complaining that the new Obama presidential library has no windows. They say it makes it impossible to jump. —Greg Gutfeld
Earlier this week, Hunter Biden said that the cocaine found at the White House in 2023 was definitely not his. And he added, "If I'm lying, may God strike me with a giant bag of cocaine.” —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
“The news has once again gotten dumber and more exhausting. Just another day living in Donald Trump’s snow globe, where the snow is cocaine and it never stops shaking.” —Seth Meyers
“America’s been through a lot over the years, but the one thing we’ve mercifully never had to deal with was a president who had a boner for winning awards. You’re the president of the United States – that should be reward enough! This guy gets elected, and his next thought is ‘better make room in the trophy case.’” —Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
This week President Trump met with North Korean dictator, and let’s face it, one of his top five closest friends, Kim Jong Un. Talks broke down when the two leaders could not agree on sanctions. Another problem was Kim Jong Un used an interpreter while Trump just spoke English, but louder. --Colin Jost, SNL
And in non-Oscar news, Madison Cawthorn said in a recent interview that 70 year-old republicans invited him to an orgy and did cocaine in front of him. Wait. So you went to the old man orgy? And you thought the weird part was drugs? —Colin Jost
A new study suggests the average man exaggerates the length of their penis by more than 20%. But aren’t you supposed to add 20% for tips. —Colin Jost
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Even for President Trump, it was a busy night on social media: He made 160 posts (and reposts) on his Truth Social platform, according to news reports. The man who’s allegedly running the country banged out an onslaught of posts and reposts in a furious social media blitzkrieg that started at 7:09 p.m., went on nonstop until almost midnight. Do you know how long you have to be on the toilet to post that much? I mean, what is he eating? — Jimmy Kimmel
“One hundred and sixty posts in one night. This morning, Trump’s thumbs were as swollen as his ankles.” — Jimmy Fallon
“Well, I think we know where Venezuela’s cocaine has been going.” — Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Donald Trump Jr. released a series of emails showing he actively tried to collaborate with the Russians before the election. When he heard this, Donald Trump said, "Good luck trying to connect me to Donald Trump Jr." –Conan O’Brien
A flight attendant has pled guilty to smuggling 60 pounds of cocaine in her carry-on bag. People got suspicious when her safety lecture went on for four hours. –Conan O’Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
“Wednesday’s vice-presidential debate bore the marks of a pandemic now tearing through the White House, with two plexiglass barriers separating the candidates on stage. But once you got past the whole plague thing, the debate itself was actually pretty normal. It was kind of like a throwback to what campaigns used to be like, before Donald Trump arrived on the scene and turned every political event into a monster truck rally on cocaine.” —Trevor Noah
“For those keeping score, Trump paid $750 in taxes and $130,000 to a porn star, which means if the I.R.S. wants to get money from Trump, you guys know what you got to do.” —Trevor Noah
“While Kamala Harris avoided answering a question about expanding the supreme court, Pence dodged questions all evening like they were a PG-13 movie. To be fair, defending Donald Trump is like trying to sell a house that is currently on fire.” —Trevor Noah
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
In fiscal year 2025, the Coast Guard seized half a million pounds of cocaine. In related news, Larry Kudlow’s beach bash has been cancelled. —Greg Gutfeld
On Sunday, Bill Clinton attended the New York City Marathon to cheer his daughter, Chelsea. Bill supported the female runners by chasing them for the last four miles. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
The other day at LAX, a flight attendant was caught smuggling cocaine. People became suspicious when she gave passengers a six-hour safety briefing. –Conan O’Brien
In China, people are selling their kidney to buy an iPhone 6. What's going to happen when the iPhone 7 comes out? –Conan O’Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
The publisher of Hillary Clinton’s upcoming memoir announced today that the title of her book will be the statement “What Happened.” Well, that’s the censored version. –Seth Meyers
Snoop Dogg was arrested and released in Sweden this weekend on suspicion of using illegal drugs. Officials first became suspicious in 1991. --Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
So illegal aliens detained at Alligator Alcatraz are mad because their ham sandwiches aren't toasted. Meanwhile, the alligators are complaining that the detainees aren’t toasted either. —Greg Gutfeld
In that now infamous interview making the rounds, Hunter Biden said that illegal immigrants do all the jobs that nobody wants to. For example, harvesting, processing, and selling him cocaine. Hunter also said he thinks of Kamala Harris as family, promising that if she ever passed away, he would immediately bang her husband Doug. But he also says that he loves Kamala like his own daughter, which of course is a stretch because he's met Kamala. —Greg Gutfeld
The president's son also admitted that while he was using, he was drinking a half gallon of vodka a day or as Kamala Harris calls it, cutting back. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"General Motors announced that they are out of bankruptcy after selling nearly 10,000 Camaros. At a press conference, the head of GM said, 'Thank goodness for coke dealers.'" --Conan O'Brien
It's come out that President Trump's new communications director has changed the White House lighting so Trump looks younger. Even more impressive, the new lighting makes Melania look happy. --Conan O’Brien
"Despite his prostitution scandal several years ago, Eliot Spitzer is running for comptroller of New York. He's paying someone $800 a day to collect signatures to put him on the ballot. He said it's the second best $800 he's ever spent." –Conan O'Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
The FBI will launch new probes into the cocaine discovered at the White House. A spokesman for Hunter Biden said he's looking forward to getting cleared and getting probed. —Greg Gutfeld
US Olympic legend Marylou Retton was arrested for DUI in West Virginia. She blew a .08, it would have been a .09 but the cop was from East Germany. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
On a recent podcast Simon Cowell said he once turned down a couple's offer of $150,000 to watch them have sex. Wow, Morning Joe are getting more and more desperate for viewers. —Greg Gutfeld
A new poll Colombia was voted the country with the most beautiful women in the world. But come on, any woman looks beautiful when there might be cocaine up her butt. —Greg Gutfeld
Tensions between India and Pakistan are still on the rise. As a result the rest of the world fears they will have nowhere to turn for tech support. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Sarah Palin is getting ready for the big CPAC thing by writing words on her hand like "Obama bad. No like." And Rick Perry is getting ready by writing Rick Perry. –Bill Maher
Did you see what Elon Musk did? I thought this was pretty funny. Right after he bought Twitter he said that he was going to buy Coca-Cola next and put cocaine back in it. Which is all fun and games until Hunter Biden gets his head stuck in the vending machine. —Bill Maher
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Still, it has been funny watching them try to spin this, Trump’s treasury secretary, Scott Bessent, said: ‘It took great courage, great courage for him to stay the course until this moment.’ He stayed the course – it was a golf course, but he stayed it. He did not stay the course! He drove the economy into a sand trap and took a mulligan, that’s what he did. —Jimmy Kimmel
“Why does Donald Trump even need a shower? You’d think the three-hour tongue bath he gets every morning from ‘Fox & Friends’ would be sufficient.” — Jimmy Kimmel
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
