there was no way he was going to let Osama get those 72 virgins first (the Hell Yeah! sign)

This weekend, Bill Clinton revealed why he didn't take out Bin Laden before 911, saying that there was no way he was going to let Osama get those 72 virgins first. —Greg Gutfeld 

A female passenger aboard an American Airlines flight stripped off her clothing and started behaving indecently. Passengers knew something was amiss when the pilot illuminated the Hell Yeah! sign. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In her defense... (kiss cam)

Zohran Mamdani wants prisons to feature gourmet farm to table dining. Worse, he's installing a kiss cam in the prison showers. —Greg Gutfeld 

A Florida evangelist was kicked off an Alaska Airlines flight for holding a sermon and prayer on the plane before it took off. In her defense, she had seen the woman pilot. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, uh . . . this is 900 iPods (she handed him a live goose and an axe)

There’s exciting news from the world of technology, experts say that in the future sex with robots will become so popular that it could replace sex with humans by 2050. So, basically, in the very near future, instead of texting “U up?” you’ll be texting “U on?” It’s going to be awkward when the robots need repairs. Do you just show up to the Genius bar with a human-sized duffel bag like, “Hey, uh . . . this is 900 iPods.” –James Corden

On a recent flight from Singapore to Japan, a passenger on a budget airline asked for a cup of water and the flight attendant gave him a cup of ice and told him to wait for the ice to melt. But it got worse. The passenger asked for a down pillow and the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She hiked so far into the woods, she’s now living with Bran Stark (Not us! said the New York Giants)

"A flight headed from San Francisco to Phoenix had to make an emergency landing in L.A. today after a passenger gave birth midflight. The parents called the birth a miracle while the airline called it a second carry-on." –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump was named Time magazine’s 2016 Person of the Year this morning. While Hillary Clinton was named runner-up. And when she heard, Hillary hiked so far into the woods, she’s now living with Bran Stark. –Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, 71 percent of American men believe they face pressure to act interested in sports. “Not us!” said the New York Giants. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

technically classified as a prison (*and I alone*)

According to a new poll, Newark Liberty is the country’s least favorite airport. But only because LaGuardia is technically classified as a prison. –Seth Meyers

"A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby right in the middle of the flight. I'm happy to report that the mother and child are doing fine, while the guy who was sitting next to her is not." –Seth Meyers

First up, sledding. Hey, sledding, you combine my two favorite things -- having my legs broken and being at the bottom of a massive hill with broken legs. Let's be real. Sledding is just an excuse for parents to shove their kid down a hill without Child Protective Services getting involved. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’ll pay extra for my bags, but only if I get a pilot (a live goose and an axe)

On a recent flight from Singapore to Japan, a passenger on a budget airline asked for a cup of water and the flight attendant gave him a cup of ice and told him to wait for the ice to melt. But it got worse. The passenger asked for a down pillow and the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe. --James Corden

There’s exciting news from the world of technology, experts say that in the future sex with robots will become so popular that it could replace sex with humans by 2050. So, basically, in the very near future, instead of texting “U up?” you’ll be texting “U on?” –James Corden

Anyone here have plans to travel over the holidays? Well, you might have to check your flights because American Airlines just experienced a computer glitch that has allowed all their pilots to take vacation at the same time, meaning that thousands of flights in December have no one to fly them. This is all part of American Airlines’ new campaign to make the rest of their services seem less awful. “Okay, fine. I’ll pay extra for my bags, but only if I get a pilot.” –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What Epstein file did they release now? (What a united nation looks like)

Secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy and Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. held a press event on Monday where they promoted their idea to develop fitness stations at American airports. You think people want to work out in transit at the airport? Everyone at the airport is already exhausted from traveling, all right? We can’t even walk to the gate. They had to invent floors that walk for us. — Ronny Chieng

“It was so cold in New York City this morning walking to work, I saw a Wall Street stockbroker spooning with Zohran Mamdani.” — Jimmy Fallon

“It was the kind of weather today that makes you wish you were someplace tropical, like on a boat in the Caribbean, but not near Venezuela.” — Stephen Colbert

“Yeah, at first when Trump heard it dipped into the teens, he was like, ‘What Epstein file did they release now?’” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Good luck trying to connect me to Donald Trump Jr. (safety lecture)

Donald Trump Jr. released a series of emails showing he actively tried to collaborate with the Russians before the election. When he heard this, Donald Trump said, "Good luck trying to connect me to Donald Trump Jr." –Conan O’Brien

A flight attendant has pled guilty to smuggling 60 pounds of cocaine in her carry-on bag. People got suspicious when her safety lecture went on for four hours. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unfortunately, it's only in rats (They can finally stop landing planes using Google Maps)

And finally, an experimental serum could reverse baldness within 20 days. Unfortunately, it's only in rats. —Greg Gutfeld

“Last night, after 43 days, President Trump signed a bill to end the longest government shutdown in history. Yes. Over. It was a special moment. Air traffic controllers at Newark popped open a few bottles of champagne and then they found out the shutdown had ended. Pilots are thrilled. They can finally stop landing planes using Google Maps.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, where are you going to find 12 people who haven't had sex with Diddy? (planes can just follow the smell)

A new report shows that there have been at least nine incidents at Newark Airport where air-traffic controllers have lost contact with planes that were about to land. But luckily, it's Newark, so planes can just follow the smell. —Colin Jost

The first week of jury selection in the Sean Combs trial has ended without a jury being selected. Well, yeah, I mean, where are you going to find 12 people who haven't had sex with Diddy? —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”