Being the leader of the free world is a bit harder than filming a reality show in your apartment (Silly poor people)

And now we know he knows it’s not going to be that easy, because Trump surrogate and flesh snowman Newt Gingrich recently told USA Today that he talked to Trump about his new responsibilities as president and, according to Gingrich, Trump said, “This is really a bigger job than I thought.” What do you know? Being the leader of the free world is a bit harder than filming a reality show in your apartment. –Stephen Colbert

When Trump saw the Thanksgiving turkeys he said, “I’ve never seen such a beautiful turkey. Yes, it’s so beautiful if it weren’t my dinner, perhaps I’d be dating it.” --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I love all living things, but that guy was a d*ck (attorney-Meat Loaf privilege)

One of President Trump's accusers is trying to subpoena recordings of Trump from "The Apprentice." However, Trump's legal team has refused, citing "attorney-Meat Loaf privilege." --Conan O’Brien

"Last night the Dalai Lama implied that the killing of Osama bin Laden was justified. I think his exact quote was, 'I love all living things, but that guy was a dick.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And you thought the weird part was drugs? (20% for tips)

This week President Trump met with North Korean dictator, and let’s face it, one of his top five closest friends, Kim Jong Un. Talks broke down when the two leaders could not agree on sanctions. Another problem was Kim Jong Un used an interpreter while Trump just spoke English, but louder. --Colin Jost, SNL

And in non-Oscar news, Madison Cawthorn said in a recent interview that 70 year-old republicans invited him to an orgy and did cocaine in front of him. Wait. So you went to the old man orgy? And you thought the weird part was drugs? —Colin Jost

A new study suggests the average man exaggerates the length of their penis by more than 20%. But aren’t you supposed to add 20% for tips. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

waxing the rainforest (attorney-Meat Loaf privilege)

Plans are underway to build an erotic theme park in Brazil called “ErotikaLand.” In fact, Brazilian workers are already busy waxing the rainforest. –Conan O’Brien

One of President Trump's accusers is trying to subpoena recordings of Trump from "The Apprentice." However, Trump's legal team has refused, citing "attorney-Meat Loaf privilege." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Soak it up, we'll probably never see anything like this again (His way of firing people is much more exciting than Donald Trump's)

As you probably know, the president canceled his June 12th meeting with Kim Jong Un today. Only Donald Trump could cancel a summit with Kim Jong Un in the morning and then have a meeting with Sylvester Stallone later in the day. Soak it up, we'll probably never see anything like this again. --Jimmy Kimmel

"Kim Jong Un reportedly had his defense chief executed after he fell asleep during a meeting. Not only did they execute him, they shot him with an anti-aircraft gun. I'd like to see NBC hire Kim Jong Un to host 'The Apprentice.' His way of firing people is much more exciting than Donald Trump's." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only place she did very well was among pollsters (near-zero impact)

I had the weirdest, weirdest dream last night. Remember that guy who used to host “The Apprentice”? I dreamed we elected him president. –Jimmy Kimmel

Hillary Clinton underperformed among women, African-Americans, Hispanics, and young voters. Really the only place she did very well was among pollsters. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I bet he feels like he just won a Soul Train award (See, this is what happens when Oprah gets high)

“Just when you think you’ve seen Donald Trump at his Trumpiest, he shows up at a funeral and sets a new world record for ridiculousness. That new record was set at a memorial service for Lynette Hardaway, AKA Diamond of Diamond and Silk, two well-known Trump superfans. Over a hundred mourners gathered to hear the former president wax poetic about one of his most loyal fans, and he almost did. He almost spoke about her. Instead, for 44 minutes, Trump rambled about NAFTA, tax cuts, crowd size, illegal immigration, the election, why they don’t put Melania on magazine covers any more, and bragged about how The Apprentice was the No. 1 show on television. Basically, this speech had all the sincerity and grace you could possibly expect from the man who buried the mother of his children at the 16th hole of his golf course. And the crazy thing is I bet he thinks it went great. I bet he feels like he just won a Soul Train award.” —Jimmy Kimmel

"Yesterday, Oprah's entire set was made of chocolate. See, this is what happens when Oprah gets high." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they pulled over Snoop Dogg's bus and found a baked ham (Courtney Love's apartment)

Some TV critics have accused Donald Trump's show The

Apprentice of being nothing but a year-long infomercial for

Trump's company. When asked to comment, Donald Trump

said, “Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump

Trump Trump.” --Conan O’Brien 4/16/2004

​​This is true. Yesterday a woman posing as a cleaning lady robbed Courtney Love's apartment. Neighbors became suspicious when they saw a cleaning lady going into Courtney Love's apartment. --Conan O’Brien 4/13/2004

Yesterday police in Ohio pulled over Ruben Studdard’s tour bus and the cops found a bag of marijuana. Police believe there must have been a mix-up because later they pulled over Snoop Dogg's bus and found a baked ham. --Conan O’Brien 4/13/2004

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Two proxy wars at the same time, Jack (Wait, what's consent?)

In that tweet, Trump insinuates that the New York Times set up Bob Corker by recording him, but the transcript actually shows that they had Corker's full consent. When Trump heard that, he said, “Wait, what's consent?” –James Corden

Yesterday Donald Trump’s devoted wife Melania gave an interview to Anderson Cooper where she defended Donald, saying that Billy Bush basically manipulated her husband into saying those things. Because if there’s one thing we know about Donald Trump, he usually does exactly what people tell him to do. –James Corden

But then late Sunday morning, Bob Corker gave an interview and he said it concerned him that Trump runs the White House “like he’s doing ‘The Apprentice.’” Again, not entirely accurate. On “The Apprentice” only one person got fired per week. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

the apple doesn't fall far from the guy who stole a bunch of apples (low standards)

“The president tried to prove how healthy he was this weekend by releasing this photo of him ‘at work.’ Now, some have pointed out that the piece of paper seems to be blank. Now, people were mocking this online, which made Trump furious at his staff. He was like, ‘You guys told me these were military contracts written in invisible ink!’” —James Corden

Following yesterday’s story that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called Trump a moron, this morning Donald Trump went on a Twitter rant, saying, “This is fake news put out by NBC. Low news and reporting standards.” Now, he may be right about NBC having low standards. They did air 14 seasons of “The Apprentice.” –James Corden

An article published today revealed that Ivanka and Donald Trump Jr. were nearly indicted for fraud back in 2012 for misleading investors. You know what they say — the apple doesn't fall far from the guy who stole a bunch of apples. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

There’s something wrong with this chicken (Happy Treason Day)

After former White House staffer Omarosa Manigault released a recording of a conversation with President Trump, Trump tweeted, “Wacky Omarosa who got fired three times on ‘The Apprentice’ now got fired for the last time. She never made it, never will.” Well, actually, she did make it. You hired her for a job in the White House after she got fired three times on “The Apprentice.” That’s like getting cut three times from the Mets and thinking, “I’m going to try out for the Yankees.” --Seth Meyers

Omarosa also claims in her book that she once saw President Trump eat a piece of paper. But in his defense, [shows paper with “chicken” written on it] he was tricked. [imitates Trump, chewing] “There’s something wrong with this chicken.” --Seth Meyers

"Officials from Hamas and Israel have agreed to a 72-hour cease-fire. Of course, we won't have true peace in the Middle East until there's a cease-fire that lasts longer than a mattress sale." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

His way of firing people is much more exciting than Donald Trump's (People without heads tend not to speak out)

Before his visit to Israel, President Trump was in Saudi Arabia. This is where the wheels came off. First of all, his commerce secretary was on TV raving about how there were no protesters in Saudi Arabia. Because protesters are beheaded in Saudi Arabia. That's why. People without heads tend not to speak out. –Jimmy Kimmel

"As expected, the Senate did not pass a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. President Bush was behind this thing. The president opposes gay marriage, but not because he wants to deny people who are in love the opportunity to get married like everyone else because he just wants to make sure that gay guys are allowed to have sex with as many gay guys as possible." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Kim Jong Un reportedly had his defense chief executed after he fell asleep during a meeting. Not only did they execute him, they shot him with an anti-aircraft gun. I'd like to see NBC hire Kim Jong Un to host 'The Apprentice.' His way of firing people is much more exciting than Donald Trump's." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump's legal team has refused, citing "attorney-Meat Loaf privilege." (What else you got?)

A study reveals that the best way to add years to your life is to

exercise, lose weight, and not drink too much. To which all of

America replied, "What else you got?" --Conan O’Brien

One of President Trump's accusers is trying to subpoena

recordings of Trump from The Apprentice. However,

Trump's legal team has refused, citing "attorney-Meat

Loaf privilege." --Conan O’Brien

White House insiders say that President Trump feels

comfortable with Rudy Giuliani because they’re from

the same generation. Giuliani said, "We share common

values like hard work, patriotism, and ditching your

first two wives." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He lost to the guy who fired Bret Michaels on The Apprentice (clearing things up)

George W. Bush was a little confused why Jeb quit because he was losing. Because as far as George W. Bush is concerned, you still become president even when you don't get the most votes. –James Corden

Now the most shocking thing in this report is that it’s only been 34 days. How? It feels like Trump is halfway into his second term, doesn’t it? This is the first administration where the public is aging faster than the president. –James Corden

Jeb Bush announced that he will suspend his presidential campaign after it failed to meet expectations. And you just know that Jeb's in therapy right now, saying, "My brother was a two-term president. And I lost to the guy who fired Bret Michaels on 'The Apprentice.'" –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That dude needs to chill out and smoke some marijuana (by any standard that’s a promotion)

At the Grammys, Alessia Cara won the award for best new artist. She was up against Khalid, Julia Michaels, Lil Uzi Vert and SZA. Or as your mom knows them: who, who, who, who and SZA. --James Corden

In other White House news, according to a recent article, President Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner, has been asked to turn his focus to prison reform. And based on the way the Russia investigation is going, I assume he wants to make prisons way harder to get into.  --James Corden

In other news, former Trump staffer and one-time “Apprentice” contestant Omarosa took a new gig this week. It was announced she will be joining the cast of “Celebrity Big Brother.” From Trump’s White House to CBS’s “Big Brother” house — by any standard that’s a promotion. --James Corden

Today on Capitol Hill, Trump’s pick for attorney general, Jeff Sessions, was grilled by senators during the first confirmation hearing of the Trump administration. Sessions is a controversial pick. For instance, in the past, he’s been a vocal opponent of marijuana legalization. At one point he said, “Good people don’t smoke marijuana.” That dude needs to chill out and smoke some marijuana. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I bet he feels like he just won a Soul Train award (These do not spark joy)

January 2023

“The new batch of classified documents found at Biden’s Delaware residence isn’t great for Biden. He shouldn’t have had those documents. But the revelations have led to some very silly punditry claiming that Biden is somehow in the same position as Donald Trump. They’re like two guys who got pulled over for erratic driving. Biden immediately rolls down the window, hands over his license and registration, passes the breathalyzer and says sorry officer but in my defense, even stone-cold sober I do this. Trump, on the other hand, is the guy who refuses to pull over, gets chased down, goes over those one-way spikes in the parking lot, blows out his tire, drives for another mile on sparking rims, crashes into a duck pond, gives cocaine and a gun to a duck and says ‘if anyone asks, this is yours.’ Tries to swim away even though the pond is shallow enough to stand, gets to the other side where the police are waiting for him and says, ‘Oh, I didn’t realize I was living in Soviet Russia.’” —Seth Meyers

“Just when you think you’ve seen Donald Trump at his Trumpiest, he shows up at a funeral and sets a new world record for ridiculousness. That new record was set at a memorial service for Lynette Hardaway, AKA Diamond of Diamond and Silk, two well-known Trump superfans. Over a hundred mourners gathered to hear the former president wax poetic about one of his most loyal fans, and he almost did. He almost spoke about her. Instead, for 44 minutes, Trump rambled about NAFTA, tax cuts, crowd size, illegal immigration, the election, why they don’t put Melania on magazine covers any more, and bragged about how The Apprentice was the No. 1 show on television. Basically, this speech had all the sincerity and grace you could possibly expect from the man who buried the mother of his children at the 16th hole of his golf course. And the crazy thing is I bet he thinks it went great. I bet he feels like he just won a Soul Train award.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I feel like the first one left a lot of unanswered questions (serving detention)

Some TV critics have accused Donald Trump's show The Apprentice of being nothing but a year-long infomercial for Trump's company. When asked to comment, Donald Trump said, “Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump.” --Conan O’Brien 4/16/2004

There's a new Paris Hilton sex video. When asked about it Hilton said, “I feel like the first one left a lot of unanswered questions.” --Conan O’Brien 9/28/2004

Breakfast Club star Anthony Michael Hall is facing seven years in prison for fighting his neighbor. However, his lawyer is trying to plea bargain that down to just serving detention with Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevez, and Judd Nelson. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know what this year needs? More Twitter. (Kim Kardashian's buttocks)

I had the weirdest, weirdest dream last night. Remember that guy who used to host “The Apprentice”? I dreamed we elected him president. –Jimmy Kimmel

"The European Space Agency landed a probe on a comet 317 million miles from Earth. When you get discouraged by how much attention people pay to Kim Kardashian's buttocks, remember that there are also people out there that know how to land a spacecraft on a moving comet 317 million miles away. They're out there." –Jimmy Kimmel

Today, Twitter doubled the amount of characters you can use from 140 to 280 characters. I think this means Twitter is now Facebook, right? They're basically the same thing — or is it possible there is anyone on the planet who thought, "You know what this year needs? More Twitter." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the apple doesn't fall far from the guy who stole a bunch of apples (that's really getting me through this)

But then late Sunday morning, Bob Corker gave an interview and he said it concerned him that Donald Trump runs the White House “like he’s doing ‘The Apprentice.’” Again, not entirely accurate. On “The Apprentice” only one person got fired per week. –James Corden

An article published today revealed that Ivanka and Donald Trump Jr. were nearly indicted for fraud back in 2012 for misleading investors. You know what they say — the apple doesn't fall far from the guy who stole a bunch of apples. –James Corden

Now the thing with these tweets is somehow these tweets imply that the tax reform plans would help hurricane victims. And how would that ever possibly help? People would be like, "Hey, did your house make it through the flooding? No. But luckily the CEO of the company I work for is getting a massive tax cut and that's really getting me through this." –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”