Because they're simply better than the rest of us (to work on his color)

Today was National Hotdog Day and to celebrate, Donald Trump spent a few hours on the rollers at 7-Eleven to work on his color. –Conan O’Brien

"But General Motors announced that they are out of bankruptcy after selling nearly 10,000 Camaros. At a press conference, the head of GM said, 'Thank goodness for coke dealers.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Never mind, I found it (the foot-long hot dogs were only five inches)

It just came out that Pope Francis once said that there is no such thing as hell. And then he got stuck in Boarding Group C on Spirit Airlines and said, “Never mind, I found it.” --Jimmy Fallon

Today the Yankees had to postpone their home opener because of a snowstorm. You can tell it was cold because the foot-long hot dogs were only five inches. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or should I say the all-Frank beef? (mind control experiments)

Jeb is America's fourth favorite Bush — after George, the other

George, and of course, the baked beans. –Stephen Colbert

It has been rumored that Donald Trump is going to nominate his personal physician to manage the Department of Veterans Affairs, despite the fact that his doctor has no experience managing a large bureaucracy. Colbert as Trump, “Look, I can teach him everything he needs to know about managing veterans affairs: $130,000, and the veteran shuts up, all right.” --Stephen Colbert

A shocking investigation has found that after testing 75 brands of hot dogs, 2 percent of them contained human DNA. Some of those hot dogs are actually hot Dougs. The report doesn't specify the source of the human DNA. Is it hair? Is it fingernails? Did a lonely factory worker stay late one night and seduce a sausage casing machine? Could your pig in a blanket have a bun in the oven? This news completely changes America's love affair with the all-beef frank. Or should I say the all-Frank beef? –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

or as they call it at Motel 6, a hot tub (swallow 70 hot dogs)

Hot dog eating champ Joey Chestnut just pleaded guilty to misdemeanor battery. But he shouldn't worry. In prison, who's going to be more popular than the guy who can swallow 70 hot dogs? —Greg Gutfeld

As part of the Venice Arts Festival, a female performance artist submerged herself in a clear tank filled with recycled urine collected from patrons, or as they call it at Motel 6, a hot tub. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

George Washington's real last name (you should still call the police)

Yesterday in Alabama, a bomb squad was called into a post office to handle suspicious bags that ended up being full of hot dogs. So if you know someone who left a bag full of hot dogs at the post office, you should still call the police. -- Jimmy Fallon

Some more news about the President just came out that during a trip to George Washington's home in Mount Vernon, Trump was amazed that Washington didn't name the property after himself. This is real. Trump said, "if Washington was smart, he would've put his name on it. You've got to put your name on stuff or no one remembers you." When a staffer said, "Sir, where you live is named after him." Trump was like, "You mean George Washington's real last name was Mar-A-Lago Golf Course?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

five inches (Not in my house)

Today the Yankees had to postpone their home opener because of a snowstorm. You can tell it was cold because the foot-long hot dogs were only five inches. --Jimmy Fallon

This is pretty cool. Scientists have built a 6'10" robot that can hit perfect three-pointers. Unfortunately, rival scientists built a 6'11" robot that can say, "Not in my house." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Basic needs of Americans (shrinkage)

Well, you guys, it was just five degrees in New York City today. It was so cold, hot dog vendors were complaining about shrinkage. --Jimmy Fallon

"A new helicopter service called Gotham Air is now offering users cheap flights from Manhattan to JFK or Newark airports that start at just $99. If there's two words I trust together in the same sentence, it's 'cheap' and 'helicopter.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess my bologna really does have a first name (a crisp nut-punch)

“There was plenty of talk of a so-called ‘red wave’ ahead of the midterms, but as it turns out, it wasn’t as bad as the people who make money off of fear wanted us to fear it would be. Tuesday’s results are a crisp nut-punch to Republican optimism leading up into this election. Look how confident Republicans were before the election with Donald Trump Jr. tweeting that it was going to be a ‘bloodbath!’ of Republican victories. That did not age well. Reminds me of what General Custer tweeted just before Little Bighorn: ‘This is gonna be awesome. Ow, I just got shot in the head.’” —Stephen Colbert

Researchers somewhere studied 75 brands of hot dogs and found some of them contained human DNA. I guess my bologna really does have a first name. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You have to wait until we say 'Go!', Governor Christie (You know what? Go ahead and use your hands)

"Congrats to Joey Chestnut. On Friday he won the Fourth of July Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest by eating 61 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Another guy said, 'But I ate a hundred!' Then the judges said, 'You have to wait until we say 'Go!', Governor Christie.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"There was a huge blowout at the World Cup yesterday when Germany beat Brazil 7-1 in the semifinals. It got so bad that the refs told Brazil, 'You know what? Go ahead and use your hands.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which I believe is also the main ingredient in hot dogs (No one is going to stop you, there are no doors)

Housing prices are so high in the San Francisco Bay Area right now that a small one-story burned-out home is selling for — brace yourself — $800,000. It comes with two-and-a-half baths and two-and-a-half walls. The house is loaded with fun features like a fire pit out back, a fire pit in the kitchen, a fire pit in the living room, and all the bedrooms got fire pits. Why not save $800,000 and just move in now? No one is going to stop you, there are no doors. --James Corden

There was a big breakthrough in the world of science. Researchers recently created the world’s first human heart using a 3D printer. The heart is made from human cells and “patient-specific biological materials” which I believe is also the main ingredient in hot dogs. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Betterluck Jonathan (Art thou up?)

“Nigeria just held their election and their incumbent president, whose actual name is Goodluck Jonathan, lost the race. He was beaten by his rival, Betterluck Jonathan.” —Conan O’Brien

There's a new app that turns your texts into lines from Shakespeare. The most popular one used for booty calls is, "Art thou up?" –Conan O’Brien

The IRS has introduced new technology allowing you to pay your taxes at a 7-Eleven. So just imagine: You can now declare your earnings from 2015 while eating a hot dog from 2005. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, someone better keep her away from Nathan’s Hot Dogs (You may be high...)

Drew Barrymore says Mr Clean makes her uncomfortable cuz he's so sexual. Wow, Mr Clean makes her horny? Well, someone better keep her away from Nathan’s Hot Dogs, huh? —Greg Gutfeld

A Pennsylvania town painted curved road lines down a residential street to curb reckless driving. Although Kamala Harris felt perfectly at home. —Greg Gutfeld

Pete Hegseth has ordered that the standards be the same for both men and women in combat. Meaning men will now have to bring a sweater in case it gets cold. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Minus a few bucks for the Jeb Bush signature (they're complicit)

Yesterday in Alabama, a bomb squad was called into a post office to handle suspicious bags that ended up being full of hot dogs. So if you know someone who left a bag full of hot dogs at the post office, you should still call the police. -- Jimmy Fallon

An autograph expert said that Hillary Clinton's autograph is the most valuable of all the candidates. For instance, a Hillary Clinton-signed hat is worth about $1500 dollars, while a Jeb Bush-signed hat is worth...whatever the hat cost originally, minus a few bucks for the Jeb Bush signature. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or should I say the all-Frank beef? (I never said we would)

The Cubs won the World Series! The curse is lifted. For the first time in a century, Wrigley Field is covered in victory vomit. –Stephen Colbert

A shocking investigation has found that after testing 75 brands of hot dogs, 2 percent of them contained human DNA. Some of those hot dogs are actually hot Dougs. The report doesn't specify the source of the human DNA. Is it hair? Is it fingernails? Did a lonely factory worker stay late one night and seduce a sausage casing machine? Could your pig in a blanket have a bun in the oven? This news completely changes America's love affair with the all-beef frank. Or should I say the all-Frank beef?  –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess my bologna really does have a first name (I will never be sober again)

Researchers somewhere studied 75 brands of hot dogs and found some of them contained human DNA. I guess my bologna really does have a first name. –Stephen Colbert

Audience, I’m worried that once they make self-driving cars, I will never be sober again. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know what? Go ahead and use your hands (Don't Do It, Man)

"Congrats to Joey Chestnut. On Friday he won the Fourth of July Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest by eating 61 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Another guy said, 'But I ate a hundred!' Then the judges said, 'You have to wait until we say 'Go!', Governor Christie.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"There was a huge blowout at the World Cup yesterday when Germany beat Brazil 7-1 in the semifinals. It got so bad that the refs told Brazil, 'You know what? Go ahead and use your hands.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Jay Z is working on a new album to tell his side of the story in response to Beyoncé’s "Lemonade." But before that, his friends are going to release their own song called "Don't Do It, Man." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Anyone else as turned on as I am? (shrinkage)

Well, you guys, it was just five degrees in New York City today. It was so cold, hot dog vendors were complaining about shrinkage. --Jimmy Fallon

After finishing second in New Hampshire’s Republican primary, John Kasich said he can handle attacks by Donald Trump saying, “I'm not gonna sit there and be a marshmallow and have somebody pound me." Then Chris Christie was like, "Anyone else as turned on as I am?" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You said we had a deal! (their new seats only recline forward)

Some news for travelers here. I read that British Airways is getting rid of reclining seats on their planes. And if you think that's bad, Southwest just announced that their new seats only recline forward. --Jimmy Fallon

New polls found that Bernie Sanders is now ahead of Hillary Clinton among Democrats in both Iowa and New Hampshire. And even Hillary's lead in national polls is dwindling. I don't want to say Hillary is upset, but this morning she was spotted shouting into a volcano, "You said we had a deal!" –Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday in Alabama, a bomb squad was called into a post office to handle suspicious bags that ended up being full of hot dogs. So if you know someone who left a bag full of hot dogs at the post office, you should still call the police. -- Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don’t worry, by the time the election comes around I will double that (That seems a little high)

A new survey shows that Donald Trump is polling at zero percent among black voters in Ohio and Pennsylvania. I don't know. That seems a little high. –Conan O’Brien

Today was National Hotdog Day and to celebrate, Donald Trump spent a few hours on the rollers at 7-Eleven to work on his color. –Conan O’Brien

According to a poll that just came out, Donald Trump is getting zero percent of the black vote in some states. Trump said, "Don’t worry, by the time the election comes around I will double that.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's just like regular Clue except that everyone did it in every room with every weapon (Groucho Marxism)

A lot of fans weren't happy with how Game of Thrones ended. They're complaining about the writing. I'm not saying their writers ran out of ideas, but I thought it was odd that Jon Snow's final line was, "Bazinga." --Jimmy Fallon

"This week, Oscar Mayer introduced a new hot dog with bacon cooked right into it. Or as Chris Christie put it, 'Is it possible to reverse that lap-band procedure?'" –Jimmy Fallon

A "Game of Thrones" version of the board game Clue is now for sale. It's just like regular Clue except that everyone did it in every room with every weapon. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”