Well, there goes my Christmas card idea (people feel the same way about Facebook as they do about the McRib)

"President Obama said he will not release the photo of Osama bin Laden's dead body. Well, there goes my Christmas card idea." –Jimmy Fallon

Most Americans said they still like Facebook, but they don't trust it. So basically, people feel the same way about Facebook as they do about the McRib. --Jimmy Fallon

"George W. Bush and Bill Clinton sat next to each other at the big game. Clinton congratulated UConn on its big win, while Bush gave Kentucky a 'Mission Accomplished' banner." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he's already put up the mission accomplished banner (It's like being married to a Kardashian)

"Former President Bush is writing his memoir. Writing his autobiography about his eight years in the White House. He's not done with it yet, but he's already put up the mission accomplished banner." –David Letterman

"It's been two years since the SEAL team busted in and got Osama bin Laden. On the night of the raid, the guy never knew what hit him. It's like being married to a Kardashian." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

nobody can find it (he's already put up the mission accomplished banner)

"The Bush Presidential Library is beautiful, and they have a huge section devoted to weapons of mass destruction, but nobody can find it." –David Letterman

"Former President Bush is writing his memoir. Writing his autobiography about his eight years in the White House. He's not done with it yet, but he's already put up the mission accomplished banner." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He spent eight years telling Bush to be quiet (And if you thought bumping into your teacher at the grocery store was awkward)

"George W. Bush's famous 'Mission Accomplished' banner may be put in his Presidential Library. They plan to hang it up as soon as they start construction. Dick Cheney attended the ceremony. It's fitting for Cheney to be at the library. He spent eight years telling Bush to be quiet." –Jimmy Fallon

“Today in New York, New York issued the first licenses to open marijuana dispensaries. And if you thought bumping into your teacher at the grocery store was awkward.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished' (100 days to pretend you understand curling)

The Winter Olympics are just 100 days away! That means you have just 100 days to pretend you understand curling. –Jimmy Fallon

"Hey, the health care bill was introduced yesterday. It's 1,990 pages long and costs $894 billion dollars. Or $2.2 million per word. That makes them the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished.'" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think we can rule out landing on an aircraft carrier and declaring mission accomplished (He's worried about too many Americans illegally crossing his borders)

 

"We're coming up to the third anniversary of the invasion of Iraq. I'm not sure how Bush is going to mark the occasion. I think we can rule out landing on an aircraft carrier and declaring mission accomplished." --Jay Leno

"Mexican President Vicente Fox changed his mind and announced he will not sign a bill legalizing cocaine, heroin and marijuana. He's worried about too many Americans illegally crossing his borders." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

enormous flaws that I don't work on (time to break out the old 'Mission Accomplished' banner)

"A retired Air Force colonel said that U.S. military operations are already under way in Iran. You know what that means, time to break out the old 'Mission Accomplished' banner." –Jay Leno

"President Bush called for the National Guard to patrol the U.S./Mexican border. The guards will track down and find illegals. That's not their job. They're trained to defend our country -- not track down and find people. Let's be honest, the Guard couldn't even track down and find President Bush when he was in the National Guard." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's not done with it yet, but he's already put up the mission accomplished banner (It's like being married to a Kardashian)

"It's been two years since the SEAL team busted in and got Osama bin Laden. On the night of the raid, the guy never knew what hit him. It's like being married to a Kardashian." –David Letterman

"Former President Bush is writing his memoir. Writing his autobiography about his eight years in the White House. He's not done with it yet, but he's already put up the mission accomplished banner." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I love hunting peasants (Smash that like button)

"George W. Bush and Bill Clinton sat next to each other at the big game. Clinton congratulated UConn on its big win, while Bush gave Kentucky a 'Mission Accomplished' banner." –Jimmy Fallon

“I saw that Pope Francis will be streaming Easter Mass on YouTube. You know these are strange times when Easter Mass ends with ‘Be sure to like and subscribe. Smash that like button.’” —Jimmy Fallon

I heard that a couple weeks ago, Rick Santorum and Ted Cruz spent some time hunting pheasants in Iowa. When Donald Trump heard that, he was like, “Why wasn’t I invited? I love hunting peasants.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I've got to say, the book was way better than the presidency (I should know, I'm a tailor)

"George W. Bush's famous 'Mission Accomplished' banner may be put in his Presidential Library. They plan to hang it up as soon as they start construction. Dick Cheney attended the ceremony. It's fitting for Cheney to be at the library. He spent eight years telling Bush to be quiet." –Jimmy Fallon

"I finally read former President Bush's memoir, and I've got to say, the book was way better than the presidency." –Jimmy Fallon

Americans actually get to vote on which turkey Trump pardons, and I saw that the two finalists are named Peas and Carrots. When he heard they're both named after vegetables, Trump was like, "Forget it. They're both goners.” That's right. Americans can vote on which turkey gets pardoned. You can tell the turkeys want to drag it out as long as possible, 'cause today they asked if that vote could happen in Florida. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

That makes them the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished.' (Boom, just like that)

When kids rang Donald Trump's bell and yelled, “Trick or treat,” Trump yelled “Trick,” and before the kids could grab any candy, he declared bankruptcy. Boom, just like that. –Jimmy Fallon

"Hey, the health care bill was introduced yesterday. It's 1,990 pages long and costs $894 billion dollars. Or $2.2 million per word. That makes them the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished.'" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Mr. President, Please Put Down the Game Boy, Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States (if you don't believe me, you can ask my unicorn)

While speaking in North Carolina, President Bush said, the economy is strong, and the best is yet to come. Adding: Also, the war's going great, we don't torture people, I'm 11 feet tall, and if you don't believe me, you can ask my unicorn. —Tina Fey

"In response to the escalating violence in Iraq, President Bush is delaying the return home of 25,000 troops and will actually add reinforcements to the south. Then in a symbolic gesture he pulled down the mission accomplished banner, put on a flight suit, walked backwards to a jet fighter and flew it in reverse off an aircraft carrier." —Tina Fey

"In response to a request by the 9/11 commission the White House agreed to declassify the president's daily intelligence briefing from August 6th titled 'Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States.' The commission also wants to see the August 20th briefing, 'No Seriously Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States' and also from August 26th, 'Mr. President, Please Put Down the Game Boy, Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States.'" —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, that's what you get for traveling during volcano season (I'm really scared to put the rub on it)

"Former President Bush is writing his memoir. Writing his autobiography about his eight years in the White House. He's not done with it yet, but he's already put up the mission accomplished banner." –David Letterman

"The Republicans in Congress voted no on the minimum wage. Wow, that's not the Republicans I know. I think they're confused. We're supposed to apply the economic sanctions to the Russians." –David Letterman

"Is anyone here stranded because of the volcano? Well, that's what you get for traveling during volcano season." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's so confident about doing this that he's already unfolding the Mission Accomplished banner (Sick Days)

"President Bush will be a great motivational speaker. Look how many people he motivated to vote Democrat. So there you go!" --David Letterman

"It was so nice down in Washington, D.C. today that President Bush was leaking classified documents in the park." --David Letterman

"President George W. Bush is in the Middle East. He's over there right now because his approval rating is higher. Bush would like to settle the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. He's so confident about doing this that he's already unfolding the 'Mission Accomplished' banner." --David Letterman

 

"Saturday is April Fool's Day and President Bush has a great April Fool's joke planned. He's going to put out that old 'Mission Accomplished' banner." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the book was way better than the presidency (3%)

"I finally read former President Bush's memoir, and I've got to say, the book was way better than the presidency." –Jimmy Fallon

"George W. Bush's famous 'Mission Accomplished' banner may be put in his Presidential Library. They plan to hang it up as soon as they start construction." –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump went on Twitter today and mocked Ronda Rousey for losing her fight this past weekend. In response, T-Mobile's CEO said he'd pay to see Trump fight her in the ring — at which point, Trump started building a wall around himself. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That makes them the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished.' (All we hear is...)

"Hey, the health care bill was introduced yesterday. It's 1,990 pages long and costs $894 billion dollars. Or $2.2 million per word. That makes them the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished.'" --Jimmy Fallon

This month, the world’s oldest person will turn 117, and she says she eats two raw eggs every day. When asked what she wants for her birthday, she said, “A skillet. I’ve been asking for a pan since 1916.” –Jimmy Fallon

A memo from a veteran spy says that Vladimir Putin has been supporting Donald Trump for five years. After hearing this, Trump said, “Oh my God, I forgot it was our anniversary! What do you get for five years? I hope it’s not CHINA?” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Tom Cruise was lecturing Matt Lauer about jambalaya (Apache blessing)

"Here's the latest deal on the Hurricane Katrina/FEMA situation. FEMA's relief funds, $1.2 billion, were spent on things like a divorce, a sex change. Does this make you angry? Are you angry because you had to pay for your own divorce and your own sex change?" --David Letterman

"Saturday is April Fool's Day and President Bush has a great April Fool's joke planned. He's going to put out that old 'Mission Accomplished' banner." --David Letterman

"The bad news is Iran is capable of making a nuclear bomb. The good news is they have to drop it from a camel." --David Letterman

"It's Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Everybody has Mardi Gras fever. I was watching the 'Today' show earlier today and Tom Cruise was lecturing Matt Lauer about jambalaya." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, just the fact he went to Vietnam shows he's not George W. Bush (ornaments)

 

"The good news is that Congress is cracking down on illegal immigration. The bad news: a head of lettuce will now cost $300." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is going to address the nation Monday night on the immigration issue. Bush said he would have given the address tonight, but they couldn't get the 'Mission Accomplished' sign finished in Spanish soon enough." --Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin said last night that John McCain had seen evil, but I didn't even know Dick Cheney was at the convention." --Jay Leno

 

“They say that John McCain's biggest challenge is to convince people that he's not George W. Bush. Hey, just the fact he went to Vietnam shows he's not George W. Bush." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm doing this for America (Bazinga)

"George W. Bush and Bill Clinton sat next to each other at the big game. Clinton congratulated UConn on its big win, while Bush gave Kentucky a 'Mission Accomplished' banner." –Jimmy Fallon

A lot of fans weren't happy with how Game of Thrones ended. They're complaining about the writing. I'm not saying their writers ran out of ideas, but I thought it was odd that Jon Snow's final line was, "Bazinga." --Jimmy Fallon

A "Game of Thrones" version of the board game Clue is now for sale. It's just like regular Clue except that everyone did it in every room with every weapon. –Jimmy Fallon

The Wall Street Journal just reported that America has a surplus of cheese and that every person in the country would have to eat an extra three pounds of cheese this year to get rid of it. So the next time the pizza guy judges you for ordering extra cheese, just say, "I'm doing this for America." –Jimmy Fallon

CBS announced that season 33 of "Survivor" will be called "Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen-X." It'll start in September, and end 20 minutes later when both teams realize there's no Wi-Fi. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, you know, in their defense, they're not exactly rocket scientists (the power of the people)

"How 'bout this? Alex Rodriguez is not returning to the New York Yankees. The announcement was made at a fake FEMA press conference. FEMA faked a press conference and earlier today, President Bush strongly condemned it at his own fake press conference."  --David Letterman

"Today is also the third anniversary of the Iraq war. So far so good! Whatever happened to that mission accomplished thing? I think now the only way to get rid of the Iraq war is to put it on NBC." --David Letterman

"NASA lost the original film of the moon landing. Did you hear about this? Well, you know, in their defense, they're not exactly rocket scientists." --David Letterman

"Have you been watching the Roger Clemens congressional hearings? He denies being injected by his trainer. But what I thought was interesting was every time they mentioned 'buttocks,' Sen. Larry Craig swooned." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”