Maybe a nice box of wine? (now she's claiming she's part Italian)

So Kamala Harris is speaking in San Francisco tomorrow and she's charging $25 for anyone who wants to live stream it, and if you don't have $25 she'll also accept alternate forms of payment. Maybe a nice box of wine? —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump said he's bringing back Columbus Day after Joe Biden renamed the holiday Indigenous People's Day, and now Elizabeth Warren is claiming she's part Italian. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I just open my mouth, and the best words come out (OK, we don't know why you're famous)

“Newt Gingrich said that Mitt Romney is so closed-minded that he would have fired Christopher Columbus. Romney denied it, saying, ‘Are you kidding me? A man with three boats, that's my kind of guy.’” –Jimmy Fallon

Kim Kardashian spoke out about Kanye West's Twitter rants and said she wants everyone to be as honest as Kanye. Then people were like, “OK, we don't know why you're famous.” –Jimmy Fallon

Tonight President Trump gave his big speech to Congress. I saw that beforehand, Democrats came out with a “prebuttal” to counter some of Trump’s talking points. They say that they know what Trump’s going say before he says it — or as Trump put it, “Must be nice. I just open my mouth, and the best words come out.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The thief apparently made off with the man's entire argument (Now get away from our castle!)

"After a photographer was accused of harassing the royal baby Prince George, lawyers for Prince William and Kate Middleton said that their son 'must be permitted to lead as ordinary a life as possible.' They then added, 'Now get away from our castle!'" –Seth Meyers

"This weekend a man in Oregon who is an advocate for the open carry of firearms was robbed at gunpoint. The thief apparently made off with the man's entire argument." –Seth Meyers

"In a recent statement, Vladimir Putin said that Ukraine 'has always been and would continue to be the closest sister nation to Russia.' And sometimes sisters fight when one sister steals the other sister's boyfriend Crimea." –Seth Meyers

It’s Columbus Day. In honor of Christopher Columbus, I went to a grocery store and got lost looking for spices. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What would have happened if Donald Trump had been born in the 1400s and his dad gave him a boat? (What is racism?)

October 2022

“The most controversial federal holiday of all of them, is Columbus Day. Here’s how you know Columbus Day isn’t so hot any more – there’s no Google Doodle for it. Monday was also Indigenous Peoples’ Day, which is what it should be, probably. But we have to pick one or the other, right? This is like saying it’s Arbor Day and Chainsaw Day. It can’t be both.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Christopher Columbus was by all accounts a cruel and terrible, self-serving person, who had one job: to get to India. He missed it by 9,000 miles, but rather than admit he was wrong and not in India, he just started calling everyone Indians, which is so willfully ignorant. If he were alive today, he could probably run the Republican party. If you’re being honest with yourself, Christopher Columbus is basically what would have happened if Donald Trump had been born in the 1400s and his dad gave him a boat.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I tell you right now, those ankles are totally airbrushed (Wait, how the hell am I still here?)

"Al Qaeda has launched its own womens magazine. I bought a copy, and I tell you right now, those ankles are totally airbrushed." –Jimmy Fallon

“Newt Gingrich said that Mitt Romney is so closed-minded that he would have fired Christopher Columbus. Romney denied it, saying, ‘Are you kidding me? A man with three boats, that's my kind of guy.’” –Jimmy Fallon

Marco Rubio pulled out of the race after losing the Florida primary to Trump by almost 20 points. But he still has a great story. I mean nothing symbolizes America more than the son of poor immigrants growing up to run for president and being crushed by a billionaire. –Jimmy Fallon

In the past few weeks, Gary Cohn, Hope Hicks, and now Rex Tillerson have all left the White House. Most people have said they’re shocked — while Betsy DeVos was like, “Wait, how the hell am I still here?” --Jimmy Fallon

"After 16 days of competition, the closing ceremony for the Winter Olympics is this Sunday. Vladimir Putin was like, 'It has been fun time, and I'm sad to see everyone escape . . . I mean, get away . . . I mean, go home.'" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sorry, but with all the wars we just can't afford you (that's my kind of guy)

February 29, 2012

“In yesterday's Michigan primary, Newt Gingrich actually came in fourth place. Or as the ice cream in his freezer put it, it's gonna be a long night.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Newt Gingrich said that Mitt Romney is so closed-minded that he would have fired Christopher Columbus. Romney denied it, saying, ‘Are you kidding me? A man with three boats, that's my kind of guy.’” –Jimmy Fallon

"Today, in a suburb of Detroit, Mitt Romney asked supporters to donate money to his campaign. Of course, the people then pointed out that they live in Detroit. And he's Mitt Romney." –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

although many Americans believe he was actually born in Kenya (Raise your hand if...)

October 2011

"Rick Perry has admitted that he's so tired that he can't sleep. He should listen to one of his own speeches." –David Letterman

"Bo the White House dog is 3 today. The difference between Bo and the economy is that Obama fixed the dog." –David Letterman

"Christopher Columbus, an Italian, moved to Spain and then discovered America, although many Americans believe he was actually born in Kenya." –David Letterman 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Over 2 million people meant to show up (but he could do it in 30 minutes or less)

October 2011

"It's the 24th day of the Occupy Wall Street protests, also known as the largest homeless slumber party in the world. Some protesters brought their kids to the demonstrations. Some of the kids got bored and decided to occupy Sesame Street instead." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Christopher Columbus was an Italian explorer who came to exploit our native population and infect them with smallpox. And 500 years later, we've exacted our revenge by sending Snooki to Italy." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Herman Cain compared his run for president to Moses leading his people out of Egypt. Cain said it took Moses 40 years to lead his people out of Egypt, but he could do it in 30 minutes or less." –Conan O'Brien

"California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he called Darth Vader a good dad (NRA Pay Window)

Hey, you guys, today is Columbus Day. But I read that some cities are observing Indigenous People’s Day instead. While most people said, “Call it whatever you want, as long as we get a mattress for 30 percent off.” That’s all we really want. –Jimmy Fallon

In his speech today, Trump called Christopher Columbus a skilled navigator. Then, at his Comic-Con speech, he called Darth Vader a good dad. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Train Sounds: Volume 12

It’s Columbus Day. In honor of Christopher Columbus, I went to a grocery store and got lost looking for spices. –Seth Meyers

Dr. Ben Carson made news last week by saying that the holocaust could have been averted if European Jews had had guns. Though I’m pretty sure what he meant to say was, “I don’t want to be president.” –Seth Meyers

North Korea this weekend held a military parade celebrating the 70th anniversary of their communist party. People who attended the parade called it “amazing” and “mandatory.” –Seth Meyers

The White House yesterday released First Lady Michelle Obama's Spotify playlist, which features Beyonce, Demi Lovato and Esperanza Spalding. While Joe Biden’s playlist is just, “Now That’s What I Call Train Sounds: Volume 12.” –Seth Meyers

Who do I have to kill to win a Nobel Peace Prize?

"The administration now has a name for the war against ISIS. Every military operation has to have a name so people can get behind it, and they now have a name for the war against ISIS – Operation Hillary's Problem." –David Letterman

"Vladimir Putin was nominated but did not win the Nobel Peace Prize. Earlier today he said, 'Who do I have to kill to win a Nobel Peace Prize?'" –David Letterman


"A lot of people have a three-day weekend because of Columbus Day. In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue and 522 years later a lot of people still get Monday off to celebrate. No one's received more credit for getting lost than Christopher Columbus in the history of mankind." –Jimmy Kimmel



He also endorsed porn, Jack Daniels, and hepatitis C

“Kid Rock gave Mitt Romney an endorsement. He also endorsed porn, Jack Daniels, and hepatitis C.” –Jimmy Kimmel



“Newt Gingrich said that Mitt Romney is so closed-minded that he would have fired Christopher Columbus. Romney denied it, saying, ‘Are you kidding me? A man with three boats, that's my kind of guy.’” –Jimmy Fallon





"Today, in a suburb of Detroit, Mitt Romney asked supporters to donate money to his campaign. Of course, the people then pointed out that they live in Detroit. And he's Mitt Romney." –Conan O’Brien

John Hulse painting