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Saturday, October 18, 2014

Who do I have to kill to win a Nobel Peace Prize?



"The administration now has a name for the war against ISIS. Every military operation has to have a name so people can get behind it, and they now have a name for the war against ISIS – Operation Hillary's Problem." –David Letterman


"Vladimir Putin was nominated but did not win the Nobel Peace Prize. Earlier today he said, 'Who do I have to kill to win a Nobel Peace Prize?'" –David Letterman



"A lot of people have a three-day weekend because of Columbus Day. In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue and 522 years later a lot of people still get Monday off to celebrate. No one's received more credit for getting lost than Christopher Columbus in the history of mankind." –Jimmy Kimmel






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