I tell you right now, those ankles are totally airbrushed (Wait, how the hell am I still here?)

"Al Qaeda has launched its own womens magazine. I bought a copy, and I tell you right now, those ankles are totally airbrushed." –Jimmy Fallon

“Newt Gingrich said that Mitt Romney is so closed-minded that he would have fired Christopher Columbus. Romney denied it, saying, ‘Are you kidding me? A man with three boats, that's my kind of guy.’” –Jimmy Fallon

Marco Rubio pulled out of the race after losing the Florida primary to Trump by almost 20 points. But he still has a great story. I mean nothing symbolizes America more than the son of poor immigrants growing up to run for president and being crushed by a billionaire. –Jimmy Fallon

In the past few weeks, Gary Cohn, Hope Hicks, and now Rex Tillerson have all left the White House. Most people have said they’re shocked — while Betsy DeVos was like, “Wait, how the hell am I still here?” --Jimmy Fallon

"After 16 days of competition, the closing ceremony for the Winter Olympics is this Sunday. Vladimir Putin was like, 'It has been fun time, and I'm sad to see everyone escape . . . I mean, get away . . . I mean, go home.'" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”