Business Class (work is bad for you)

A skydiver in California just became the first person to jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines calls that, “Business Class.” –Jimmy Fallon

A recent study shows that standing at work for long periods of time is bad for you, after earlier research indicated that sitting for too long at work is bad for you. So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You got five minutes. No touching! (At least that’s the explanation coming from United Airlines)

Salad chain Sweetgreen announced yesterday they will give employees five months of paid parental leave. And Walmart announced they'll let employees see their families once a year. "You got five minutes. No touching!" --Seth Meyers

A 101-year-old man recently became the oldest person to skydive. At least that’s the explanation coming from United Airlines. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And to prove that he actually solved it, the funeral was open casket (follow-up questions)

A skydiver uploaded a video of himself yesterday jumping out of a plane and solving a Rubik’s cube during free fall. And to prove that he actually solved it, the funeral was open casket. –Seth Meyers

A company in California will unveil the world’s first talking sex robot in January. Because that’s what people who buy sex robots want: follow-up questions. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

well, at least my Covid got a second term ($ellout/Business Class)

“President Biden has a rebound case of Covid. Right now, Biden’s looking on the bright side. He’s like ‘well, at least my Covid got a second term.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“I wonder about that single Illinois ticket that won the $1.34 Billion Mega Millions jackpot over the weekend. The winner hasn’t come forward yet, so either they’re contacting financial experts, or they’re at home being like, ‘crap, where is it, I went swimming, no one turn on the washing machine!’” —Jimmy Fallon

A skydiver in California just became the first person to jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines calls that, “Business Class.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

At least that’s the explanation coming from United Airlines (She came in third — behind a bag of weed)

A 101-year-old man recently became the oldest person to skydive. At least that’s the explanation coming from United Airlines. –Seth Meyers

Bernie Sanders won last night's Oregon Democratic primary and this was a surprise. Hillary came in third — behind a bag of weed. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess Brady just loves anything that releases air (The system's fine folks!)

Patriots quarterback Tom Brady said over the weekend that he's not sure who he'll vote for, but he loves Donald Trump. I guess Brady just loves anything that releases air. –Seth Meyers

A skydiver uploaded a video of himself yesterday jumping out of a plane and solving a Rubik’s cube during free fall. And to prove that he actually solved it, the funeral was open casket. –Seth Meyers

During the same rally President Trump claimed that he could be more presidential than any president in history, quote, "Except for possibly Abe Lincoln with the big hat." Oh, right. That Abe Lincoln. Are you at a campaign rally or Show and Tell? "This is my Abe Lincoln. He has a really big hat. And he hates going to plays." --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I can’t talk now, I’m on the phone with the governor of Narnia (Even worse, he referred to cows as spotted milk horses)

A transcript from President Trump’s phone call with the Australian prime minister was just leaked and at one point, Trump referred to U.S. dairy farmers as local milk people. Even worse, he referred to cows as spotted milk horses. –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump was actually busted for saying that a bunch of people called to compliment him this week, when they hadn’t. When asked about it today, Trump said, “I can’t talk now, I’m on the phone with the governor of Narnia.” –Jimmy Fallon

A skydiver in California just became the first person to jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines calls that, “Business Class.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

But how will we pay for that? (At least that’s the explanation coming from United Airlines)

President Trump yesterday issued a statement calling for paid family leave. Which is a little surprising until you remember that he’s already paid two families to leave. –Seth Meyers

A 101-year-old man recently became the oldest person to skydive. At least that’s the explanation coming from United Airlines. –Seth Meyers

"60 Minutes" correspondent Morley Safer will formally retire this week after 46 seasons with the show. Safer made his name as a young reporter covering the landmark case of "Asteroid v. Dinosaurs." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Tom Cruise & James Corden Join 'The Lion King' Cast

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wait a minute, Melania's not blind? (they're just going to reboot the series without him)

According to a new CNN poll, President Trump's approval rating has fallen six points in the last month. If he gets any less popular, they're just going to reboot the series without him. --Seth Meyers

A skydiver uploaded a video of himself yesterday jumping out of a plane and solving a Rubik’s cube during free fall. And to prove that he actually solved it, the funeral was open casket. –Seth Meyers

President Trump tried to have braille removed from the elevators in Trump Tower, because "no blind people are going to live in Trump Tower." Wait a minute, Melania's not blind? --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The speech went well, but the lightning shooting from her hands was a bit much (the most feared individual on the planet)

Tonight Hillary Clinton gave her big speech at the Democratic Convention, officially accepting the nomination for president. The speech went well, but the lightning shooting from her hands was a bit much. –Jimmy Fallon

A skydiver in California just became the first person to jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines calls that, “Business Class.” –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, the New York Mets lost to the Washington Nationals, 25-4. Or as Mets fans put it, "Sweet. We scored four runs. Awesome." --Jimmy Fallon

A new study finds that George Clooney has the most handsome face because of his eyes, nose, chin, and mouth. In other words, he has the most handsome face because of his face. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

or as it's technically called, "wanting it more" (three-second 100-meter dash)

A skydiver in California just became the first person to jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines calls that, “Business Class.” –Jimmy Fallon

It's alleged that almost 100 athletes are suspected of using banned substances in the 2008 and 2012 Olympics. And they suspect many athletes this year, too, because anyone who wants to go to the Rio Olympics has to be on drugs. –James Corden

Ninety-eight athletes in the last two Olympics are suspected of doping, or as it's technically called, "wanting it more." –James Corden

At this point, they should just make peeing in a cup into an Olympic sport. Just let everyone do drugs. Everyone doing drugs is a fair playing field. What's more exciting than a nine-second 100-meter dash? A three-second 100-meter dash. –James Corden

While the orange bastard continues to lead the GOP polls

A skydiver uploaded a video of himself yesterday jumping out of a plane and solving a Rubik’s cube during free fall. And to prove that he actually solved it, the funeral was open casket. –Seth Meyers

A new fish species called the “blue bastard” was discovered in Australia this week. While the orange bastard continues to lead the GOP polls. –Seth Meyers

With all the talk about the presidential race, it's easy to forget that we're still 14 months from Election Day. Which means we're just nine years away from the end of the Trump presidency. –Stephen Colbert