A 10 percent approval rating is about the same approval rating that rabies has (The rest is in your head)

"Mitt Romney said he wants to cut funding for things like Amtrak and PBS, both of which are subsidized by the government. I don't like the idea of cutting funds for PBS. Things are bad enough already. One of the Muppets is living in a garbage can." –Jimmy Kimmel

"A new Gallup poll shows that only 1 in 10 Americans approve of the job Congress is doing. A 10 percent approval rating is about the same approval rating that rabies has." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He is well on his way to winning the White House (just because of their privates)

"New Defense Secretary Ashton Carter said that he is open to letting transgender people serve in the military. He said there's no reason to prevent people from being generals just because of their privates." –Jimmy Fallon

"Jeb Bush gave a speech yesterday. He had a pretty rough time. He accidentally said that ISIS has 200,000 men instead of 20,000, and then he mispronounced the name of the terrorist group Boko Haram. So if history has taught us anything, Jeb is well on his way to winning the White House." –Jimmy Fallon

"Congress is considering a law that would allow commuters to bring their dogs and cats on Amtrak trains. It's all part of their plan to make Amtrak smell better." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the other 18 percent weren't home when the question was asked (exactly what you need to know)

"Levi Johnston is planning to run for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. He really is trying as hard as he can to get shot by Sarah Palin, isn't he?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"A new poll shows that disapproval of Congress is at an all-time high. Eighty-two percent of Americans disapprove of the job Congress is doing and the other 18 percent weren't home when the question was asked." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Mitt Romney said he wants to cut funding for things like Amtrak and PBS, both of which are subsidized by the government. I don't like the idea of cutting funds for PBS. Things are bad enough already. One of the Muppets is living in a garbage can." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When a clown and a serial killer love each other very much (It's all part of their plan to make Amtrak smell better)

"Jeb Bush gave a speech yesterday. He had a pretty rough time. He accidentally said that ISIS has 200,000 men instead of 20,000, and then he mispronounced the name of the terrorist group Boko Haram. So if history has taught us anything, Jeb is well on his way to winning the White House." –Jimmy Fallon

"Congress is considering a law that would allow commuters to bring their dogs and cats on Amtrak trains. It's all part of their plan to make Amtrak smell better." –Jimmy Fallon

"New Defense Secretary Ashton Carter said that he is open to letting transgender people serve in the military. He said there's no reason to prevent people from being generals just because of their privates." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That was some weird **** (Puppets)

"Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is coming to New York to address the United Nations, but many restaurants say they won't serve him. You can tell which ones because their signs read, 'No shirt, no shoes, no Holocaust, no service.'" --Conan O'Brien

Anyone go out and buy Hillary Clinton's book yet? Everyone is talking about it. She has some pretty interesting revelations in that book. Hillary Clinton in her book said that after Trump's inauguration speech, George W. Bush told her, "That was some weird ****." That's true. It's being called the most eloquent statement ever made by George W. Bush. I can't believe he said that. They're going to carve that into his library. On the wall. –Conan O’Brien

"The Senate just passed a bill allowing Amtrak passengers to carry guns in their checked luggage. However, folks, Greyhound passengers are still not allowed to carry deodorant." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And a lot of people don't realize, the "J" stands for Jamal (Make Jobs, Not War)

One of the things I've been enjoying most about the convention, almost everyone refers to him as Donald J. Trump, like there's another one running around. But I've thoroughly enjoyed everyone saying it. The "J" is a big thing. And a lot of people don't realize, the "J" stands for Jamal. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Donald Trump told CNN he may consider getting back into the presidential race. He said he has to mull it over, comb it over, and he'll go from there." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Mitt Romney said he wants to cut funding for things like Amtrak and PBS, both of which are subsidized by the government. I don't like the idea of cutting funds for PBS. Things are bad enough already. One of the Muppets is living in a garbage can." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only war zone you see on Amtrak is the bathroom (Peppa Potato)

March 2022

“More troubling news from Ukraine, starting with the Russian-occupied southern city of Melitopol, where the new ‘not-really-mayor’ told residents that the city would broadcast Russian state television so people could ‘get accurate information’. Yes, they’ll be treated to accurate Russian stories like ‘despite how you feel, you are happy,’ and they can watch the popular Russian state children’s program ‘Peppa Potato.’” —Stephen Colbert 

“Earlier this week, leaders from Poland, the Czech Republic and Slovenia were in Kyiv to express solidarity with Ukraine. Because of the conflict, the leaders arrived by train. Wow, the trains are still running there? European train service is so much better than ours. The only war zone you see on Amtrak is the bathroom.” —Stephen Colbert 

“Marina Ovsyannikova, a producer and editor for Russian state television, burst onto a nightly news broadcast with a sign protesting the war in Ukraine. The sign read, in part, ‘Don’t believe the propaganda. They’re lying to you here.’ That is a fantastic sign and a brave statement. I only have one bone to pick: ‘they’re lying to you here’ is already the motto of crypto.com. Following her protest, Ovsyannikova wasn’t heard from for hours, but the Washington Post confirmed Tuesday that she was alive and wouldn’t be charged by the Kremlin for illegal speech. She was, however, found guilty of organizing an illegal protest and fined 30,000 rubles. To which she said, ‘oh thank god, I thought you were going to ask for money.’” —Stephen Colbert 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess it does sound better than 'Oopsies.' (No, you take a bite first)

"Congress is considering a law that would allow commuters to bring their dogs and cats on Amtrak trains. It's all part of their plan to make Amtrak smell better." –Jimmy Fallon

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un invited South Korean officials to dinner. It was described as two hours of "You take a bite." "No, you take a bite first." --Jimmy Fallon

"Karl Rove's new memoir, 'Courage and Consequence,' is coming out next week. Not sure if 'Courage and Consequence' is how most people would describe the Bush years, but I guess it does sound better than 'Oopsies.'" –Jimmy Fallon

In April, the White House will host France's President Macron for his first state dinner. Or as Trump has been telling people, "We're having macaroons for dinner." --Jimmy Fallon

Well, you guys, the 2020 presidential campaign is already starting to heat up and I read that, so far, five Democratic candidates have come out in favor of legalizing weed. Which is why the first debate will be held at 2:00 am inside a Taco Bell. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's a great plan until everyone looks up and sees the blimps (One of the Muppets is living in a garbage can)

August 2012

"The White House just revealed that it brews its own beer and President Obama drinks it when out campaigning. And even more of it when Joe Biden goes out campaigning." –Jimmy Fallon

"The U.S. military is sending surveillance blimps to monitor the U.S. border with Mexico. It's a great plan until everyone looks up and sees the blimps." –Jimmy Fallon

"Mitt Romney said he wants to cut funding for things like Amtrak and PBS, both of which are subsidized by the government. I don't like the idea of cutting funds for PBS. Things are bad enough already. One of the Muppets is living in a garbage can." –Jimmy Kimmel

"A new Gallup poll shows that only 1 in 10 Americans approve of the job Congress is doing. A 10 percent approval rating is about the same approval rating that rabies has." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Willie's first piece of advice, use chapter one to roll a joint (choo-choo go bye-bye)

"Last night in only his second Oval Office address, President Obama announced the end of Operation Iraqi Freedom. He said we have given the Iraqis a Western-style government. Well, we certainly have, haven't we? Their economy is in shambles, their Congress is corrupt, the country is broke, welcome aboard!" –Jay Leno

"At the White House yesterday, President Obama told Israelis and Palestinians to reach a peace deal because they might not get another chance soon. That's not really a peace plan. That's how you get a 5-year-old to use the bathroom." –Jimmy Fallon

USA Today reports that Willie Nelson has written an advice book. Willie's first piece of advice, use chapter one to roll a joint. --Conan O’Brien

The Bush administration announced the other day that it doesn't want the federal government to run Amtrak anymore. As it was explained to President Bush, choo-choo go bye-bye. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Willie's first piece of advice, use chapter one to roll a joint (choo-choo go bye-bye)

President Bush was spotted carrying around a book and he told reporters he started reading the book four months ago. Apparently he still hasn't found Waldo. --Conan O’Brien 5/13/2005

The Bush administration announced the other day that it doesn't want the federal government to run Amtrak anymore. As it was explained to President Bush, choo-choo go bye-bye. --Conan O’Brien 5/8/2003

USA Today reports that Willie Nelson has written an advice book. Willie's first piece of advice, use chapter one to roll a joint. --Conan O’Brien 7/20/2005

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

that was back when Bush's speeches were written by jazz legend Wynton Marsalis (Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots)

"A new book that's coming out about former President George W. Bush said that Bush once called Barack Obama 'a cat' with 'no clue.' Of course that was back when Bush's speeches were written by jazz legend Wynton Marsalis." --Conan O'Brien

"Big story. Earlier today, President Obama said that he's dropping President Bush's plan for a missile defense shield. Obama is also dropping President Bush's plan to build an elite army of Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots." --Conan O'Brien

"The Senate just passed a bill allowing Amtrak passengers to carry guns in their checked luggage. However, folks, Greyhound passengers are still not allowed to carry deodorant." --Conan O'Brien 

"Today, what else is going on? Former Vice President Dick Cheney underwent minor surgery on his back. The doctor told Cheney it's a simple operation, he'd be up and having heart surgery in no time." --Conan O'Brien

"Of course, you all saw this. This is what I'm talking about. Kayne West at the Video Music Awards. Kayne West interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech. And after he did that, after he was done interrupting her, MTV threw him out of the building. So it's official. MTV has a lower tolerance for bad behavior than the United States Congress." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If they bring Larry Flynt to talk about your future, you have no future! (Bed of Lies)

"The escort service that sent Eliot Spitzer this hooker on the train from New York to Washington -- this was in the paper yesterday -- told her he might ask for something that wasn't safe. He already did. He put her on Amtrak." --Jay Leno

"Last night on CNN, they brought out the publisher of Hustler magazine, Larry Flynt -- you know Larry Flynt -- to talk about Eliot Spitzer's future. Let me tell you something, okay? If they bring Larry Flynt to talk about your future, you have no future!" --Jay Leno

"Taking over for Governor Spitzer will be the lieutenant governor, David Paterson, who is legally blind. Interesting. Once again, I don't think President Bush really understands the situation. In fact, when he heard 'legally blind,' he said, 'I love that movie.'" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

the difference between a Democratic and a Republican sex scandal (Axis of Evil)

"Here's one that is kind of cute. Eliot Spitzer would get the hookers, the call girls, the prostitutes, and he would run them down, put them on the train, Amtrak. Like they need more publicity. And he'd run them down to Washington, DC, and they'd check into a beautiful suite and have the rendezvous at a place called the Mayflower Hotel. Now that's the difference between a Democratic and a Republican sex scandal. The Republicans have their rendezvous at an airport men's room." --David Letterman

"Do you know what the highest paid government position in this country is? Anybody know? It is working under New York Governor Eliot Spitzer. It pays like $5,000 an hour." --Jay Leno

"As I'm sure you know by now, New York Governor Eliot Spitzer has admitted that he was involved in a prostitution ring. Now this is the same man who when he was attorney general went after the prostitution ring. So apparently, it was for not giving him good service." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants (c*ck fights)

"A Senate committee on Thursday approved a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, apparently forgetting that our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants." --Tina Fey

"Kenyan Muslims believe that a five-and-a-half pound tuna caught in the Indian Ocean off the coast of Mombasa, carries a message from Allah written among its scales. In a related story, this doctor [shows a picture of Bill Frist] doesn't think doesn't think condoms stop AIDS. And that's this week's edition of 'Religion Gone Nuts.'" --Tina Fey

  

"Many governors of northeastern states are unwilling to volunteer their National Guard troops to assist with President Bush's border plan. They want the Guard troops doing what they do best: freaking people out at Amtrak stations." --Amy Poehler

"A Louisiana state Senate committee unanimously approved a ban on cock fighting, in what appears to be a first step in outlawing gay marriage." --Amy Poehler

eight-pound block of peanut brittle

Chris Christie was kicked out of the Amtrak quiet car for making too much noise. Christie said it wasn’t him that was making the noise, it was his eight-pound block of peanut brittle. –Conan O’Brien

A cracker that survived the sinking of the Titanic sold today for $23,000. Experts say the 100-year-old Titanic cracker pairs very well with any hot dog from 7-Eleven. –Conan O’Brien

There is a new innovation poised to change life as we know it. Domino's Pizza has invented a delivery car with a pizza oven built inside of it. –James Corden

When I was a kid I was the wolf man every year. Every year I would put on a flannel shirt and glue some hair to my face and I was the wolf man. Now you can't get away with that. Nowadays you let your kid wear the same costume seven years in a row you will get a visit from Child Protective Services. –Jimmy Kimmel

In front of all of you capitalist pigs

"Congress is considering a law that would allow commuters to bring their dogs and cats on Amtrak trains. It's all part of their plan to make Amtrak smell better." –Jimmy Fallon

"I had an amazing experience in Cuba. People there are fantastic. But I do have to say it's very nice to be back home in front of all of you capitalist pigs."-Conan O'Brien





"President Obama has appointed a new head of the Secret Service. The new Secret Service director was so excited that he jumped over the White House fence for joy."–Conan O'Brien



One of the Muppets is living in a garbage can

"Donald Trump says he has a big surprise in store for everybody at the Republican National Convention this year - a surprise he says people will love. So apparently he's not going." –Jay Leno 

"Mitt Romney said he wants to cut funding for things like Amtrak and PBS, both of which are subsidized by the government. I don't like the idea of cutting funds for PBS. Things are bad enough already. One of the Muppets is living in a garbage can." –Jimmy Kimmel



"A new Gallup poll shows that only 1 in 10 Americans approve of the job Congress is doing. A 10 percent approval rating is about the same approval rating that rabies has." –Jimmy Kimmel

John Hulse painting