he's a follower of the bearded radical from the Middle East (the strategic use of beer)

"Congratulations to Barack Obama -- he has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Apparently, the Nobel committee wanted to recognize the president's fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer. " --Jay Leno

"Yesterday President Obama told voters that he's a Christian. But you see how Fox News reported it? They said Obama admits he's a follower of the bearded radical from the Middle East." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump's war on America (please God let him be talking about a chocolate Easter Bunny)

I feel the same way about slaves as I do about shirts with flame patterns on them. I don't want to be friends with anyone who owns either of them. —Norm Macdonald

I was in a line today and I hear the guy behind me say, ‘I like to start by biting the ears off’ and I had to pray, please God let him be talking about a chocolate Easter Bunny. —Norm Macdonald

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

no one asked the cow to do that (Unfortunately, most of them work at Chipotle)

A farm in Ohio has the words “NO TRUMP” written so large in cow manure that it can be seen by overhead planes. The craziest part — no one asked the cow to do that. –Seth Meyers

According to a recent survey, 15 percent of Americans have admitted to cooking in the nude. Unfortunately, most of them work at Chipotle. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Awww, did someone run out of kidnapped slave labor? (the worst thing that could have happened to a Chinese spy)

So Bill and Hillary Clinton skipped their depositions before the House Oversight Committee regarding Jeffrey Epstein. But this isn't the first time Hillary left someone hanging. —Greg Gutfeld

Jin Xiaawi, a US Navy sailor, was convicted of spying for China and sentenced to 16 years in prison, which is far better than the worst thing that could have happened to a Chinese spy. Sex with Eric Swallwell. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, no spoilers! (trying to stop him from eating the pieces)

Today is National Take Your Parents to Lunch Day. Or as it’s also known, National Apologize to the Waiter Day. –Seth Meyers

Researchers have recently found that binge-watching TV shows can raise the risk of chronic disease and early death. Said binge-watchers, “Hey, no spoilers!” –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, said this morning that Republicans should decide whether or not they support Donald Trump and “stop pussyfooting around.” That’s the worst choice of words since Abraham Lincoln said, “I need slavery like I need a hole in the head.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So leave a duffel bag full of Krugerrands by the front door (cementing South Dakota's status as party capital of the U.S.)

They were keeping a spare podium open for Joe Biden in case he decided to enter the race at the last minute, as if he's going to walk in and shock everyone like a Spanish soap opera or something. You can't just leave an empty podium with a mic on stage like that. That's like an open invitation to Kanye West to jump on stage. –Jimmy Kimmel

​​“And then, with all this talk of the Bidens inappropriately profiting from public office, the White House today announced that the United States will host the next G-7 summit at the Trump Doral golf resort in Miami. For real. The president is generously renting his golf club out to all the leaders of the world. Because of course he is. He doesn’t care anymore. He’s just like, ‘Yeah, you know what, we’re hosting it at my golf resort. And guess what? A round of golf’s a million bucks — that doesn’t include cart, and we’re tripling the room rates! So leave a duffel bag full of Krugerrands by the front door.’” --Jimmy Kimmel

The Santee Sioux Tribe is getting ready to open what they call America's first marijuana resort, further cementing South Dakota's status as party capital of the U.S. They claim this will be the first marijuana resort, but there are already thousands of marijuana resorts in this country. They're called colleges. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which is also the last time they cleaned their microwaves (In a related story, Nancy Pelosi just went into hiding)

7-Eleven turned 98 today on 7-Eleven and they gave away free slurpies. They started this tradition in 2002, which is also the last time they cleaned their microwaves. —Greg Gutfeld

A new chemical process could break down 90% of plastic in just 30 minutes. In a related story, Nancy Pelosi just went into hiding? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

El Capitan Cruncho (North Pole, Alaska)

"The Christmas-themed town of North Pole, Alaska, has officially approved marijuana dispensaries. So don't expect your presents from Santa until next April." –Conan O'Brien

"This morning in Washington, President Bush attended the 6th Annual Hispanic Prayer Breakfast. At the breakfast, President Bush showed off his Spanish by ordering 'El Capitan Cruncho.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The secret ingredient is slavery (truffle farms)

Surgeon general pick Casey Means once claimed she used magic mushrooms to help find love, which is different from Joy Behar who was hired by a truffle farm to find mushrooms. —Greg Gutfeld

The Taliban in Afghanistan has banned chess due to fears the game is a source of gambling. The good news is though they're still totally okay with pin the tail on the donkey that you plan to have sex with. —Greg Gutfeld

Scientists say the universe is decaying much more rapidly than previously expected. Experts say to make it seem longer watch Fox at 8:00 p.m. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

we're referring to her skills as a gardener (beating out their usual choice, the dentist)

Jasmine Crockett claimed her Hot Wheels remark about Texas Governor Greg Abbott wasn't about his wheelchair. Yeah, and when we call her a lousy hoe we're referring to her skills as a gardener. —Greg Gutfeld

The British media are claiming that JD Vance is the most dangerous man in the world, beating out their usual choice, the dentist. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He let everyone know via Amber alert (1.42 billion wings)

Former New York congressman and convicted sex offender Anthony Weiner is considering a run for city council. He let everyone know via Amber alert. —Greg Gutfeld

Michigan State Representative, Laurie Pohutsky said in order to protest Trump's victory that she sterilized herself so she can’t have kids. Also keeping her sterile, every man’s eyes. —Greg Gutfeld

According to to the National Chicken Council, Americans will eat 1.42 billion wings while watching the Super Bowl. 1.5 billion if you count JB Pritzker. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Imagine how much they could do if we got rid of all of them? (catching tuna that are getting 35 miles per gallon)

"BP — they are spending $50 million on an advertisement budget to try and put a PR spin on this whole thing. Like, you hear what they said today? This is unbelievable. They said fishermen down there are catching tuna that are getting 35 miles per gallon." –Jay Leno

"The payroll tax extension passed the House and Senate by unanimous consent. This was a procedural move allowing it to pass, even though most members of congress were already home for the holidays. They weren't even there! Only 12 people out of 535 were there and they got it done. Imagine how much they could do if we got rid of all of them?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

we've had presidents show up to the inauguration with pregnant slaves (But Trump don't know that)

The presidency of the United States is not the most dignified job in the world. You know, we've had presidents show up to the inauguration with pregnant slaves. And I'm just talking about Bill Clinton. —Chris Rock

I have real condolences for, you know, the health care CEO. I mean, this is a real person, you know? But you also got to go, You know, sometimes drug dealers get shot. —Chris Rock

When it comes to immigration, Trump isn’t playing around. J. Lo is going to marry Ben Affleck again just so she can stay in the country. I know she's not Mexican. But Trump don't know that. —Chris Rock

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In other news, the new Bush presidential library just purchased its first 800,000 books (Come on, it's not like he's the CEO of Exxon)

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney is in the news. Cheney slammed President Obama for bowing before the emperor of Japan. Cheney said, 'Come on, it's not like he's the CEO of Exxon.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Former President George W. Bush's new memoir has already sold 800,000 copies. In other news, the new Bush presidential library just purchased its first 800,000 books." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, obviously, there’s no guarantee I’ll be arrested, but it’s an honor just to be nominated (I just want you to know, I voted for you)

An article in Rolling Stone said that while Donald Trump was president, he tried to persuade Justice Department officials to use campaign finance laws and equal-time broadcast regulations to rule that anti-Trump jokes on late-night shows were illegal. Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel were among those on Trump’s list of targets. Finally, I made an enemies list! I mean, obviously, there’s no guarantee I’ll be arrested, but it’s an honor just to be nominated. —Stephen Colbert

“I’m now imagining me and all the other late-night hosts in prison together like the mobsters in ‘Goodfellas.’ I’m stirring the sauce, Colbert’s slicing the garlic with a razor blade.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“No doubt it’ll all be decided this weekend in Los Angeles — whoever wins the Emmy for best talk show will be sent to a camp: ‘And the gulag goes to …’ So, to my old colleague Jon Stewart, I just want you to know, I voted for you.” — Stephen Colbert

“How would this work for Jon Stewart? Would he only go to jail on Mondays?” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What a genius, he'll be missed (At number two, Ezra)

And in music news number one on the college charts this summer was the band Better Than Ezra. At number two, Ezra. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

"George Bush says we are losing the War on Drugs. You know what that implies? There's a war being fought and people on drugs are winning it!" – Bill Hicks

Dr. James Watts, a neurosurgeon who performed the first frontal lobotomy died this week in Washington. If you recall, a lobotomy involves drilling holes in the skull and then inserting and rotating a knife to destroy brain cells. What a genius, he'll be missed. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In the NBC/Wall Street Journal poll, among African Americans, President Bush's approval rating is 2 percent (good luck getting anyone to believe that one)

 The big story from Washington today is that President Bush may have lied to investigators about the CIA leak. The theory is that President Bush may have been playing dumb. Well good luck getting anyone to believe that one." --Jay Leno

"President Bush, not looking good. His approval rating is down to 38. 38! That's lower than Dick Cheney's pulse. In fact, his approval rating is so low he's actually eligible for FEMA assistance now. And It gets worse. According to the new NBC/Wall Street Journal poll, among African Americans, President Bush's approval rating is 2 percent. You know who the 2 percent are? Condoleezza Rice and Clarence Thomas." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

He perhaps achieved this support by standing still while his opponent repeatedly quotes Hitler (I’d say you have three-fifths of a brain)

It’s like we’re watching a rerun of 2020 with Trump v Biden once again. While Trump has been leading in many polls, a new one has Biden out on top with 50% of voters. It is some good news in an otherwise depressing reality. It's like finding some punch in a turd bowl. Biden perhaps achieved this support by standing still while his opponent repeatedly quotes Hitler. —Stephen Colbert

This week saw Trump’s Republican rival Nikki Haley appear on The Breakfast Show, saying that while racism exists in the US, it is not a racist country and wasn’t founded as such. If you think America was not founded as a racist country, I’d say you have three-fifths of a brain. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Where do I know that guy from... (Drapetomania)

President Trump actually has two cell phones that his staff nicknamed “Trump One” and “Trump Two.” Sounds a little like something out of a Dr. Seuss book. Trump wrote his own Dr. Seuss book about himself. We got a copy. Check this out [shows illustrated book]. It says, “The day was beginning, I rolled up my sleeves, I put on my tie that goes past my knees. Too cold to go out, too hyper to snooze, so I sat in the house and binge-watched Fox News. I ate some McDonald’s, I ate KFC, I ate more McDonald’s and more KFC. I went to the doctor, he said everything’s fine. But even I doubt I weigh 239.” --Jimmy Fallon

And it seems like there's no end in sight to the shutdown. You can tell Trump's desperate to get money for his wall, 'cause earlier today, he proposed to Jeff Bezos. --Jimmy Fallon

But this morning, Eric Trump went on “Fox & Friends” and passionately defended his father. While at home, the president was like, “Where do I know that guy from...” --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”