NHL: Washington Capitals vs Philadelphia Flyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s fun to have a video of the exact moment you lost your campaign (Me next, uppy, uppy!)

During a campaign rally on Saturday, Vivek Ramaswamy, who is running for governor of Ohio, struggled to lift a boy into the air, letting the child slip back to the ground before regaining his grip. It’s fun to have a video of the exact moment you lost your campaign. — Jimmy Fallon

“It got worse when Trump was like, ‘Me next, uppy, uppy!’” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Awww, did someone run out of kidnapped slave labor? (the worst thing that could have happened to a Chinese spy)

So Bill and Hillary Clinton skipped their depositions before the House Oversight Committee regarding Jeffrey Epstein. But this isn't the first time Hillary left someone hanging. —Greg Gutfeld

Jin Xiaawi, a US Navy sailor, was convicted of spying for China and sentenced to 16 years in prison, which is far better than the worst thing that could have happened to a Chinese spy. Sex with Eric Swallwell. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

so many great things have happened so fast (sucking face)

And finally research suggests that exposure to micro-plastics can increase the risk of diabetes and stroke. So some are already advising against using plastic water bottles, food containers and sucking face with Nancy Pelosi. —Greg Gutfeld

Since January 20th so many great things have happened so fast. The borders have been closed, fugitives have been caught, egg and gas prices have plummeted and Rosie O'Donnell moved to Ireland. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hillary, as always, closed with “Thunder Road.” (strategic bladder reserves)

In Philadelphia, Hillary Clinton held a huge rally in front of Independence Hall with Bruce Springsteen. Bruce talked about global warming and trade policy. Hillary, as always, closed with “Thunder Road.” –Stephen Colbert

"The MTA reported that Sandy flooded seven subway tunnels under the East River, which means it could be weeks before they're able to restore the scent of urine. That's why I'm calling on New York drunks to head into the subway and release their strategic bladder reserves." –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

supermodel times ten (Kevin and Linda)

NASCAR released a statement today calling for the removal of the Confederate flag from the South Carolina capitol. Released a statement? They should have sent a pit crew. That thing would be down in under nine seconds. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump thanked crowds in Phoenix for their support this weekend, saying, “I feel like a supermodel, except like times ten.” By the way, “supermodel times ten” is also his spray tan setting. –Seth Meyers

The big day finally arrived. Beyoncé gave birth to twins this weekend. And this is surprising: Their names are Kevin and Linda. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, it’s called delegating, bud (guy with resting divorce face)

Donald Trump’s cabinet picks for his second term. Now that Matt Gaetz has dropped out to try to find the high school from Euphoria, there is a new nominee for shadiest nominee. That would be Pete Hegseth, Trump’s pick for secretary of defense and a “guy with resting divorce face”. —Ronny Chieng

The latest scandal for the Fox News host with no department of defense experience: a New Yorker report on how he was forced to step down from a veterans’ non-profit board due to alcohol abuse, sexual misconduct and mishandling the group’s money. Ok, that’s a lot for one person. Alcohol, sex and financial misconduct? I mean, it’s called delegating, bud. Try it sometime. —Ronny Chieng

How could someone do so many bad things at the same time? Like not only are you drinking and harassing women, you’ve also got to find time to suck at QuickBooks? —Ronny Chieng

“Apparently, the reports of the drinky-drink are making Trump doing the thinky-think, because word is Trump’s support for Hegseth is teetering, much like Pete Hegseth at a staff meeting.” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's less of an accomplishment after NASA admitted they sort of forgot he was up there (selling lies for the ruling class)

Chris Christie just vetoed a proposal to boost New Jersey’s minimum wage to $15 an hour. Then fast food workers said, “After all we've done for you?” –Jimmy Fallon

Astronaut Jeffrey Williams just set the U.S. record for most days in space, reaching the milestone of 521 days. It's less of an accomplishment after NASA admitted they sort of forgot he was up there. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

All our buds, hit us up before the free weed's all ganja. Dank you. (selling lies for the ruling class)

But it's true -- a marijuana company is giving free weed to federal workers during the shutdown. Some people are questioning if free weed is really what these workers need. But a spokesman for the company released a statement, saying, quote, "We stand with all workers affected by the government shutdown." Then he added, "To be blunt, this is a sticky icky, icky situation that will only end with a joint resolution." He went on. He said, "We hope the pay freeze isn't chronic. It's not like these workers have cushy jobs. And we hope it ends for next Sunday's next big bowl." And finally he said, "All our buds, hit us up before the free weed's all ganja. Dank you." What a nice guy. --Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump's speech fell nine minutes short of breaking President Clinton's record for the longest State of the Union. And when he heard that, Trump grabbed the mic and spent 10 minutes reading the iTunes user agreement.  --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

US just finished dead last among 46 countries in media trust (choosing to just stay in the womb and chill)

Health officials say there’s a new trend of women using marijuana during their pregnancy. This has given rise to another new trend — babies choosing to just stay in the womb and chill. –Conan O’Brien

"A group of TSA agents has formed a choir to entertain travelers as they go through security. It's not helping that the only song they sing is Journey's 'Loving, Touching, Squeezing.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's a shame because children in China worked very hard to make those flags (It's Always Sunni in Philadelphia)

June 2014

"Today at the World Cup, Mexico and Brazil ended in a 0-0 tie. Fun fact: Both teams were ordered by their coaches to abstain from sex. In other words, these guys can't score on or off the field." –Conan O'Brien

"Protesters at the World Cup got into trouble for burning American flags. It's a shame because children in China worked very hard to make those flags." –Conan O'Brien

"This morning the Pentagon announced that the United States has captured a leader responsible for the Benghazi attacks. Republicans were ecstatic and said, 'So, they finally got Hillary?'" –Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, the Iranian president tweeted a picture of himself all alone watching a World Cup game on television. Yeah, then he watched his favorite show — 'It's Always Sunni in Philadelphia.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”