My fellow Armenians (a 10:00 shadow)

So, President Trump gave his State of the Union to Congress last night. Meanwhile, in Delaware, Joe Biden stood before a mailbox and said, "My fellow Armenians.” —Greg Gutfeld

At just under an hour and 48 minutes, Trump's speech was the longest State of the Union in American history. It was so long that Rashida Tlaib had a 10:00 shadow. It was so long Maxine Waters had to walk that thing on her head three times. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, no spoilers! (trying to stop him from eating the pieces)

Today is National Take Your Parents to Lunch Day. Or as it’s also known, National Apologize to the Waiter Day. –Seth Meyers

Researchers have recently found that binge-watching TV shows can raise the risk of chronic disease and early death. Said binge-watchers, “Hey, no spoilers!” –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, said this morning that Republicans should decide whether or not they support Donald Trump and “stop pussyfooting around.” That’s the worst choice of words since Abraham Lincoln said, “I need slavery like I need a hole in the head.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The secret ingredient is slavery (truffle farms)

Surgeon general pick Casey Means once claimed she used magic mushrooms to help find love, which is different from Joy Behar who was hired by a truffle farm to find mushrooms. —Greg Gutfeld

The Taliban in Afghanistan has banned chess due to fears the game is a source of gambling. The good news is though they're still totally okay with pin the tail on the donkey that you plan to have sex with. —Greg Gutfeld

Scientists say the universe is decaying much more rapidly than previously expected. Experts say to make it seem longer watch Fox at 8:00 p.m. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You wanna say that to my face?? (Ka-ching!)

Donald Trump's tax plan came out today, and it will significantly help wealthy people with children. Then Kim, Kylie and Khloe were like, "Ka-ching!" –Jimmy Fallon

President Trump watched the hearing while flying on Air Force One. You could tell it wasn't going well, 'cause mid-way through, Trump tried stepping outside to get some air. --Jimmy Fallon

A new study says that a lack of sleep can actually make you happier. When they heard that, new moms were like, "You wanna say that to my face??" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Divorced, beheaded, divorced, escaped. Zombie, lesbian, disappeared, inflatable (followed by a lifetime of . . . the same)

"The royal couple is finally heading to their honeymoon for two weeks of living in pampered luxury, followed by a lifetime of . . . the same." –Craig Ferguson

"We have as a guest tonight Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I’m going to ask the question that's on everyone’s mind: 'As a bishop, do you always have to move diagonally?'" –Craig Ferguson

"Larry King has been married more times than Henry the Eighth. We used to have that rhyme to keep track of them. 'Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.' With Larry I think it goes, 'Divorced, beheaded, divorced, escaped. Zombie, lesbian, disappeared, inflatable.'" –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of two evils, choose neither (Now I’m good at everything)

There is a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I love that name Futon World. It makes me think of a magical place that becomes less comfortable over time. --Demetri Martin

My computer beat me a chess but then I beat him at kickboxing. --Demetri Martin

I think batteries are the most traumatic objects of all the objects. Because other things they stop working or they break. The batteries? They die. “Why aren’t you using your walkman?” I can't, my batteries died in my lap this morning. The twins are gone.  --Demetri Martin

I used to compete in sports a lot but then I realized that you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything. --Demetri Martin

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Really? Because it sure didn't look that way at your inauguration (It's not a game)

Over 27,000 people attended Bernie Sanders' rally in Washington Square Park last night. Which is especially crazy, since Bernie only went to the park to play chess. –Seth Meyers

President Trump last night threatened to close the U.S.-Mexico border, adding, quote, "Our country is full." Really? Because it sure didn't look that way at your inauguration. --Seth Meyers

During last night's town hall, Ted Cruz talked about how his daughters often play a game with him, called “attack the daddy.” His daughter was like, "It's not a game." –Seth Meyers

"British Prime Minister David Cameron is facing criticism from working-class voters after he was caught on camera today eating a hot dog with a knife and fork. And he got criticism from wealthy voters because he used a hamburger fork." –Seth Meyers

"If Donald Trump loves America so much, why does he keep outsourcing the job of his wife?" –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The mark of an educated mind (that sounds like a fair trade)

My computer beat me a chess but then I beat him at kickboxing. --Demetri Martin

I think batteries are the most traumatic objects of all the objects. Because other things they stop working or they break. The batteries? They die. “Why aren’t you using your walkman?” I can't, my batteries died in my lap this morning. The twins are gone.  --Demetri Martin

I used to compete in sports a lot but then I realized that you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything. --Demetri Martin

I saw a sign that said watch for children, and I thought that sounds like a fair trade.  --Demetri Martin

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

she looks like Neo from "The Matrix" if he shopped at Talbots (eat all the pieces)

Things would be a lot easier for Trump if he still had Republicans in Congress to protect him. But now he has to deal with Democrats as they prepare to take control of the House. And right now Trump is fighting with them over the budget. Trump wants money for his border wall, and Nancy Pelosi has been adamant that he won't get it. And I'm just gonna guess, from looking at the two of them, that Pelosi is going to win. I mean, look at the two of them. He looks like he had a panic attack in a steam room, and she looks like Neo from "The Matrix" if he shopped at Talbots. --Seth Meyers

Trump's like a guy who gets checkmated in chess and says, "I was gonna say that." And then you'd say, "Why would you say that? You didn't checkmate me." Then he'd just eat all the pieces. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”