NHL: Toronto Maple Leafs vs Vancouver Canucks

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

the portrait turned out to be a mirror (we heard about it from the Chinese spy he banged)

A painting of President Trump at the Colorado State capital will will be taken down after he claimed it was deliberately distorted. Meanwhile Nancy Pelosi also complained about her portrait, but then the portrait turned out to be a mirror. —Greg Gutfeld

Democrat Congressman Eric Swalwell is still outraged that a reporter was accidentally included on the Signal app conversation between Trump officials. Yeah, we heard about it from the Chinese spy he banged. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

we're referring to her skills as a gardener (beating out their usual choice, the dentist)

Jasmine Crockett claimed her Hot Wheels remark about Texas Governor Greg Abbott wasn't about his wheelchair. Yeah, and when we call her a lousy hoe we're referring to her skills as a gardener. —Greg Gutfeld

The British media are claiming that JD Vance is the most dangerous man in the world, beating out their usual choice, the dentist. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To be hopeful in bad times (in a related story Kamala Harris just moved to Nevada)

Hillary Clinton weighed in on the signal story saying ‘you got to be kidding me,’ then she offered Pete Hegseth her hammer to smash his phone. —Greg Gutfeld

The Nevada legislature is considering a bill that would allow home delivery for cocktails. Yeah, in a related story Kamala Harris just moved to Nevada. —Greg Gutfeld

DOGE just discovered that the Small Business Association gave a 9-month-old baby a $100,000 loan. Now the kid's so worried he won't make the payments he sh*t his pants. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

NHL: Colorado Avalanche vs Vancouver Canucks

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Even sadder, he already had a son named Trevor (he took the bed)

An Australian man is making headlines after he started treating an abandoned shopping cart as his son, naming it Trevor and giving it a pair of sneakers. Even sadder, he already had a son named Trevor. –Seth Meyers

Officials in Japan have begun criticizing President Trump's state visit later this month following reports that Trump would be given a chair to sit on while attending a sumo-wrestling tournament rather than following the traditional custom of sitting on the floor. Hey, that's just how he is. When Melania gave birth, he took the bed. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

exactly nine months after the Chicago Cubs won the World Series (Well, I guess this is war)

Hospitals in Chicago have seen the number of baby deliveries double this month. Which would be remarkable, until you realize that's exactly nine months after the Chicago Cubs won the World Series. –James Corden

HBO recently announced that LeBron James will be hosting a new talk show set in a barbershop here in Los Angeles and it's called "The Shop." Yeah, LeBron James is getting a talk show. Well, I guess this is war. I have no choice now but to start up a side gig ... and become the greatest basketball player in the world. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth                                         

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know, like when he plays basketball (it's also how dermatologists describe my skin tone)

Apparently, LeBron James’ talk show is going to be him and four random guests you may or may not have heard of. You know, like when he plays basketball. --James Corden

An ice cream shop in Scotland has introduced a new flavor made with a very familiar ingredient. It's called Mayonnaise ice cream. Coincidentally, "Mayonnaise ice cream" is also how dermatologists describe my skin tone. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth                                         

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they do have a laugh track (Disturb the War)

“The Atlanta Falcons have been fined and lost a draft pick for using fake crowd noise through their loudspeaker system at the stadium. The New York Jets do not use fake crowd noise, but they do have a laugh track.”—David Letterman

"The Bush Presidential Library is beautiful, and they have a huge section devoted to weapons of mass destruction, but nobody can find it." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, a minute longer than I expected (she's worried if she quits she’ll be humiliated or, worse...)

Former President Donald Trump has been spending primary season balancing campaign events with court appearances. Trump testified as part of a defamation trial against him earlier in the day, where he defied the judge’s orders to answer questions with a “yes” or “no.” Which is fitting, because the whole trial is the result of Trump disregarding everything after ‘no.’ — Stephen Colbert

“He only lasted about three minutes. Then Stormy Daniels was, like, ‘Wow, a minute longer than I expected.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“Well, guys, as mentioned, Nikki Haley is refusing to drop out of the race, and Trump is still furious about it. Yep, Haley’s worried if she quits she’ll be humiliated or, worse, Trump’s V.P.” — Jimmy Fallon

“In a post on Truth Social, former President Trump said that anyone who donates to Nikki Haley’s campaign will be permanently barred from the MAGA camp. Wow, what does ‘barred from the MAGA camp’ even mean? Like, what, you’re not invited to the next insurrection?” — Jimmy Kimmel

“If you’re wondering what MAGA camp is, it’s like Boy Scout camp, except the badges are for things like tax evasion, election fraud, lying about your golf score.” — Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What is the opposite of a meeting of the minds? (Obama bad. No like.)

"They didn't invite Chris Christie, but they did invite Rick Perry and Sarah Palin – to answer the question, 'What is the opposite of a meeting of the minds?'" –Bill Maher

"Sarah Palin is getting ready for the big CPAC thing by writing words on her hand like "Obama bad. No like." And Rick Perry is getting ready by writing Rick Perry." –Bill Maher

"The big scandal is that CPAC did not invite the one most popular Republican in the country, Chris Christie, because apparently they're mad at him because during Hurricane Sandy, he hugged Obama. In their world, you're only allowed to touch a black person if he handed you a 7-wood and shot a hole in one." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Grandma got run over by... (Chumbawamba)

December 2022

“Here are some Christmas cards I have received. For instance, look at this. This is a card from Yankees superstar Aaron Judge. On the front, it says… ‘There’s no place like home for the holidays…’ Open it up, and it says… ‘Especially when staying home equals $360 Millies.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Here's a nice card I got from Elon Musk. It says… ‘Grandma got run over by a…’ Open it up, and it says… ‘Self-driving Tesla.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Here's a card from Herschel Walker. It says… ‘Merry Christmas! And to my Jewish friends, Happy…’ Open it up, and it says… ‘Chumbawamba.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

"War Poisons Everybody": Remembering Legendary Historian Howard Zinn on His 100th Birthday

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Officials in Colorado couldn't respond because they were too busy swimming in a pool of money (Crap, that's every state)

A couple in New York found a python inside a couch while they were cleaning out their new apartment. But on the bright side, at least now they can stop looking for their cat.--Jimmy Fallon

"Last night Hillary Clinton said she won't support legalizing recreational marijuana until we see how it goes in Colorado. Officials in Colorado couldn't respond because they were too busy swimming in a pool of money." –Jimmy Fallon

Today, officials from 22 states demanded that Donald Trump stop separating immigrant families. Yep, 22 states. When Trump heard that, he was like, "Crap, that's every state." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's earned it. The guy's been up since 2004 (Is that a side effect of crack?)

May 2014

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is apparently back smoking the crack. There is a picture of him smoking the crack and a videotape is out as well. Is there a videotape out there of him not smoking crack?" –David Letterman

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford announced he's taking a leave of absence to deal with issues related to substance abuse. A video was reportedly shot by his drug dealer. The guy is constantly being taped but never seems to notice the cameras. Is that a side effect of crack?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Toronto mayor Rob Ford has decided to take a leave of absence to seek help. Specifically what he's seeking help with is getting more crack." –Conan O'Brien 

"After rumors surfaced of another video of him smoking crack, Rob Ford said he's taking a leave of absence, and of course he's earned it. The guy's been up since 2004." –Conan O'Brien

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford announced today that he is checking into rehab. He said he entered rehab this week to deal with the problem swiftly — and also because Monday is Cinco de Mayo, and he ain't missing that." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was just a beautiful day to kick back, enjoy the sun, and burn our throats to dust with endless screaming (laying eggs)

May 2022

“A leaked supreme court draft opinion that would overturn Roe v Wade, allowing states – currently over 20 – to ban abortion, has been made public. It was just a beautiful day to kick back, enjoy the sun, and burn our throats to dust with endless screaming. 

The 98-page opinion by Justice Samuel Alito, while not official, is basically a trailer for how fucking horrible life is to become for a lot of people. The opinion is infuriating not just for the rights it strips away but for Alito citing a shithead from the goddamn 17th century who defended marital rape and had women executed for witchcraft. Or, as more than half of the supreme court calls that: not far enough. 

And that’s not even the oldest weird shit Alito cites. His ass goes all the way back to abortion law in the 13th century. I think we can limit precedents that control human bodies to after the same century that Genghis Khan did his thing. Given that the majority of Americans support abortion access, it was no surprise that people took to the streets in light of Roe’s likely demise, and even less surprisingly, it took no time at all for conservatives to recast themselves as the real victims. 

Republican leaders Mitch McConnell, Sean Hannity and Marco Rubio are calling for civility: Pardon me, but in my civilest way possible, may I humbly request that you fuck the fuck off?! How dare Republicans demand civility as they strip away our civil rights. When Susan Collins gets a sidewalk full of bubble letter chalk, she is not the victim. When Amy Coney Barrett’s tacky-ass McMansion is visited by a pack of roaming handmaids, she is not the victim. 

The real victims, she continued, will be the people who live in the 26 states that will ban abortion if Roe v Wade is overturned, the people who could be prosecuted for providing a procedure, poor people and people of color who will depressingly bear the greatest brunt of reproductive decisions made by men who, as best as I can tell, believe women lay eggs.” —Samantha Bee

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's like Godzilla with less foreign policy experience (disturbing the war)

Donald Trump was declared the big winner in the South Carolina primary by himself weeks ago, and the voters said, "Yeah! OK! That sounds good!" So now the obvious question is, will he ever not win? Yes, Trump is unstoppable. He's like Godzilla with less foreign policy experience. –Stephen Colbert

This week, it came out that one of Trump’s Mar-a-Lago buddies wrote him a policy pitch for the Department of Veterans Affairs, to which Trump responded, “Affairs? I’m In. In fact, I’m a veteran.” --Stephen Colbert

“President Trump claimed that he was doing the best he could with the cards he was dealt. Yes, some idiot disbanded Obama’s pandemic response team. We should really look into whoever was after President Obama, ’cause that guy screwed the pooch. Which, by the way, is another way the virus can spread.” —Stephen Colbert

For the first time ever, Trump indicated that he is open to a path to citizenship for Dreamers. Finally, a way for immigrants to become citizens without having to marry Donald Trump. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What really bothers them is that we are disturbing the war (First Date)

March 2014

"Thirty Democratic senators held an all-night 'talkathon' on the floor of the Senate last night to highlight the impacts of climate change. Yeah, 14 hours of climate change talk — or as Al Gore calls that, 'a first date.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"A barber shop in Colorado is refusing to serve anybody who smells like marijuana. Today they went out of business." –Conan O'Brien

"In Denver this week they're hosting a marijuana job fair. Who will be attending? Companies that want to hire stoners and stoners who want to work. So I don't think anyone's going, really." –Craig Ferguson

"A marijuana job fair? Is TV-watching a job?" –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey! What’s that word mean? (What really bothers them...)

January 2022

During a senate committee hearing Dr. Anthony Fauci was heard on a hot mic calling senator Roger Marshall a moron. Replied Marshall, ‘Hey! What’s that word mean?’ —Colin Jost

Delta Airlines said that this winter’s Covid surge cost them more than $400 in cancelled flights after 8,000 employees caught the coronavirus. Which would never happen to Spirit Airlines employees, because when you fly Spirit, they keep the windows open. —Colin Jost

Well, just like everyone else, President Biden’s New Year’s resolution feel apart in the third week in January. The Supreme Court struck down his vaccine mandate, the voting rights bill got blocked and his approval rating is so low it has gone into power save mode. But I will point out that there was another president who had a disastrous start to his first term, yet he became an inspiration to generations of republicans even to this day. I’m talking, of course, about Jefferson Davis. President of the confederacy, and there are still statues of him in ten states. Which, come to think of it, probably explain why the voting rights stuff isn’t working out. The bottom line is, I think Biden just needs more time. He might be more of an acquired taste. And unfortunately, most Americans recently lost their sense of taste. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

He likes long walks on the beach, giant hats, and the music of Coldplay (Pope Classic)

March 2013

“The new Pope, Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, is now Pope Francis the 1st. ‘Francis’ was not his first choice for a name. But the Vatican wisely talked him out of ‘Pope Boo Boo.’” –Craig Ferguson

“What do we know about Pope Francis? Well, he's 76 years old. He's a former archbishop, and he likes long walks on the beach, giant hats, and the music of Coldplay.” –Craig Ferguson

“The last Pope, Pope Benedict, will now be known as Pope Classic.” –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”