which is perfect for any refugees who are seeking asylum and maybe a Slim Jim (It’s pride of ownership. It’s his baby!)

Today Donald Trump chose Rex Tillerson, Exxon Mobil CEO, as his secretary of state. I assume from now on, all gas stations are official U.S. embassies, which is perfect for any refugees who are seeking asylum and maybe a Slim Jim. –Stephen Colbert

Rex Tillerson is an interesting pick. For one thing, he’s an oil man who believes in climate change. Well, of course he believes in it! He’s from Exxon — he INVENTED it. It’s pride of ownership. It’s his baby! –Stephen Colbert

This morning, the president-elect met at Trump Tower with Kanye West. You can tell it was a high-powered meeting because Kanye wore his formal sweat suit. Obviously, it’s a security risk gathering the two most powerful American narcissists in the same room. Just for security reasons, they had to keep Shia LeBeouf in an undisclosed location for continuity of government. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Nothing to see here (does Caitlyn Jenner get two gifts)

Attorney General Letitia James claims President Trump is having her watched. It could be worse, he could be having her weighed. —Greg Gutfeld

Yesterday of course was Mother's Day and next month it's Father's Day, which raises the question does Caitlyn Jenner get two gifts. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The move was criticized by Democrats and landscapers (and my missing turtleneck)

The White House placed yard signs with mug shots of illegals they've arrested and crimes they committed. The move was criticized by Democrats and landscapers. —Greg Gutfeld

Hundreds of DEA agents raided an underground nightclub in Colorado. Agents allegedly found drug use, prostitution and my missing turtleneck. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But there's one billionaire oilman who still supports Donald Trump —Diddy (Princeton Study)

FBI Director Kash Patel announced that the agency is launching an investigation into anti-Musk vandalism at Tesla dealerships, calling the acts "domestic terrorism,” which is a federal crime punishable by a full pardon. —Michael Che

An anonymous survey of oil executives reveals that many of them think President Trump’s "Drill, baby, drill" message is a myth and his tariffs are a disaster. But there's one billionaire oilman who still supports Donald Trump —Diddy. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Guess I shaved my back for nothing? (It seems like there's an easier way to do that)

Radicals at Columbia University are handing out instructions on how to clog university toilets with cement. It seems like there's an easier way to do that. Just call Jerry Nadler. —Greg Gutfeld

Donald Trump is killing it and when I say killing it I include the media, cuz Trump is paying about as much attention to them as he is to that text I sent him at 4:00 a.m last night. Guess I shaved my back for nothing? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fact, oil companies today had to lay off 15 senators (Hey, we don't do anything for anybody)

"Chris Christie also lashed out at Congress for doing nothing for the victims of Hurricane Sandy. But in their defense Congress says, 'Hey, we don't do anything for anybody.'" –Jay Leno

"Congress has approved some version of this fiscal cliff bill thing. Well, taxes are going up, and now, they're looking to make cuts just about everywhere. In fact, oil companies today had to lay off 15 senators." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Nothing To See Here. (He better hope they're brain donors)

"Texas Gov. Rick Perry says he's taking steps to run for president in 2016. In fact, this week he's meeting with donors. He better hope they're brain donors." –Jay Leno

"The head of the Federal Aviation Administration has been arrested on charges of drunk driving. I don't want to say how much the guy drank, but when they pulled him over, he was driving the beverage cart.'" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio? (our greatest Republican president ever)

"Well, here's a very bizarre story. People act strangely this time of year. In Toledo, Ohio, a man attacked a Salvation Army bell ringer, grabbed his red kettle, threw it in the back of his truck, yelled, 'I hate Christmas,' and drove off. Here's my question. What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio?" –Jay Leno

"Well, let's see. I'm trying to sum up President Obama's first 11 months in office. He gave billions to Wall Street, cracked down on illegal immigrants getting health care, and he's sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan. You know something? He may go down in history as our greatest Republican president ever." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He told him he'd bring him back a boomerang (Never travel with this guy)

 

"President Bush was in Austria yesterday. You know, I think he's confused. He's not good on geography. On his way to Austria, he told Dick Cheney he'd bring him back a boomerang." --Jay Leno

"The Federal Trade Commission said today they did not find any signs, no signs that the oil industry illegally manipulated gas prices. They also found no signs of steroid use in baseball, there was no gang activity in Los Angeles and Kenny Rogers had no plastic surgery whatsoever." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In other news, the new Bush presidential library just purchased its first 800,000 books (Come on, it's not like he's the CEO of Exxon)

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney is in the news. Cheney slammed President Obama for bowing before the emperor of Japan. Cheney said, 'Come on, it's not like he's the CEO of Exxon.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Former President George W. Bush's new memoir has already sold 800,000 copies. In other news, the new Bush presidential library just purchased its first 800,000 books." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Never forget what you're fighting for! (Well, well, well, look who we have here!)

"It's been a rough week for Anthony Weiner. His campaign manager in the race for mayor just quit because of Weiner's newest scandal. And it's tough finding a replacement because every time he emails someone, they're like, 'I'm not opening that.'" –Jimmy Fallon

New research finds that people who are bullies are more likely to get plastic surgery. Unfortunately, the nerds they bullied are more likely to be plastic surgeons. “Well, well, well, look who we have here!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They were flushing bribe money down the toilet (he ordered the invasion of Louisiana)

 

"In the Gulf of Mexico, 270 miles southwest of New Orleans, drillers have discovered what they say could be the largest oil reserve ever. Once the oil is drilled, it could boost our oil reserves by 50%. They said it would supply us with nearly 50 billion barrels of oil. In fact, the oil companies said this could cut the price of gas by almost a penny. When President Bush heard about this, he ordered the invasion of Louisiana." --Jay Leno

"President Bush also said last night we do not yet have full control of the border. Full control? If we had any less control, there'd be an easy-pass lane." --Jay Leno

"In what has become standard procedure in these kinds of situations, police conducted a room-by-room search of the Capitol building. That's just what congressmen want to hear this week -- a knock at the door and it's the police. They were flushing bribe money down the toilet." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And in Flint, Michigan, it will be healthier than water (the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps)

The U.S. Army has officially lifted its ban on soldiers having dreadlocks. This is good news for the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps. –Conan O’Brien

A new report suggests that soon, gasoline will be cheaper than water. And in Flint, Michigan, it will be healthier than water. –Conan O’Brien

"Bob Costas had to take a break from hosting the Olympics coverage due to an eye infection. In fact, his eyes are so bloodshot, he's been made an honorary member of the U.S. snowboarding team." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, one way or the other, Chris Christie will be giving a victory speech (Mostly trees)

"Prince William’s nightclub owner friend is said to be planning a wild bachelor party. It must be weird stuffing a bill in a stripper’s g-string when it has a picture of your grandmother on it." –Jimmy Fallon

Shaquille O’Neal says that he’s trying to eat healthier. He’s cut soda, bread, sandwiches, and fast food out of his diet. When asked what he’s eating instead he said, “Mostly trees.” –Jimmy Fallon

Not only was today the New Hampshire primary, it was also National Pizza Day. So, one way or the other, Chris Christie will be giving a victory speech. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

fishermen are catching tuna that are getting 35 miles per gallon (there is a right way and a wrong way to polish sterling silver)

"BP — they are spending $50 million on an advertisement budget to try and put a PR spin on this whole thing. Like, you hear what they said today? This is unbelievable. They said fishermen down there are catching tuna that are getting 35 miles per gallon." –Jay Leno

"According to a new report, BP has the worst safety record of all the oil companies. They've paid over $372 million in fines. Oh, they don't call them fines. They call them 'campaign contributions.'" –Jay Leno

"A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth. The queen said today she hopes this serves as a reminder to anybody on her staff that there is a right way and a wrong way to polish sterling silver." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fact, oil companies today had to lay off 15 senators (We're happy to be landing ahead of schedule)

"Congress has approved some version of this fiscal cliff bill thing. Well, taxes are going up, and now, they're looking to make cuts just about everywhere. In fact, oil companies today had to lay off 15 senators." –Jay Leno

"Jon Huntsman finished third and he said he's happy with the momentum he gained this week. You know it's got to be fun being a politician. You can spin everything. Your plane is crashing and you're saying, 'We're happy to be landing ahead of schedule.'" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's had a lot of practice bowing to oil company executives (He may go down in history as our greatest Republican president ever)

"To his credit President Bush knew all the protocol when meeting a Japanese prime minister. He's had a lot of practice bowing to oil company executives." --Jay Leno

 "Well, let's see. I'm trying to sum up President Obama's first 11 months in office. He gave billions to Wall Street, cracked down on illegal immigrants getting health care, and he's sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan. You know something? He may go down in history as our greatest Republican president ever." –Jay Leno (2009)

"Yesterday after his press conference about the big traffic scandal, Chris Christie traveled to Fort Lee, New Jersey, to personally apologize to the mayor there, but it took longer than he thought. Apparently traffic was a nightmare." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

I like sprinkles on my ice cream (Finally some good news for the oil companies)

"Last night President Bush had dinner with the president of Pakistan and the president of Afghanistan. The president of Pakistan claimed Osama bin Laden is hiding in Afghanistan; the president of Afghanistan said Osama's in Pakistan; and President Bush said, 'I like sprinkles on my ice cream.'" --Conan O'Brien

"This week a new oil field was discovered under the Gulf of Mexico that could boost the U.S.' oil and gas reserves by 50%. Finally some good news for the oil companies." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Up to this point, the kid thought his father was Jean-Claude Van Damme (He's had a lot of practice bowing to oil company executives)

"Amazing how quickly things change in politics. I was discussing it this morning with my driver, Mitt Romney." --Jay Leno

"Arnold Schwarzenegger's maid said when her son was told that Schwarzenegger was his father he said 'cool.' It was a big improvement. Up to this point, the kid thought his father was Jean-Claude Van Damme." –Jay Leno

"To his credit President Bush knew all the protocol when meeting a Japanese prime minister. He's had a lot of practice bowing to oil company executives." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, I'm glad somebody's looking out for the little guy (People for Peace)

"Soccer is one of those things that the rest of the world cares more about than we do – you know, like healthcare, education, gun control." –David Letterman

"And then, right after the president's speech, Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, said that we should not demonize the oil companies. Well, I'm glad somebody's looking out for the little guy." –David Letterman

"Pope Francis has pledged to remain neutral during the World Cup. When asked why, the Pope said, 'I picked the Miami Heat and look how that turned out.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”