Delegates had the option of voting either “no” or “ugh, fine.” (I have even more bad news)

The USDA has issued a health alert over premade salads and wraps sold at Walgreens due to concerns they may be contaminated with an intestinal parasite. So, if you're buying your meals at Walgreens, I have even more bad news. --Seth Meyers

Democrats held a roll call vote today to formally elect Hillary Clinton as their party’s nominee. Delegates had the option of voting either “no” or “ugh, fine.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

As a bishop, do you always have to move diagonally? (The loser keeps Hasselhoff)

"The U.S. is scheduled to play Germany soon at the World Cup. President Obama and German Chancellor Angela Merkel already have a bet going. The loser keeps Hasselhoff." –Craig Ferguson

"We have as a guest tonight Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I’m going to ask the question that's on everyone’s mind: 'As a bishop, do you always have to move diagonally?'" –Craig Ferguson

"You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their own." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

in either case, you rarely end up getting as many inches as you anticipated (No Relation)

According to a new poll, 55% of Americans are in favor of abolishing the electoral college, but unfortunately, because of the electoral college, 55% is less than half. --Seth Meyers

Due to this weekend's expected snowfall, experts are predicting a spike in usage of the dating app Tinder. But remember, in either case, you rarely end up getting as many inches as you anticipated. –Seth Meyers

Actress Cynthia Nixon today announced her bid to run for New York governor, and she debuted her campaign slogan, “Nixon 2018: No Relation.” --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What a genius, he'll be missed (At number two, Ezra)

And in music news number one on the college charts this summer was the band Better Than Ezra. At number two, Ezra. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

"George Bush says we are losing the War on Drugs. You know what that implies? There's a war being fought and people on drugs are winning it!" – Bill Hicks

Dr. James Watts, a neurosurgeon who performed the first frontal lobotomy died this week in Washington. If you recall, a lobotomy involves drilling holes in the skull and then inserting and rotating a knife to destroy brain cells. What a genius, he'll be missed. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s going through all the Trump stages of grief (let’s call it, skin)

Donald Trump has taken the shift in campaign momentum hard, with insiders telling the New York Times that he’s “knocked off his bearings”, “disoriented” and “struggling to get past his anger”. Well, of course. He’s grieving. He’s grieving for his lost lead against Joe Biden. He’s going through all the Trump stages of grief. It goes: anger, anger, denial (that you’re angry), hanger and nugget bucket. —Stephen Colbert

“The fact that Kamala Harris is pulling such huge crowds is really getting under his, let’s call it, skin.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, right there, crime is down! (A hero in Tanzania)

"But Bush likes to see the good news, the crime rate is down. Isn't that amazing? Less banks are being robbed. Well, sure. A, there's less banks. B, the banks don't have any money left. And C, nobody's got gas money for the getaway car. So, right there, crime is down!" –Jay Leno

"Over in Africa, President Bush is being welcomed as a hero in Tanzania. See, that's because President Bush always said one day third world countries would have the same economy as the United States and thanks to his economic plan, now they do." --Jay Leno

 https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is great news — wait, WHAT?! (Eh, tell us when they discover beer)

I read that after facing protests, Whole Foods announced that it will no longer sell food that has been prepared by prison inmates. Customers were like, “This is great news — wait, WHAT?!” –Jimmy Fallon

Today, NASA announced that it has finally discovered water on Mars. When they heard, Americans were like, "Eh, tell us when they discover beer." –Jimmy Fallon

This week, a woman in Tennessee walked into her home and found two burglars having sex on her couch. When they tried to run away, she yelled, “At least steal the couch!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

How can I get Canadian TV? (he's willing to take a crack at it)

"Rob Ford says he doesn't really know if he'll be a good TV host, but he's willing to take a crack at it." –Jimmy Fallon

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admitted he smoked crack while he was in office, but he's refusing to step down. Despite all this, he's announced that he'll be hosting a TV show with his brother in Canada. It raises a lot of questions, starting with, 'How can I get Canadian TV?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Dennis Rodman is back in North Korea. And now he's facing a lot of criticism over a new interview where he said that North Korea is 'not that bad.' Even Kim Jong Un was like, 'Uh, yeah, it kind of is.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He wanted to launch it in his school's cafeteria but there's still a restraining order (The Father of Mass Incarceration)

Macy's has severed ties with Donald Trump and no longer will carry his men's wear collection. From now on, men who want to look like Donald Trump will have to hunt and kill their own hair piece. –Conan O’Brien

Chris Christie launched his presidential campaign in the gymnasium of his old high school. He wanted to launch it in his school's cafeteria but there's still a restraining order. –Conan O’Brien

There's a huge financial crisis in Greece. They're in terrible trouble. Greece announced they're going to default on their nearly $1.8 billion loan. Who would have thought the country that invented the philosophy major would be broke? –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”