it was all about how nurses should have to look you in the eye during a sponge bath (But freedom is dead)

"Sarah Palin said, 'Obama lies, freedom dies.' And then she and Todd got on their snowmobile, road across the tundra, shooting anything they want with a machine gun.' But freedom is dead." –Bill Maher

"Whatever you think about Justice John Roberts, he is a serious jurist. His opinion ran 59 pages. Justice Ginsberg's opinion was 61 pages. The four dissenters, their opinion was 65 pages. Clarence Thomas -- 2 pages, and it was all about how nurses should have to look you in the eye during a sponge bath." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only person who can control the weather is Beyoncé (Put your filthy little worker hands together for...)

Elon Musk made an appearance on stage at a Donald Trump rally in Pennsylvania this weekend. That’s gotta be a little confusing for Trump voters. [imitating Trump] ‘I’m fighting for the little guy, and you know how much I hate immigrants, so please welcome an immigrant who makes more money in one second than you’ll make in your entire worthless lives. Put your filthy little worker hands together for your South African oligarch god, Elon Musk!’ —Stephen Colbert  

And a sixth member of Eric Adams’s administration has resigned. Who’s even left at this point? At this rate, his communications director is just going to be a Times Square Dora. —Seth Meyers

There are weather conspiracy theories where people believe that the government can control the weather and is responsible for these hurricanes. . Listen, dummies, the government can’t control the weather. The only person who can control the weather is Beyoncé. —Jimmy Kimmel

“The polls say the election is a tossup. It might ultimately come down to which candidate can deliver a new R.V. to Clarence Thomas first.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In the NBC/Wall Street Journal poll, among African Americans, President Bush's approval rating is 2 percent (good luck getting anyone to believe that one)

 The big story from Washington today is that President Bush may have lied to investigators about the CIA leak. The theory is that President Bush may have been playing dumb. Well good luck getting anyone to believe that one." --Jay Leno

"President Bush, not looking good. His approval rating is down to 38. 38! That's lower than Dick Cheney's pulse. In fact, his approval rating is so low he's actually eligible for FEMA assistance now. And It gets worse. According to the new NBC/Wall Street Journal poll, among African Americans, President Bush's approval rating is 2 percent. You know who the 2 percent are? Condoleezza Rice and Clarence Thomas." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

So I guess in the end, he did teach them all the art of the deal (She’s the one sticking out like a normal thumb)

Another former Donald Trump acolyte is flipping on the former president, as Jenna Ellis became the fourth co-defendant in his Georgia election fraud trial to plead guilty. So I guess in the end, he did teach them all the art of the deal. —Seth Meyers

You might remember Ellis as the least weird lawyer from this press conference with fellow Trump lawyers Rudy Giuliani and Sidney Powell. She’s the one sticking out like a normal thumb. —Seth Meyers

Also on Monday, the House Freedom Caucus of far-right Republicans called on its members to remain in Washington until they could pick a new speaker. Said Matt Gaetz: ‘Aww, but I promised my girlfriend we’d go trick-or-treating.’ —Seth Meyers

And the justice department filed a civil forfeiture claim for a superyacht reportedly belonging to a sanctioned Russian billionaire. ‘Hold up! Let me disembark first!’ said Clarence Thomas. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Wow. She moved on fast (what she's working with under that robe)

Police say a man in Nebraska snuck into a home and slept with a sex doll belonging to a man who recently died. Wow. She moved on fast. —Michael Che

Justice Amy Coney Barrett said that she wouldn't mind seeing a code of conduct instituted for the Supreme Court, while Clarence Thomas said that he wouldn't mind seeing what she's working with under that robe. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Republicans are determined to keep trying until they finally get it wrong (He laughed so hard he almost fell off a billionaire’s yacht)

“Jim Jordan may have failed in his first bid to become speaker of the House, but Republicans are determined to keep trying until they finally get it wrong.” —Seth Meyers

“Several GOP lawmakers voted for the former New York congressman Lee Zeldin, which means they’re running out of options even alphabetically.” —Seth Meyers

“Justice Amy Coney Barrett said in a new interview that the US supreme court should adopt an ethics code, adding ‘all nine justices are very committed to the highest standards of ethical conduct.’ And when he read that interview, Clarence Thomas laughed so hard he almost fell off a billionaire’s yacht.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire b*st*rds making money off human pain (Who knew George Bush was an alien)

"The republicans shouldn’t be so sad, the Supreme Court also had a ruling this week that was somewhat in their favor. In the Arizona immigration case they did rule that the police can consider you suspicious down there if you have significant difficulty communicating in English. Who knew George Bush was an alien." –Bill Maher

"If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire b*st*rds making money off human pain.'" --Bill Maher

"Whatever you think about Justice John Roberts, he is a serious jurist. His opinion ran 59 pages. Justice Ginsberg's opinion was 61 pages. The four dissenters, their opinion was 65 pages. Clarence Thomas -- 2 pages, and it was all about how nurses should have to look you in the eye during a sponge bath." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Every employee was like, ‘I love it here’ then blinked the Morse code for ‘Help’ (Friggin' Biden)

April 2023

“President Biden and the First Lady just released their tax returns, which show that they made less money than the year before. When he heard, Biden was like, ‘Friggin' Biden.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Biden's tax returns were pretty interesting. Under ‘gifts received’, he wrote ‘nowhere near what Clarence Thomas got.’ Then under dependents, Biden wrote, ‘I only wear them when I know I won't be near a bathroom.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“I saw that Google is about to release their first ever foldable phone. The phone is amazing. They say it folds faster than Fox News in court.” —Jimmy Fallon

“You guys see this? According to a LinkedIn report, Amazon is the best company in the U.S. to work for. Every Amazon employee was like, ‘I love it here’ then blinked the Morse Code for ‘Help’.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You cannot take this away from me, this is my Super Bowl (not a huge compliment/Hitler Homes and Goebbels)

April 2023

“Harlan Crow is an arch-conservative who’s known for his assorted Nazi memorabilia and garden full of statues of the 20th century’s worst despots. It’s so impressive that they put him on the cover of ‘Hitler Homes and Goebbels.’” —Stephen Colbert

“During another appearance at his ancestral home of County Mayo, President Biden made his first ever WWE entrance on stage to dramatic light. Biden said ‘I see the light’ to the attendees. There are three things you never say at your age, sir: ‘I see the light’, ‘that can wait until tomorrow’ and ‘I’ll drive’.” —Stephen Colbert

“The Fox News/Dominion trial has been delayed and may even be settled before it begins. You cannot take this away from me, this is my Super Bowl.” —Stephen Colbert

“Clarence Thomas, the supreme court justice who was revealed to have accepted lavish gifts and trips on the yacht and private jet of the billionaire Harlan Crow, who also collects Nazi memorabilia. Crow also bought the house where Thomas’s elderly mother is living rent-free. His defense is that he wants to create a public museum at the Thomas home. Just a reminder that Harlan Crow has Hitler’s napkins and a statue of Stalin in his garden so building you a museum: not a huge compliment.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

in his defense, the law is complicated, and he is only a Supreme Court justice (Game of Thrones cosplay character)

April 2023

“Last week, we learned that Clarence Thomas had secretly accepted luxury trips from right-wing billionaire Harlan Crow. And that’s his actual name, not his ‘Game of Thrones’ cosplay character.” —Jordan Klepper

“On top of that, Clarence Thomas’s mom is still living in that house rent-free, and Harlan Crow is paying for thousands of dollars of renovations. All of which Clarence Thomas should have disclosed by law — although, in his defense, the law is complicated, and he is only a Supreme Court justice.” —Jordan Klepper

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sweet, I love magic! (Mayans 24, New York Jets 0)

In an interview, Donald Trump claimed that New York police and court employees were crying when they arrested him. Why is everyone in Trump’s stories always crying? You’re bragging that when people see you, they just like burst into tears, because it never sounds like excited crying. Like when teenagers see BTS. It sounds more like scared crying like when hostages see Jigsaw. —Colin Jost

Senator Diane Feinstein who is 89 is facing calls to resign from fellow democrats. But unfortunately, Feinstein is answering those calls on her stapler. —Colin Jost

Conservative judges and pundits defended Clarence Thomas saying his deals with Harlan Crow are not corrupt because Crow had no business before the court. But, come on. Does this conservative Christian billionaire strike you as someone who didn’t want them to overturn Roe vs Wade? He looks like he’s on a pamphlet called ‘Why you have to keep it.’ —Colin Jost

Archeologists have discovered a one thousand year old scoreboard used for an ancient Mayan ball game. The score was Mayans 24, New York Jets Zero. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Have you ever tried squeaking by on $27,000 a day? (a couple of leaks is nothing to be embarrassed about)

April 2023

The online group Jack Teixeira started was named Thug Shaker Central. Thug Shaker Central is also what Colin calls Atlanta. —Michael Che

President Biden is trying to downplay the recent leak of classified U.S. documents that were posted on social media, because when you are over 80, a couple of leaks is nothing to be embarrassed about. —Michael Che

After a judge’s ruling that left access to abortion pills uncertain, some state officials are stockpiling them just in case. Officials like California governor Gavin Newsom, Massachusetts governor Maura Healey, and New York comedian Michael Che. —Michael Che

After it was revealed that Harlan Crow bought Clarence Thomas’ Georgia home, Crow said that he did it so he could one day turn it into a museum dedicated to Thomas. It will be called the Sexual Harassment Hall of Fame. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Worse, the signature reads, ‘Dear Harlan, Big fan. Adolf.’ (no questions asked)

April 2023

A new report claims that for decades, Clarence Thomas and his wife went on luxury trips paid for by republican mega-donor and whitest guy with the blackest name, Harlan Crow. Justice Thomas accepted the free trips the same way he approaches working on the Supreme Court, with no questions asked. —Colin Jost

It was also revealed today that Harlan Crow has a vast collection of Nazi memorabilia, including a copy of Mein Kampf signed by Hitler. Worse, the signature reads, ‘Dear Harlan, Big fan. Adolf.’ —Colin Jost

Florida governor Ron DeSantis, who always looks like someone told him to go home and get his shine box, signed a bill that allows Florida residents to carry concealed guns without a permit. Because Florida is dangerous, and you just never know when someone is going to run up to you and say, ‘Gay.’ —Colin Jost

A woman who has been traveling the world says she’s gone on 34 first dates in nearly 20 countries. Her secret? She’s being sex trafficked. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's already being called the best 'that's what she said' joke ever (Make sure you get paid up front, OK? Get the cash.)

Donald Trump said after he’s sworn into office on Friday, he’s going to take the weekend off. Unless, of course, he has to deal with a national emergency or a “Saturday Night Live” sketch. It could go either way. –Conan O’Brien

It’s rumored that Donald Trump’s transition team is paying seat fillers to attend his inauguration. Just a word of advice to the Trump seat-fillers: Make sure you get paid up front, OK? Get the cash. –Conan O’Brien

"Yesterday Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas spoke during a court session for the first time in seven years. He never speaks and he finally spoke. It's already being called the best 'that's what she said' joke ever." –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama's half-brother is running for political office in Kenya. Donald Trump has already accused him of being born in the United States." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Our work is to rekindle the fires of human dignity (flip me over and...)

October 2022

Police in England are now using specially trained dogs to detect semen at crime scenes. This replaces the old method of detecting semen. Slipping on it. —Michael Che

Rasheed Sunak will become Great Britain’s first ever Prime Minister of Indian descent. Said his mom, ‘OK, why not king?’ —Michael Che

The Postal Service announced a new stamp honoring the late Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. There’s also a stamp honoring Clarence Thomas that says, ‘flip me over and start lickin’.’ —Michael Che

Police in Queens are searching for a suspect who hijacked a bus and then immediately crashed it into a utility pole. Okay. So we know it’s a woman. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is a man who would sell ad time during a moment of silence (turn off the lights and play 'find my tax returns.')

"It's nice to know that no matter how bad things get in the Middle East, Mitt Romney is always there to make them worse. You saw him this week when our embassies were under attack, before any facts were in he tried to score political points because he sees everything as a business opportunity. This is a man who would sell ad time during a moment of silence." –Bill Maher

"Clarence Thomas's wife this week on Saturday morning calls up Anita Hill 19 years later to ask her to apologize. Drunk dial much? And she did the right thing. She apologized. She said I'm truly sorry you're married to Clarence Thomas." –Bill Maher

"Mitt Romney told us all about his sex life. Sometimes he and Ann turn off the lights and play 'find my tax returns.'" –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In the space where he had to state the reason for his divorce, he wrote ‘I am married to Marjorie Taylor Greene.’ (Cheers!)

September 2022

“Ginni Thomas, the wife of the supreme court justice Clarence Thomas, appeared before the January 6 committee this week to face questions for unhinged, conspiracy-laden texts sent to Trump’s chief of staff urging him to dispute the 2020 election results. I’m not legal expert, but I feel like if you’re the spouse of a sitting supreme court justice, you shouldn’t be texting anyone in the government about anything, let alone a coup. Thomas was not only texting Trump’s chief of staff, Mark Meadows, but also had direct communication with state lawmakers, pressuring them to overturn Biden’s victory. She was also texting some truly batshit conspiracy theories from the craziest corners of the internet, such as her belief that the ‘Biden crime family’ would be arrested and sent to live on barges off Gitmo. Here’s my question: why a barge off Gitmo instead of just Gitmo itself? Why a barge off the prison? Have they ever done that with any other criminal suspect ever?” —Seth Meyers

“We are celebrating a milestone from the New York Yankees star Aaron Judge. The outfielder hit his 61st home run of the season on Wednesday, tying the single-season American League record set by Roger Maris in 1961. The Yankees star has seven more games to break Maris’s milestone, though he’s unlikely to break the major league record of 73, set by Barry Bonds in 2001 under the cloud of doping. The difference though is that unlike Barry Bonds, Aaron Judge can still fit his head through the neckhole of his sweaters.” —Jimmy Kimmel 

“One of Trump’s most loyal Maga maggots, Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene and her husband of 27 years, Harry Greene, has filed for divorce. His original sentence was 30 years, but the judge shaved three years off for good behavior. In the space where he had to state the reason for his divorce, he wrote ‘I am married to Marjorie Taylor Greene.’” —Jimmy Kimmel 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Among African Americans, President Bush's approval rating is 2 percent (Political Language Explained)

"President Bush, not looking good. His approval rating is down to 38. 38! That's lower than Dick Cheney's pulse. In fact, his approval rating is so low he's actually eligible for FEMA assistance now. And It gets worse. According to the new NBC/Wall Street Journal poll, among African Americans, President Bush's approval rating is 2 percent. You know who the 2 percent are? Condoleezza Rice and Clarence Thomas." --Jay Leno

"Today President Bush asked if his visit to the hurricane zone would count toward the service time he still owes the National Guard." -Jay Leno

"Bush is keeping track of Hurricane Rita as it hits his home state of Texas. That's Bush's worst nightmare -- an electric chair with no power." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So Republicans are now on the record for voting against interracial marriage? (they finally made government small enough to fit inside a woman’s vagina)

July 2022

“The house has officially passed a bill legalizing gay and interracial marriage, which is a great victory for 1995. The Democrats are trying to learn their lesson and protect those rights before Clarence Thomas gets to them.” —Trevor Noah

“Everyone is still shellshocked by the Supreme Court’s recent decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. Although this made conservatives happy because they finally made government small enough to fit inside a woman’s vagina, everyone else was pretty furious.” —Trevor Noah

“And people weren’t just angry at the Supreme Court. No, they were pissed at Democrats because they didn’t codify Roe v. Wade. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t said ‘codified’ this much in my entire life.” —Trevor Noah

“Also, it’s even weirder that 157 Republicans voted against this bill. Nearly three-quarters of House Republicans who didn’t vote for the measure, many calling it a political charade. So you’re on the record now voting against interracial marriage?” —Trevor Noah

“The Senate is unlikely to vote on the measure, as the chamber has ‘more priorities than we have time’, according to Dick Durbin, a senior Democratic leader. You don’t have time? How long does it take? Should gay marriage be legal? Yes, boom, voted, done. That was like, three seconds maybe? I can do another one, look how much time I have. Should interracial marriage be legal? Boom, bam, yes there we go, done. That’s two votes! Let’s go again: should interracial marriage be mandatory? Uh, this one’s a little bit harder, but I’m going to say yeah, let’s do it. All the babies would be super cute.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The look you give the cashier when she scans the KY Jelly (He couldn't keep his eyes off exhibits A and B)

"Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the Late Show. I need your help with this. Do you think it's soon to hit on Mrs. Zarqawi?" --David Letterman

"Last weekend Rush Limbaugh was arrested at an airport because he had illegal Viagra. So apparently, Dick Cheney isn't the only Republican who's locked and loaded." --David Letterman

 

"Give her credit, Anna Nicole Smith made a compelling case. So good, in fact, that Clarence Thomas couldn't keep his eyes off exhibits A and B." --David Letterman

"When he travels, Dick Cheney has certain things that he needs. He needs what he calls a 'downtime suite.' Coincidentally, George W. Bush also has a 'downtime suite.' It's called the Oval Office." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”