they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded (Force The Vote)

"Dick Cheney went to see the Tom Hanks film 'Angels and Demons,' and through the whole movie he's screaming, 'Go Demons! Go Demons.'" --David Letterman

"In college, Dick Cheney went through a rebellious phase where he experimented with smiling." –David Letterman

"This oil spill in the Gulf is affecting everybody. In fact, when I went to lunch this weekend and ordered the sea bass, they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded."  –David Letterman

"You folks been following the big British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? I'm telling you, British Petroleum has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know what? I’ll come back tomorrow (But even I doubt I weigh 239)

President Trump actually has two cell phones that his staff nicknamed “Trump One” and “Trump Two.” Sounds a little like something out of a Dr. Seuss book. Trump wrote his own Dr. Seuss book about himself. We got a copy. Check this out [shows illustrated book]. It says, “The day was beginning, I rolled up my sleeves, I put on my tie that goes past my knees. Too cold to go out, too hyper to snooze, so I sat in the house and binge-watched Fox News. I ate some McDonald’s, I ate KFC, I ate more McDonald’s and more KFC. I went to the doctor, he said everything’s fine. But even I doubt I weigh 239.” --Jimmy Fallon

I saw that earlier today, Bill O’Reilly actually met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. And when he saw O’Reilly go into confession, the next guy in line said, “You know what? I’ll come back tomorrow.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not GR-R-REAT! (It’s Finger Losin’ Good!)

A drunk woman in Nebraska had to be hospitalized this weekend after she broke into a zoo because she wanted to pet a tiger and wound up being bitten by the animal. When asked how she’s doing, the woman said, “Not GR-R-REAT!” –Seth Meyers

A processing company that supplies chicken to KFC was fined this week after an employee lost two fingertips while on the job. Which explains their new slogan, “It’s Finger Losin’ Good!” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it’s going to be awkward the next time they do a movie together (buy high AND sell high)

"Chris Christie is being accused of getting back at a political rival by blocking access to the George Washington Bridge. Christie said, 'I never blocked access to the GWB, I blocked access to a KFC.'" –Conan O'Brien

In Oakland, California, for the first time, a marijuana company will be publicly traded. It’s the first ever stock that you can buy high AND sell high. –Conan O’Brien

On Twitter, porn actress Jenna Jameson bashed Meryl Streep for her Golden Globe speech. Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Cops found him hiding in a thermos (Chris Christie just bought four metric tons of napkins)

The last escapee from a New Orleans jailbreak has finally been caught in Atlanta. So, how did he remain on the run for 145 days? Cops found him hiding in a thermos. —Greg Gutfeld

Florida police claim they found a large thermos inside an arrested man's rectum. Police are on the lookout for an accomplice with an ass full of donuts. —Greg Gutfeld

KFC is once again offering its original honey barbecue flavor. In a related story, Chris Christie just bought four metric tons of napkins? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

into the clown face at Jack In The Box (He inspired the Mojidiot)

"Chris Christie will be delivering a 45-minute speech. Usually When Chris Christie talks for 45 minutes, it’s into the clown face at Jack In The Box." –David Letterman

"This is not the first time a president has inspired a cocktail. We have the Obamarita. And remember George W. Bush? He inspired the Mojidiot." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait, what was the question? (there’s a pretty good chance you already do)

A new report claims that William Shakespeare was a marijuana user and may have been high when he wrote some of his plays. Which explains that one line: “To be, or not to be . . . Wait, what was the question?” –Jimmy Fallon

KFC just unveiled a sunscreen that smells like extra crispy fried chicken. So if you want to smell like KFC ... there’s a pretty good chance you already do. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Police are describing the man as "armed and consistent." (the No. 1 threat to America)

In Florida, a man crashed his car, was found to be in possession of meth, then tried to flee the accident to get more meth. Police are describing the man as "armed and consistent." --Conan O’Brien

"A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE a smartphone." –Conan O'Brien

"Osama bin Laden is dead, which means the No. 1 threat to America is now the KFC Double Down." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded (they've put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders)

"This oil spill in the Gulf is affecting everybody. In fact, when I

went to lunch this weekend and ordered the sea bass, they asked

if I wanted it regular or unleaded."  –David Letterman

"You folks been following the big British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? I'm telling you, British Petroleum has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It goes great with my gravy scented deodorant (Legend)

Pop star Ed Sheeran joined tonight show host Jimmy Fallon for a music performance in the New York City subway. It's the first time commuters threw themselves in front of oncoming trains. —Greg Gutfeld

KFC is now offering a fried chicken flavored toothpaste. Yeah, it goes great with my gravy scented deodorant said JB Pritzker. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's a holiday! (Ha, ha! Good one, said Iraq)

That's right. 89 years ago today, Colonel Sanders founded fast-food chain KFC. And boy, was Trump pissed when he found out he still had to come to work today. Meyers as Trump, "It's a holiday!" --Seth Meyers

When asked today if the Russian election was free and fair, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, quote, "We're focused on our elections. We don't get to dictate how other countries operate." "Ha, ha! Good one," said Iraq. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which is part of a bigger experiment of what happens when you give scientists LSD (It’s Finger Losin’ Good!)

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has declared a state of emergency in preparation for Hurricane Joaquin. And Donald Trump declared a state of emergency as soon as he heard the name “Joaquin.” –Seth Meyers

A processing company that supplies chicken to KFC was fined this week after an employee lost two fingertips while on the job. Which explains their new slogan, “It’s Finger Losin’ Good!” –Seth Meyers

A team of scientists recently completed an experiment studying the effects of the drug MDMA on octopuses. Which is part of a bigger experiment of what happens when you give scientists LSD. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

come January, our national bird might be the Kentucky Fried Chicken (you could’ve knocked me over with a shotgun to the face)

Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump will meet for their only scheduled debate on Tuesday night. Of course, both candidates are very busy with last-minute preparations. Right now, Trump is trying to decide which shade of bronzer: jack-o’-lantern orange or burned corn on the cob? — Jimmy Fallon

“There’s a lot riding on this. If Kamala doesn’t do well, you know, come January, our national bird might be the Kentucky Fried Chicken.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump, of course, is claiming that the debate is rigged against him, even though it hasn’t happened yet. Over the weekend, he announced that no boxes or artificial lifts will be allowed for Kamala — who is 5-foot-4 — to stand on because he says, ‘It would be a form of cheating, and the Democrats cheat enough.’ That’s right. You know, cheating is only allowed when it comes to wives, taxes and every round of golf that he’s ever played.” — Jimmy Kimmel

And in other news, former vice-president Dick Cheney said he will vote for Kamala Harris. Well, I’ll be. When I heard that news, you could’ve knocked me over with a shotgun to the face. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, President Trump will certainly put an end to that (183 times)

"Donald Trump may be running for president. He said he is sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at the United States. Well, President Trump will certainly put an end to that." –David Letterman

"Dick Cheney, the former vice president, said that President Obama went too far with the jokes at the correspondents' dinner. By too far, does Cheney mean like waterboarding a guy 183 times?" --David Letterman

"You folks been following the big British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? I'm telling you, British Petroleum has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Prince Harry's drag name (and Gruber fell from the tower)

A popular new food item among people staying at home is

whipped strawberry milk. Incidentally, "whipped strawberry

milk" is also Prince Harry's drag name. —Colin Jost

Texas lieutenant governor Dan Patrick is urging his state to completely reopen saying there are more important things than living, which is actually the slogan for the KFC $20 fill up menu. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, congratulations to Hard Rock Cafe! (It's a holiday!)

That's right. 89 years ago today, Colonel Sanders founded fast-food chain KFC. And boy, was Trump pissed when he found out he still had to come to work today. Meyers as Trump, "It's a holiday!" --Seth Meyers

A judge has ruled on the dispute over who will be allowed to take custody of the body of notorious serial killer Charles Manson. So, congratulations to Hard Rock Cafe! --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Where do I know that guy from... (Drapetomania)

President Trump actually has two cell phones that his staff nicknamed “Trump One” and “Trump Two.” Sounds a little like something out of a Dr. Seuss book. Trump wrote his own Dr. Seuss book about himself. We got a copy. Check this out [shows illustrated book]. It says, “The day was beginning, I rolled up my sleeves, I put on my tie that goes past my knees. Too cold to go out, too hyper to snooze, so I sat in the house and binge-watched Fox News. I ate some McDonald’s, I ate KFC, I ate more McDonald’s and more KFC. I went to the doctor, he said everything’s fine. But even I doubt I weigh 239.” --Jimmy Fallon

And it seems like there's no end in sight to the shutdown. You can tell Trump's desperate to get money for his wall, 'cause earlier today, he proposed to Jeff Bezos. --Jimmy Fallon

But this morning, Eric Trump went on “Fox & Friends” and passionately defended his father. While at home, the president was like, “Where do I know that guy from...” --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wasn't that George Bush? (lavender alert)

"Conan says he wants to work for a network that's more trustworthy than NBC. How about Al Jazeera?" –David Letterman

It's Fashion Week in New York and the city is on lavender alert. --David Letterman 2/10/2003

"Things are so bad at NBC now that earlier today, the NBC peacock walked into a KFC and surrendered." –David Letterman

"There's a new book out that says Sarah Palin was an ignoramus who believes Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11. And I thought, well, no, that's George Bush. Wasn't that George Bush?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The new CEO’s head is being snapped on as we speak (Good News Everyone!)

Bill Clinton's presidential library opened yesterday and it costs $7 to get in. On the bright side every night is ladies night. --Conan O’Brien 11/9/2004

"Chris Christie is being accused of getting back at a political rival by blocking access to the George Washington Bridge. Christie said, 'I never blocked access to the GWB, I blocked access to a KFC.'" –Conan O'Brien

The CEO of Lego will be replaced next year. The new CEO’s head is being snapped on as we speak. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”