which is perfect for any refugees who are seeking asylum and maybe a Slim Jim (It’s pride of ownership. It’s his baby!)

Today Donald Trump chose Rex Tillerson, Exxon Mobil CEO, as his secretary of state. I assume from now on, all gas stations are official U.S. embassies, which is perfect for any refugees who are seeking asylum and maybe a Slim Jim. –Stephen Colbert

Rex Tillerson is an interesting pick. For one thing, he’s an oil man who believes in climate change. Well, of course he believes in it! He’s from Exxon — he INVENTED it. It’s pride of ownership. It’s his baby! –Stephen Colbert

This morning, the president-elect met at Trump Tower with Kanye West. You can tell it was a high-powered meeting because Kanye wore his formal sweat suit. Obviously, it’s a security risk gathering the two most powerful American narcissists in the same room. Just for security reasons, they had to keep Shia LeBeouf in an undisclosed location for continuity of government. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You should probably stop talking (or around 12 American dollars)

"Congrats to Prince William and Kate Middleton, who welcomed a baby girl on Saturday. The royal baby weighed eight pounds – or around 12 American dollars." –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, Rudy Giuliani went on Fox News and revealed that Donald Trump knew about and paid for Stormy Daniels’ hush money. Even Kanye was like, “You should probably stop talking.”  --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

C'mon in, Kanye! (waxing the rainforest)

Plans are underway to build an erotic theme park in Brazil called “ErotikaLand.” In fact, Brazilian workers are already busy waxing the rainforest. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump welcomed the president of Nigeria to the White House. The meeting started awkwardly when Trump said, "C'mon in, Kanye!" --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Ma! Why You Gotta Tell Them That For? (the bank goblins from Harry Potter)

 

A new report finds that the state with the most adult children still living with their parents is New Jersey. Adult children in New Jersey are calling the report "Ma! Why You Gotta Tell Them That For?” —Colin Jost    

British officials have blocked Kanye West from entering the country to perform at a music festival despite his offer to meet with members of England's Jewish community, which he thinks are the bank goblins from Harry Potter. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 
and Orwell’s 1984.”

How big is this sh*tshow? (Even when it comes to excuses, he's a creative genius)

Kanye West took out a full-page ad in "The Wall Street Journal” apologizing for his past anti-Semitic comments, saying they were due to an undiagnosed brain injury from a car crash 25 years ago. Damn! Even when it comes to excuses, he's a creative genius. —Colin Jost

A UPS driver in California rescued a 101-year-old woman from her burning home by using his UPS training to toss her violently onto the porch. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So leave a duffel bag full of Krugerrands by the front door (cementing South Dakota's status as party capital of the U.S.)

They were keeping a spare podium open for Joe Biden in case he decided to enter the race at the last minute, as if he's going to walk in and shock everyone like a Spanish soap opera or something. You can't just leave an empty podium with a mic on stage like that. That's like an open invitation to Kanye West to jump on stage. –Jimmy Kimmel

​​“And then, with all this talk of the Bidens inappropriately profiting from public office, the White House today announced that the United States will host the next G-7 summit at the Trump Doral golf resort in Miami. For real. The president is generously renting his golf club out to all the leaders of the world. Because of course he is. He doesn’t care anymore. He’s just like, ‘Yeah, you know what, we’re hosting it at my golf resort. And guess what? A round of golf’s a million bucks — that doesn’t include cart, and we’re tripling the room rates! So leave a duffel bag full of Krugerrands by the front door.’” --Jimmy Kimmel

The Santee Sioux Tribe is getting ready to open what they call America's first marijuana resort, further cementing South Dakota's status as party capital of the U.S. They claim this will be the first marijuana resort, but there are already thousands of marijuana resorts in this country. They're called colleges. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the kid did manage to hit 19 houses in under two minutes (the robot thinks it’s God)

​​A robot has been taught how to write rap songs by being fed more than 6,000 Kanye West lyrics. The problem is, now the robot thinks it’s God. –Conan O’Brien

In Wisconsin, a child’s trick-or-treat bag was found to contain meth. On the plus side, the kid did manage to hit 19 houses in under two minutes. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, my God, Kanye becomes President? (MILF Plaza)

Let's get to some news. Today, guys, President Trump met with Kanye West at the White House. Incredible. If you would've told me 10 years ago that Trump and Kanye would be meeting at the White House, I would've said, "Oh, my God, Kanye becomes President?" --Jimmy Fallon

A tech blogger in California used a weather balloon to drop an iPhone from the edge of space, at 100,000 feet in the air, to see what would happen — and still, somehow the phone landed in the guy’s toilet. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which one’s married to Kanye? (and both major parties need to go)

President Trump just gave an interview where he appeared to confuse Kim Jong Un with his father, Kim Jong Il. It got worse when Trump was like, “Which one’s married to Kanye?” –Jimmy Fallon

"Dick Cheney is having surgery today to relieve his lower back pain. And do you know how they administered the anesthesia? They just shot it right in his face." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

sometimes he loves himself but other times, he really loves himself (You'll melt your face off, kid!)

There’s a proposed bill in New York that would allow medical marijuana to be prescribed for menstrual cramps. Which is why millions of men in New York are now saying "it is my time of the month." –Conan O’Brien

In a new interview, Kanye West talks about being bipolar. Kanye said sometimes he loves himself but other times, he really loves himself. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I could not be more proud, which is a sin, and now I'm ashamed (I was worried it was Kanye)

Well, the Catholic Church has elected the first-ever pope from America, and as an American Catholic, I could not be more proud, which is a sin, and now I'm ashamed. —Colin Jost

This pick was actually a welcomed surprise for me, because when I heard the pope was a super-religious guy from Chicago in a funny robe, I was worried it was Kanye. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So better luck next time Harriet Tub-Man (over Colin Jost’s dead body)

There is speculation that the next pope could come from Africa, which would mean he'd have to travel over Colin Jost’s dead body. —Michael Che

Ye is accusing a Beverly Hills dentist of getting him addicted to nitrous oxide, which caused him extreme mental distress. The dentist apologized, saying he didn't realize he had the tank set to Nazi. —Michael Che

This week marks the anniversary of the end of the war in Vietnam. Also turning 50, a lot of half-white Vietnamese kids. —Michael Che

The US has announced a new series of $50 coins featuring Superheroes like Batman and Superman. So better luck next time Harriet Tub-Man. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only part of government that really listens (what if Kanye was a car?)

Tesla is reportedly having trouble selling Cybertrucks, partly due to its slogan, Cybertruck -- what if Kanye was a car? —Colin Jost

A new fashion trend for women are nap dresses, part of a larger trend called clinical depression. —Colin Jost

A group is asking New Jersey Transit to make commutes more joyful by putting googly eyes on the front of trains. So at least you'll see a friendly face coming to help when you're pushed on the tracks. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Rude Dude Escapes In The Nude (Or as Kanye West calls it...)

But we're not just tired today, we're also distracted because the NCAA College Basketball Championship bracket is set. Yes, it's time for March Madness! Or as Kanye West calls it, March. –James Corden

A headline in The Metro reads, “Naked Man Crashes Car Then Leads Police On Bizzare Nude Foot Chase.” That was their headline. The real headline should have read, “Rude Dude Escapes In The Nude.” --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

you clearly aren't familiar with how things work here in hell (Drop Acid Not Bombs!!)

Donald Trump Jr. is reportedly considering a run for president in 2028. And if you don't think he could win, you clearly aren't familiar with how things work here in hell. —Colin Jost

Experts say that President Trump's tariffs will raise the cost of a new car by as much as $12,000. Or you can get a free Tesla since people are throwing them away. —Colin Jost

Speaking of which, Tesla CEO and white Kanye Elon Musk wore a suit instead of a jacket and t shirt to this week’s cabinet meeting after President Trump made fun of his clothing. It's a refreshing reminder that bullying still works. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Excuse me while I go set my house on fire (free lap dances)

President Trump also suggested taking over Gaza. His first project, opening a gentleman's club called the Gaza Strip. —Greg Gutfeld

   

Democrats have already filed new impeachment articles against Trump over his proposed plan in Gaza. Well there goes their free lap dances at the Gaza Strip. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump's proposed budget bill will feature roughly $1 trillion dollars worth of spending cuts. But this is nice, he's leaving in a few extra bucks to buy some clothes for Kanye’s wife. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A human dragon sleeping on a pile of rubies and gold (see-through outfits)

Gen Z gun control activist David Hogg has been elected as Vice Chair of the DNC. In the next five years his goals are to get rid of ICE, the NRA and his virginity. —Greg Gutfeld 

Kanye West's wife Bianca Censori appeared in a see-through outfit at the Grammys making viewers grateful that West isn't married to Hillary Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So now they're having a benefit concert for people who had to see that (Dear Santa)

"Computer technicians in Washington say they have found 22

million missing emails from President George W. Bush's

Administration. And you can tell the emails are from the Bush

Administration because they all begin, 'Dear Santa.'"

–Conan O'Brien

"Anyone see that Hurricane Sandy concert? Kanye West

performed while wearing a leather skirt. So now they're having

a benefit concert for people who had to see that."

–Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Those offshore loopholes didn't get carved out by poor people (SOS)

Kim and Kanye’s 2-year-old daughter North has released her first tweet. It was just three letters, "SOS." –Conan O’Brien

Researchers at Cornell have successfully bred the first puppies in a test tube. Which is great, because we all know how much dogs hate doin' it. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, my God, Kanye becomes President (and there's a hint of shame)

Let's get to some news. Today, guys, President Trump met with Kanye West at the White House. Incredible. If you would've told me 10 years ago that Trump and Kanye would be meeting at the White House, I would've said, "Oh, my God, Kanye becomes President?" --Jimmy Fallon

Get this -- a cheating scandal has rocked the world of wine tasting. That's right. It has rocked the world of wine tasting. A cheating scandal came out that some tasters were given the answers to an exam. The wine tasters say that they are embarrassed, a little humiliated, and there's a hint of shame. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”