Our freedom depends on it (tested positive for a second case of Affleck)

“Joe Biden has tested positive for Covid for the second time days after testing negative, a rebound case after taking the anti-viral drug Paxlovid. Wow, getting Covid twice in a row because you took Paxlovid? Who could’ve seen this coming? Me, that’s who. (Colbert had two bouts of Covid in May after taking Paxlovid.) It’s happened to a lot of folks. I don’t know anyone who’s taken Paxlovid who didn’t get it again. It’s the hottest rebound since JLo tested positive for a second case of Affleck.” —Stephen Colbert

Mylan, the company that produces these EpiPens, have jacked up the price of these pens from less than $100 for a pair, to over $600. That price is enough to send you into shock, but don't do it because you can't afford the pen anymore. –Stephen Colbert

“Experts say the rebound infections are caused by ‘insufficient drug exposure’ – as in, not enough of the drug gets into infected cells to stop all viral replication. So the Covid pops right back up, which is why the White House is trying to give Paxlovid to Biden’s poll numbers.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

we've had presidents show up to the inauguration with pregnant slaves (But Trump don't know that)

The presidency of the United States is not the most dignified job in the world. You know, we've had presidents show up to the inauguration with pregnant slaves. And I'm just talking about Bill Clinton. —Chris Rock

I have real condolences for, you know, the health care CEO. I mean, this is a real person, you know? But you also got to go, You know, sometimes drug dealers get shot. —Chris Rock

When it comes to immigration, Trump isn’t playing around. J. Lo is going to marry Ben Affleck again just so she can stay in the country. I know she's not Mexican. But Trump don't know that. —Chris Rock

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Arizona Coyotes vs Boston Bruins

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Finally, some good in-flight entertainment! (I’m not in the TSA)

Apple just released a new app that lets you read books with your kids on your TV. Or as dads put it, “Yeah, this ‘book’ is about the Patriots-Seahawks game, and it’s a thriller.” –Jimmy Fallon

Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles International Airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, “I’m not in the TSA.” –Jimmy Fallon

A plane in India had to make an emergency landing after a passenger found out her husband was cheating on her mid-flight. The passengers were like, “Finally, some good in-flight entertainment!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of course I do — Superman, Wonder Woman and Ben Affleck (Batman's recurring nightmare)

Donald Trump went on Twitter today and mocked Ronda Rousey for losing her fight this past weekend. In response, T-Mobile's CEO said he'd pay to see Trump fight her in the ring — at which point, Trump started building a wall around himself. –Jimmy Fallon

Carrie Fisher claims in her upcoming book that she had an affair with Harrison Ford on the set of “Star Wars.” And Jabba the Hutt was like, “You said you don’t date coworkers. What’s the deal?” –Jimmy Fallon

Trump keeps tweeting that the Justice Department should investigate Hillary Clinton, instead of his ties to Russia. When asked if he knows who runs the Justice Department, he said, "Of course I do — Superman, Wonder Woman and Ben Affleck." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

How did this not happen in Florida? (This is how high fuel prices are)

But despite the shutdown, the FDA is trying to restart their inspections of risky foods, though so far it's just one guy going, "Does this smell bad to you? Try it. Drink it." --Jimmy Fallon

Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles International Airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, “I’m not in the TSA.” –Jimmy Fallon

A woman in Texas was banned from Walmart this weekend. The woman spent several hours driving an electric shopping cart around the store's parking lot while drinking wine from a Pringles can. Texas police had a lot of questions, starting with, "How did this not happen in Florida?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like the Civil War, if you replace slavery with waffle fries (Spock's neck and shoulder massage)

Remember a few months ago when future former President Barack Obama got Iran to release four American prisoners? Well, it turns out he forgot to tell us about a small shipping and handling fee. Because as the prisoners were freed, $400 million was flown to Iran on a plane loaded with cash. Don't you hate it when you're on an airplane and you get stuck sitting next to $400 million? You don't know who gets the armrest. –Stephen Colbert

"This crisis has pitted brother against lower cholesterol brother. It's like the Civil War, if you replace slavery with waffle fries." –Stephen Colbert on the Chick-Fil-A controversy

“Joe Biden has tested positive for Covid for the second time days after testing negative, a rebound case after taking the anti-viral drug Paxlovid. Wow, getting Covid twice in a row because you took Paxlovid? Who could’ve seen this coming? Me, that’s who. (Colbert had two bouts of Covid in May after taking Paxlovid.) It’s happened to a lot of folks. I don’t know anyone who’s taken Paxlovid who didn’t get it again. It’s the hottest rebound since JLo tested positive for a second case of Affleck.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

What do you call a dog that's a magician? (Imagine how much they would have cost if they were made in America)

Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles International Airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, “I’m not in the TSA.” –Jimmy Fallon

I saw that Donald Trump himself is selling inauguration sweatshirts for $79. I know it sounds expensive for a sweatshirt, but just imagine how much they would have cost if they were made in America. –Jimmy Fallon

President Vladimir Putin said that Russia has invented the world's most effective drug to fight Ebola. Yeah. When asked if he tested it on rats, Putin said, "You could call them that. Sure, yeah, yeah. They're rats." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They met with Boston royalty, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck (I was this close to not having to wear a mask)

November 2022

“The U.S. Men's Soccer Team's big win over Iran in the World Cup. That’s exciting. I don't know if anyone's more excited than Biden. This is real. When he found out the result, he ran back onstage after making a speech to make the announcement, but his mic wasn't on. Biden didn't care. He was finally living his boyhood dream — silent film star. —Jimmy Fallon

“Today Prince William and Kate Middleton arrived in Boston for their first trip to the U.S. in nearly 10 years. This was nice. They met with Boston royalty, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Did you guys see this? Following a massive spike in sales, The Phantom of the Opera has extended its final Broadway run by eight weeks. The Phantom was like, ‘I was this close to not having to wear a mask.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Well, this is fun. I saw that next month, the world's largest go-kart track is opening in New Jersey. What took so long? It's already the tracksuit capital of the world. It makes sense, though. New Jersey is the one place you're actually gonna find a man named Mario in a go-kart.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Predatory Phase of Human Development (Spatial Hybrid Astronaut Redirection Technique)

September 2022

“There has been an escalation of threats from Vladimir Putin after a series of setbacks in his invasion of Ukraine. Putin vowed that Russia will use ‘all means at its disposal’ to continue the occupation of Ukraine, adding: ‘I am not bluffing.’ OK, the problem with Putin is, even if he was bluffing, it would be impossible to tell. The guy is a former KGB agent and he is addicted to Botox. His expression never changes. It doesn’t matter if he’s losing a war or riding a rollercoaster.” —Seth Meyers

“In a rally over the weekend, Donald Trump referenced Putin’s heated rhetoric, referring to ‘nuclear’ as ‘the N-word’. Now, I have to imagine there was some percentage of that crowd, however large or small, that heard that sentence and thought to themselves, ‘Oh my God, it’s finally happening.’” —Seth Meyers

“There is a significant space event: a NASA spacecraft deliberately hit an asteroid head-on at 15,000mph to see whether space rocks can be deflected away from earth. Now, before you start having panic sex with strangers on the sidewalk, I hope it’s not because of this asteroid. It wasn’t the big civilization ender that Ben Affleck will have to save us from. It wasn’t even headed to earth.” —Stephen Colbert

The mission – the Double Asteroid Redirection Test, or Dart – was to test if NASA could push a potentially dangerous asteroid off a collision course with Earth. Not to be confused with the mission to stop a real asteroid that’s going to destroy the planet, the ‘Spatial Hybrid Astronaut Redirection Technique’, or Shart.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s going to be the first royal to ascend the throne in one of those motorized stairlifts (I have No Idea what I'm doing)

September 2022

“Queen Elizabeth II, Britain’s longest-serving monarch, has died at the age of 96. To put it into perspective for Americans, this would be like if Kris Jenner died here. The queen is known as England’s rock, and we don’t have a rock here. The closest thing we have to a rock in America is The Rock.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“When you think of all the people that the Queen has met with over the last 70 years, it’s really remarkable. She’s met everyone from Lady Bird Johnson to Lady Gaga, from Bill Clinton to Will.i.am, she met JFK and JLo, she’s met the Beatles and the Spice Girls, she’s met the Iron Lady and the Iron Throne.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Whatever you think about the royal family or the monarchy, you’ve gotta admit, it’s insane how long Elizabeth sat on the throne. She came to power in 1952. You understand how long that is? That means she’s seen Adam West as Batman, Michael Keaton as Batman, Christian Bale as Batman, Ben Affleck as Batman, survived that and then saw Robert Pattinson as Batman. In other words, she’s been in the game for a minute.” —Trevor Noah

“Elizabeth’s son Charles is now king at 73 years old, and until today, he still had the same title as his own grandchildren. That was weird. The world wasn’t made for an old prince. I can tell you now, there is no one in a Disney movie who’s like ‘someday my prince will come, and he’ll wear orthopedic shoes and eat cottage cheese for meals.’ Charles is so old, he’s going to be the first royal to ascend the throne in one of those motorized stairlifts.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s the hottest rebound since JLo tested positive for a second case of Affleck (political jokey make-em-ups)

August 2022

“Joe Biden has tested positive for Covid for the second time days after testing negative, a rebound case after taking the anti-viral drug Paxlovid. Wow, getting Covid twice in a row because you took Paxlovid? Who could’ve seen this coming? Me, that’s who. (Colbert had two bouts of Covid in May after taking Paxlovid.) It’s happened to a lot of folks. I don’t know anyone who’s taken Paxlovid who didn’t get it again. It’s the hottest rebound since JLo tested positive for a second case of Affleck.” —Stephen Colbert

“Experts say the rebound infections are caused by ‘insufficient drug exposure’ – as in, not enough of the drug gets into infected cells to stop all viral replication. So the Covid pops right back up, which is why the White House is trying to give Paxlovid to Biden’s poll numbers.” —Stephen Colbert

“I’ve been making the political jokey make-em-ups for over 20 years now, and I have never seen anything so baldly cynical and pointlessly malicious as this. And if there are children in the room, tell them to age quickly and please vote. The Pact Act, which would expand healthcare coverage to military veterans exposed to toxic chemicals or burn pits during their service was up for a vote. That’s something we can agree on – if we’re going to go to war, we have to take care of the warriors. Both the House and the Senate initially passed the bill, but due to an administrative issue, the Senate had to revote. Twenty-five Republican senators flipped their votes, blocking the Pact Act’s passage. Why would Republicans screw over veterans on a bill that they previously voted for? Well, one theory is that they had their boxers in a bunch after Joe Manchin and Chuck Schumer secretly negotiated a big climate deal. Jon Tester, Democratic senator from Montana, attributed the vote to ‘political payback’ from people who had ‘lost their minds’. Well, that would be some misdirected anger, GOP. That’s like a quarterback saying, ‘OK, huddle up, we’re down 20, I just threw an interception and the other team scored. Here’s the play: I’m going to go sucker-punch that old guy at the hot dog stand.’ Can you believe Ted Cruz, who fist-bumped fellow GOP senator Steve Daines after blocking the bill for veterans’ healthcare he had previously voted for. I imagine there’s some veterans out there who would also like to bump Ted Cruz with their fists.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If that doesn't get people to start watching soccer, nothing will (88%)

June 2014

"I guess now Dick Cheney knows what it feels like when someone you thought was a friend shoots you in the face." --Jon Stewart on Fox News' Megyn Kelly calling out Cheney for being wrong on Iraq

"It was not a great weekend for the American soccer fan. We're still recovering from a draw with Portugal, 2-2. It was a long game, four points total, and America didn't win. If that doesn't get people to start watching soccer, nothing will." –Craig Ferguson 

"People are disappointed by the World Cup match. I haven't seen this much disappointment since they announced Ben Affleck was playing Batman. Since Justin Bieber avoided jail. Since Honey Boo Boo's family went to a vegan restaurant. Since Whole Foods in L.A. ran out of kale." –Craig Ferguson

"A tie in the World Cup puts the U.S. in a tough spot because the next game isn't until Thursday, so people in L.A. have to pretend to care about soccer for another 72 hours." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because right now, that’s the only way a Red Sox fan can get a win in the Bronx (Or, as I prefer, ‘Jennifer 2: Jen-flecktric Boogaffleck.’)

July 2022

“That’s right, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez reportedly got married over the weekend. Because right now, that’s the only way a Red Sox fan can get a win in the Bronx.” —Seth Meyers

“That’s right, they got married at a drive-through chapel. You know inflation is bad when even those two are, like, ‘Let’s just do it in Vegas.’ The guy who married them was, like, ‘Wow, you two are the best Ben and J. Lo impersonators I’ve ever seen — you’re really good.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Love is real! If they can make it work, there’s hope for every attractive millionaire celebrity couple with a skin-care line.” —Stephen Colbert

“And as I’m sure you know, the two were engaged years ago, but now they’ve made it official. It’s Bennifer again-i-fer! Or, as I prefer, ‘Jennifer 2: Jen-flecktric Boogaffleck.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We have come a long way to perfecting our union (Worse, he meant it as a compliment)

April 2022

The senate confirmed Ketanji Brown Jackson, making her the first black woman to serve on the Supreme Court. I’ll drink to that said Brett Kavanaugh. —Colin Jost

Justice Jackson was honored Friday at the White House ceremony and said, ‘We have come a long way to perfecting our union.’ Which is also a direct quote from Ben Affleck’s proposal to J. Lo. —Colin Jost

Republican senator Tom Cotton, who wants everyone to cool it with the long neck jokes, said that he believes that Supreme Court Justice Jackson would have defended the Nazis. Worse, he meant it as a compliment. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I thought that was Higgins from Magnum P.I. (I’m not in the TSA)

So Donald Trump endorsed L.L. Bean on Twitter — because if anybody

represents the rugged great outdoors, it’s a spray-tanned germaphobe

who goes to the bathroom on a gold toilet. –Conan O’Brien

"Now, some people are really upset because President Obama has decided

to redecorate the Oval Office, and he got rid of former President Bush's bust

of Winston Churchill. When he heard about it, Bush was furious and said,

'Winston Churchill? I thought that was Higgins from 'Magnum P.I.'"

–Conan O'Brien

Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles International

Airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, “I’m

not in the TSA.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

It won't end until YOU step out of line (Tomorrow it's Angela Merkel bobblehead day)

September 2013

"Today's the annual grand opening of the U.N. We have leaders from all over the world, and when they come here they have diplomatic immunity. They can do whatever they want, break any kind of laws. I saw a dictator today walking up Broadway carrying a 16-ounce soda." –David Letterman 

"Evil Russian Dictator Vladimir Putin is in town. He's here to steal a World Series ring." –David Letterman

"The U.N. deals with a lot of important issues. Today they spent the entire day trying to deal with that Ben Affleck as Batman thing." –David Letterman

"At every U.N. session there's a special promotion. Tomorrow it's Angela Merkel bobblehead day." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.' (ya'll thought this s*** was gonna be sweet)

January 2013

"The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.'" –Bill Maher

"The best advertisement for torture is not Dick Cheney and people like that who support it, it is Hollywood. At the Golden Globes, it's movies. Ben Affleck won for playing a CIA officer, Claire Danes won for playing a CIA officer, Jessica Chastain won for playing a CIA officer and of course, Julianne Moore won for playing Sarah Palin, a master of counter intelligence." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We just know it’s probably a bad idea (we don’t go around and put up statues of rats)

“There are still people out there who are like, ‘Yeah, but if you take down the statues, how will people learn their history? These statues are about history.’ Read a book, [expletive]. That is how you learn history. No one really thinks that these statues are teaching anybody history. The bubonic plague was a major event in history — we don’t go around and put up statues of rats.” —Trevor Noah

“These statutes celebrate some of the worst ideas in human history, yet there are many people across America and in Britain who are upset about these statues coming down. So if it’s monument to bad ideas that these people want, we have come up with some that are far less hurtful, harmful and upsetting. For example, they could build a monument to the universally unloved ‘Star Wars’ character Jar Jar Binks, or the perplexing artwork that is Ben Affleck’s back tattoo. Is it a dragon? Is it a fish? No one knows. We just know it’s probably a bad idea.” —James Corden

“L.A. is showing up to march, which is encouraging. Do you know how hard it is to get people to walk in L.A.? In Hollywood, activism usually means wearing a lapel pin to the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Because Donald's Trump's b***s won't lick themselves (Superman, Wonder Woman and Ben Affleck)

I read that Congress is debating if President Trump should have the power to order a nuclear strike. I guess right now, it’s an even split between “No” and “Hell, no.” They have a good plan though. They’re gonna replace the red button on his desk with the one that orders office supplies from Staples. “Why do I keep getting all these ink cartridges? Sad!” –Jimmy Fallon

Trump keeps tweeting that the Justice Department should investigate Hillary Clinton, instead of his ties to Russia. When asked if he knows who runs the Justice Department, he said, "Of course I do — Superman, Wonder Woman and Ben Affleck." –Jimmy Fallon

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans