World Snake Day (Watch and Learn)

A man in Kansas City had to be rescued after falling into a porta potty while trying to retrieve a bottle of Mountain Dew. RFK Jr. commented on the story saying, "Mountain Dew is not a healthy choice.” —Tom Shillue

Yesterday was World Snake Day, so I hope everyone gives a special shout out to Adam Schiff. —Tom Shillue 

To lessen the strain on Vermont's power grid, customers are being asked to cut back on using air conditioners. Bernie Sanders agreed, although he thought they said hair conditioner. —Tom Shillue 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh my God, Trump is going to run for president of North Korea (Though you probably know it by its Hindi name, Mountain Dew)

While touring hurricane damage in North Carolina today, President Trump reportedly congratulated a resident on having a stranger's boat wash up in his yard, saying, "At least you got a nice boat out of the deal." Dude, you don't get to just keep things that wash up on shore. Even though I'm assuming that's probably how you got Steve Bannon. --Seth Meyers

President Trump said during his address to the U.N. today that if North Korea continues working on its nuclear program, the U.S. will have "no choice but to totally destroy North Korea." Oh my God, Trump is going to run for president of North Korea. –Seth Meyers

A farmer in India is claiming that he’s made over $1 million in the last four years by selling bull semen. Though you probably know it by its Hindi name, Mountain Dew. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

While the worst city was once again Rat Orgy, Delaware (Mountain Dew Breast Milk Blast)

Batman turns 80 years old this month which explains his new

arch nemesis, Jamaican nurse. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new survey lists the best city to live in in America is Boise, Idaho. While the worst city was once again Rat Orgy, Delaware. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new study shows that in the past twenty years prediabetes in children has more than doubled. Thanks largely to the popularity of Mountain Dew Breast Milk Blast. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Thanks largely to the popularity of Mountain Dew Breast Milk Blast (I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it)

April 2022

The conservative media organization The Daily Wire said they will spend $100 million to create children’s programming to counter woke media companies. Programs will include Clifford, The Big Straight Dog, Encanto, but in English, and One Fish, Two Fish, That’s How Many Fish, That’s How Many Fish Genders There Are. —Colin Jost

Wildlife officials in Tennessee have captured a 500-pound black bear living on a college campus. A black bear that, let’s face it, took the spot of more deserving white and Asian bears. —Colin Jost

A new study shows that in the past twenty years pre-diabetes in children has more than doubled. Thanks largely to the popularity of Mountain Dew Breast Milk Blast. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

finding out something isn’t worth as much as she thought (that girl was very very very over eighteen)

 

January 2022

Well the stock market is plummeting and there is a threat of a land war in Europe. So it looks like democrats were right. Joe Biden is the next FDR. —Colin Jost

President Biden is working to prevent a war between Russia and Ukraine, and he said a video call between European allies went very, very, very well. OK, the third very worries me. You only say that when you are trying to cover up something. Like, if Matt Gaetz said that girl was very very very over eighteen. —Colin Jost

A new report shows that last year, the U.S. economy grew at its fastest rate since Ronald Reagan was president. Biden has even started using Reagan’s old catch phrase, ‘Where am I?’ —Colin Jost

Three items put up for auction by Melania Trump failed to reach the opening bid of $250,000. But Melania is no stranger to finding out something isn’t worth as much as she thought. —Colin Jost

It was announced that Mountain Dew’s Baja Blast is being converted into a new alcoholic seltzer, which is then being converted into your third DUI. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

consider their logo used to be a hillbilly shooting at somebody (Football Jerk Off Nap)

If you drag your man to Eat Pray Love this summer he gets to take you to a movie called Football Jerk Off Nap. --Bill Maher

New Rule: Don't tell me fat guys last longer in bed, it just feels longer. A new study claims the average man has sex for 108 seconds, even quicker if he's with a woman. But the average fat guy I guess because the huffing and puffing slows him down has sex for all of seven minutes, which explains where he got the name Rush. --Bill Maher

New Rule: Before asking why Mountain Dew had to develop a marketing campaign with Lil Wayne to try and get black people to drink it, consider their logo used to be a hillbilly shooting at somebody. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

All of his opponents coincidentally died in a landslide (“manspreading” on the subway)

Meanwhile, congratulations to Trump’s BFF Vladimir Putin, who was elected yesterday for his fourth term as president of Russia. He won in a landslide. His opponents coincidentally died in a landslide. All of them. --Jimmy Kimmel

This weekend was St. Patrick’s Day! And of course, there was a big parade here in New York, and a lot of men were wearing kilts. It made the “manspreading” on the subway even worse than normal. --Jimmy Fallon

In Washington, the White House celebrated by dyeing the fountain on the South Lawn green, which backfired when the president yelled, “Mountain Dew!” and dove right in. --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

What's your secret?

The last polls before Scott Walker dropped out of the presidential race found the Wisconsin governor was polling at one half of 1 percent. Bobby Jindal said, “What's your secret?” –Seth Meyers

According to a new study, there have been more deaths this year from selfie-related incidents than there have been from shark attacks. Good. –Seth Meyers

A pair of Ohio teens were caught this weekend using a beer bong to drink full two-liter bottles of Mountain Dew. It's a rare case where the punishment is the crime. –Seth Meyers

You probably know it by its Hindi name, Mountain Dew

Earlier this week, a woman in Taiwan fulfilled her husband’s last wishes and invited strippers to perform at his funeral. She said it was the least she could do, because when he asked for strippers at his funeral, she murdered him. –Seth Meyers

A farmer in India is claiming that he’s made over $1 million in the last four years by selling bull semen. Though you probably know it by its Hindi name, Mountain Dew. –Seth Meyers