All because they couldn't even beat Donald Trump after rigging their own primaries (I'm King of the Jungle!)

A lion walks up to a zebra and says,

"Hey zebra! You are a ridiculous looking animal!

You're black, you're white, you're half mule

and half donkey.

Look at me. I'm lean and I'm mean.

I'm King of the Jungle!"

The zebra shrugs off the insult and walks on...

The lion then comes upon a giraffe and says,

"Hey, giraffe! You are a ridiculous looking animal!

You gotta long neck and tiny antlers on the top

of your head!

Look at me. I'm lean and I'm mean.

I'm King of the Jungle!"

Finally, the lion comes upon a frog and says,

"Hey, frog! You are a ridiculous looking animal!

You're green and you're slimy.."

Before the lion could finish his next sentence

the frog says,

"Screw you! I've been sick!"

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She's in first place with a 37% blood alcohol level (if you bring a Subway token, they'll let you play first base)

According to a recent poll, Kamala Harris is now favored to become the Democratic Party's 2028 presidential nominee. She's in first place with a 37% blood alcohol level. —Tom Shillue

A 35-year-old Australian man died after the third fatal shark attack in the same area this month. To stay safe, officials are reminding people to always swim with a fat buddy. —Tom Shillue

And finally, a New York Knicks ticket for game three of the NBA Finals is going for $51,000. Meanwhile, the New York Mets say if you bring a Subway token, they'll let you play first base. —Tom Shillue 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do not leave the house unless you absolutely need to buy weed (No, you take a bite first)

Today was also bitterly cold in the Northeast, with lows in the single digits. And I cannot stress this part enough, okay? Do not leave the house unless you absolutely need to buy weed. --Jimmy Fallon

"Congress is considering a law that would allow commuters to bring their dogs and cats on Amtrak trains. It's all part of their plan to make Amtrak smell better." –Jimmy Fallon

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un invited South Korean officials to dinner. It was described as two hours of "You take a bite." "No, you take a bite first." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It would be a real shame if something happened to your package (920 Pennsylvania Avenue)

Workers at the Adamson Warehouse in Staten Island voted to become the first Amazon workers in the country to form a Union. The new Union explains Amazon’s new slogan, ‘It would be a real shame if something happened to your package.’ —Colin Jost

Michael Cohen also provided congress with copies of letters he wrote on Trump’s behalf threatening his high schools and colleges not to release his SAT scores. And while Cohen did not release what those scores were, let’s just say that Trump lives closer to 920 Pennsylvania Avenue than to 1600. --Colin Jost, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Only one man can save us.. (he'll keep going until he finds one that fits)

Breaking his previous Guinness World Record, a German man has collected 11,000 different snow globes. He said he'll keep going until he finds one that fits. —Greg Gutfeld

So, whistleblowers alleged that a Justice Department probe into the Clinton Foundation was marred by conflicts of interest. One interest, not wanting to get murdered. —Greg Gutfeld

A Chinese billionaire has allegedly fathered more than a hundred children born in the USA. They say it's all part of a nefarious plot to raise the cost of car insurance. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it’s the Catholic version of RuPaul’s Drag Race (Well back to the wallet factory)

There is a search for a new pope after Pope Francis died on Monday morning at the age of 88. Nobody is going to be more insufferable this week than your friend who saw the movie Conclave and now knows everything about how it works. I’ll tell you how it works: over the next few weeks, 135 flamboyantly dressed cardinals will gather to pass judgment on a series of aspiring candidates and in a lot of ways, it’s the Catholic version of RuPaul’s Drag Race. —Jimmy Kimmel

Today was take your kids to work day, which I admit I misunderstood. I didn't know it had to be my kid. Well back to the wallet factory. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

America's fourth favorite Bush (New Yorkers are gonna be so excited to finally try marijuana)

“The first licences for recreational marijuana have also finally been produced in New York. New Yorkers are gonna be so excited to finally try marijuana.” —Stephen Colbert

Jeb is America's fourth favorite Bush — after George, the other George, and of course, the baked beans. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Praising the Deep State (the guy who was sitting next to her is not)

After the Bush family announced that they will not attend this

week's Republican National Convention, Newt Gingrich this

morning told interviewers that he believes the Bushes are

behaving childishly. When reached for comment, Jeb hid behind

his mom's leg. –Seth Meyers

"A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby right

in the middle of the flight. I'm happy to report that the mother and

child are doing fine, while the guy who was sitting next to her is

not." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

“Not us!” said the New York Giants (Fred Lobster)

According to a new poll, 71 percent of American men believe they face pressure to act interested in sports. “Not us!” said the New York Giants. –Seth Meyers

A couple in Arkansas recently named their baby Olivia Garten in honor of the restaurant chain Olive Garden. Olivia is joined at home by her older brother, Fred Lobster. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings (drone crimes)

“Stimulus checks will soon be arriving for those who need them

and will include an extra $500 per child. Finally a reason for

Trump to acknowledge the existence of Eric.” —Stephen Colbert

Meanwhile in Zambia an energy drink has been banned after it was found to contain viagra. So, obviously it’s not a soft drink. --Stephen Colbert

“Now, and it turns out, the president is not legally allowed to sign checks from the I.R.S. So instead, Mnuchin decided to put the president’s name in the ‘memo’ section of the check. Still better than Trump’s alternative: tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings.” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

All because they couldn't even beat Donald Trump after rigging their own primaries (So what are you in for?)

A Disneyland guest was arrested for stripping off his clothes and walking around nude on It’s a Small World. Which is the all-time worst answer to the question, so what are you in for? —Colin Jost

Doritos has created a new software called Doritos Silent, which removes the sound of eating from video calls. Not to be outdone, Taco Bell has created new software that removes the sound of screaming from bathrooms. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It's in the Constitution -- the funding and stuff (Free Palestine)

"As America looks desperately ahead to the next administration, the current one, apparently, has not left yet. For instance, last week Congress passed the National Defense Authorization bill for 2008, which controls the funding for our national defense, including wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and, who knows, maybe a few surprise countries.

Anyway, this is Congress' right, they're allowed to collect taxes, run the post office, get their own gym, and, you know, they get to raise and support armies. It's in the Constitution -- the funding and stuff.

Well, funny story, President Bush added four, I guess you call them re-interpretations to the bill Congress passed. I believe they're called signing statements. For instance, they passed and signed a law that says you can't use taxpayer money to build permanent military bases in Iraq, and the president is saying, 'Uh, yeah, no, I think I can.'

And the law they passed strengthens protections for whistleblowers. Which, I guess the president is saying he can un-blow. And the president rejected a couple of other provisions concerning Congress' ability to get intelligence assessments or investigate waste mismanagement and the reason that he gave was, uh, let me see if I can find -- He gave no reason." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Edward Snowden, Glenn Greenwald & Chris Hedges on NSA Leaks, Assange & Protecting a Free Internet

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry  

He said it's the second best $800 he's ever spent (Is this about that speeding ticket?)

July 2013

"Great news for NSA leaker Edward Snowden. He's just been named Cinnabon Customer of the Month in the Moscow Airport." –David Letterman

"Osama bin Laden once got a speeding ticket in Pakistan. This guy had no respect for the law! When SEAL Team 6 broke into the house, he said to them, 'Is this about that speeding ticket?'" –David Letterman 

"The United States is no longer the fattest country in the world. Please help us, Paula Deen. We're no longer the fattest country in the world. That's why they're bringing back Twinkies. The fattest people in the world now are Mexicans. And that's, of course, because they're all living here." –David Letterman

"Despite his prostitution scandal several years ago, Eliot Spitzer is running for comptroller of New York. He's paying someone $800 a day to collect signatures to put him on the ballot. He said it's the second best $800 he's ever spent." –Conan O'Brien

"In a new interview, former President George W. Bush called the immigration system broken. And not just in this country. He said other countries also are filled with foreigners and we have to get them out." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Finally! We would love to be watched (Damage Report)

June 2013

"The new Superman movie opens on Friday. It's a great story: When Superman's dad realizes his son is gifted with X-ray vision and super hearing, he puts him in a rocket and sends him toward earth, because he knows with those powers he can get a job in the Obama administration." –Jay Leno

"A former technical assistant for the CIA named Edward Snowden leaked the story that the federal government was collecting phone records from Verizon customers. Snowden said, 'You're being watched.' To which NBC executives said, 'Finally! We would love to be watched.'" –Jay Leno

"People are asking how this Snowden guy could download all this classified information and give it to a British newspaper without the NSA knowing about it. I think I know the answer. If you don't want the NSA spying on you, get a job working at the NSA. That's how it works." –Jay Leno

"Snowden said today he was going to disclose all this information earlier, but he wanted to wait until after the election. To which Mitt Romney said, 'Hey, thanks a lot. Appreciate it.'" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

At this point, does Donald Trump have any ‘gruntled’ employees? (and that was definitely an option)

“Even before the hearing began, Trump went on the offensive, tweeting: ‘I don’t know the so-called whistle-blower Rick Bright, never met him or even heard of him, but to me he is a disgruntled employee, not liked or respected by people I spoke to and who, with his attitude, should no longer be working for our government!’ That’s quite a preamble. [as Trump] ‘Before I assassinate this guy’s character, let me first say, I have no idea what I’m talking about.’” —Stephen Colbert

“That’s right — ‘I don’t know him, never met him, don’t know anything about him, but he sucks.’ At this point, does Donald Trump have any ‘gruntled’ employees?” —Jimmy Kimmel

“In an interview, Trump brushed off projections of 100,000 American dead as the ‘bottom level of the scale’ that could have been worse. (Colbert as Trump) ‘Yes, the number of dead is actually unthinkable, but to be fair, how about a little gratitude – I didn’t kill all of you, and that was definitely an option.’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Trump forced Mike Pence to watch the Elton John movie (NRA Logic)

“The whistle-blower went on to say that the official was visibly shaken by what had transpired. That must have been some phone call. Apparently, no one has seen a White House staffer that shaken up since Trump forced Mike Pence to watch the Elton John movie.” --Jimmy Fallon

“He says the whistle-blower owes him an apology. He said the whistle-blower’s lawyer is a big Democrat. Which, you know who else was a big Democrat? Donald Trump, like 12 years ago.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Not only is Trump lashing out, he’s now demanding an apology from everyone involved in the impeachment. Then women, minorities, the disabled, Mexico and Puerto Rico were like, ‘You first.’” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Vote for Peace (The sexy whistleblower costume)

Donald Trump has said that it was a “Perfect Call” about a million times. Perfect? Trump refers to hanging up as nailing the dismount. --Bill Maher

I can tell liberals are really excited about this one, you know why? Because I was checking out the Halloween store in West Hollywood the other day, don't ask.You know what is flying off the shelf? The sexy whistleblower costume. --Bill Maher

Look there is a real chance we will know once and for all if Trump did the things he openly admits to doing. --Bill Maher

My question is if it was such a perfect call why are you behaving like a bed-wetter trying to hurry up and wash the sheets. --Bill Maher

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

he tweeted it from the Abraham Lincoln room in the John F. Kennedy Library (It's sad in America...)

“Some of the transcript is a little hard to follow because Zelensky’s English isn’t very good and, well, Trump’s is even worse.” --James Corden

“It actually would have been better for Trump if the whole transcript had just said ‘unintelligible.’” --Seth Meyers

“Following House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s announcement of impeachment proceedings against President Trump, Trump tweeted this morning that there is, ‘no president in the history of our country who has been treated so badly as I have.’ Even more amazing, he tweeted it from the Abraham Lincoln room in the John F. Kennedy Library.” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I wish I looked like I was attacked by hungry badgers? (Only an idiot would do that)

“And you might be wondering, ‘If this phone call is so damning, why did Trump even release the transcript? Only an idiot would do that.’ Exactly.” --Trevor Noah

“The White House released the transcript, Congress has officially received the full whistle-blower’s report, and we’ll have to wait to find out what happens next. And it could be anything. We could find out that Mike Pence also pressured Ukraine on a call or we could find out the secret identity of the whistle-blower. Spoiler alert: I think it is Tekashi 69. That guy’s snitching on everybody.” --Trevor Noah, referring to the rapper who became a witness for the prosecution in a racketeering and firearms case 

“This is what Trump does. He does this all the time. Like Trump is the only person who would do something so bad right out in the open that it makes you question whether it’s actually bad, right? It’s like a powerful thing — it’s the same way that Kanye can walk around basically in rags but because he does it so confidently we just go, ‘I guess that was the style now. I wish I looked like I was attacked by hungry badgers?’” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”