It’s gonna be a long party. Go slow (mobile home cheese)

When I was eighteen my friend Tim and I, we packed up his Volare and we moved from Minnesota to Florida. We wanted to move to Texas but the front end of his car was out of alignment. --Mitch Hedberg

I love cottage cheese, that's why I want to try other dwelling cheese's too. I want to try studio apartment cheese or maybe igloo cheese or if I'm feeling adventurous, mobile home cheese. —Mitch Hedberg

A lot of radio stations, they like to use  frequency numbers to count down the days of summer. Like FM 107 will celebrate 107 days of summer. You know AM stations can't do this. We are AM 1610 celebrating the sixteen-hundred and ten days of the next four and a half years. It’s gonna be a long party. Go slow. —Mitch Hedberg

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You bet! Where's Uhura? (did in fact not get a kid)

A McDonald's employee will face charges for putting fries in her mouth before serving them to a customer. On the bright side, it's the first time McDonald's fries were actually served warm. —Greg Gutfeld

A California judge has banned the Cars for Kids jingle after ruling that the charity misled donors. True. Our investigative reporter found out that people who donated a car did in fact not get a kid. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It comes pre-crashed (the world's longest receipt)

Today is the first day of the New York Auto Show. It went well. Only 30 cars were stolen. They've even made a new Tiger Woods edition SUV. It comes pre-crashed. —Tom Shillue

CVS plans to open 60 new stores in 2026. It's all part of a bigger plan to create the world's longest receipt. —Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess my bologna really does have a first name (I will never be sober again)

Researchers somewhere studied 75 brands of hot dogs and found some of them contained human DNA. I guess my bologna really does have a first name. –Stephen Colbert

Audience, I’m worried that once they make self-driving cars, I will never be sober again. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”