Are you beginning to miss the days when we were ruled by a mad English king? (And by God, who could question Wall Street's judgment?)

"It's day nine of the government shutdown. Are you like me? Are you beginning to miss the days when we were ruled by a mad English king?" –David Letterman

"How about that Harry Potter movie? Opened today as a matter of fact. In this one, Harry goes up against Dick Cheney and his secret CIA hit squad." --David Letterman

"Wall Street says they prefer Mitt Romney for president. And by God, who could question Wall Street's judgment?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump's own personal kryptonite (Duck Season! Rabbit Season!)

Still recovering from yesterday’s Oval Office Battle Royale between Trump, Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi and the corpse of Mike Pence. He looks fresh. They ice him down every night. He’s like salmon. Donald Trump is trying to put a positive spin on Donald Trump’s performance. But one person’s not buying that: that’s Donald Trump.

Because according to witnesses, Trump “Stormed out of the Oval Office and threw his briefing papers across the room.” Oh, No! Now how is he going to read his briefing? Witnesses say that Trump was mainly frustrated with Chuck Schumer saying that “His old sparring buddy got the better of him. Schumer had goaded him into it.” Schumer got Trump but using Trump's own personal kryptonite: Opening his mouth.

Trump said, “Chuck, you want to shut down the government.” Then Schumer said, No sir. You want to shut down the government.” Then Trump said, “Yes I do. Checkmate.” I have only seen negotiating that good one time before. It was between Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. “Rabbit Season! Duck Season! Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season! Duck Season!” Fire! --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So far, he's declared war on only six of the countries in Epcot Center (they had a layover in Atlanta)

Lindsey Graham was spotted vacationing at Disney World in Florida amid the government shutdown. So far, he's declared war on only six of the countries in Epcot Center. —Tom Shillue

NASA's Artemis II rocket just escaped Earth's gravitational pole and is on its way to the moon. Yeah, it would have made it there sooner, but they had a layover in Atlanta. —Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Bitter, with hints of anger and resentment (invisibility cloak)

The Harry Potter Studio Tour just announced that it's hosting a Valentine's Day dinner in the Great Hall from Hogwarts. It's great for couples, or for single guys who claim their date is wearing an “invisibility cloak.” –Jimmy Fallon

And get this -- the shutdown might also delay the release of new wines. When asked about how they feel about it, wine makers said, "Bitter, with hints of anger and resentment." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, gotta go with the Taliban on this one (Nope — just butts)

A Harvard psychologist who studies dreams recently said that dogs likely dream of our faces, our scents, and trying to please us. Then the dogs said, "Nope — just butts." –Jimmy Fallon

"Nobody’s happy about the government shutdown. In fact, the Taliban just issued a statement where they criticized Congress for putting themselves before everyone else. You know things are bad when Americans are saying, 'Yeah, gotta go with the Taliban on this one.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, everyone is suffering (he's kind of a bummer to hang out with)

"This is reported to be the 12th time Harold Camping has predicted the end of the world, the first time being in 1978. Not only is he bad at predicting things but he's kind of a bummer to hang out with." –Jimmy Kimmel

"National parks are shut down. NASA is shut down. There is one government building still open. That is the congressional gym – the exclusive gym where congressmen work out. But the gym is not fully operational because towel service is no longer available due to the shutdown. So, everyone is suffering." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unfortunately, it's only in rats (They can finally stop landing planes using Google Maps)

And finally, an experimental serum could reverse baldness within 20 days. Unfortunately, it's only in rats. —Greg Gutfeld

“Last night, after 43 days, President Trump signed a bill to end the longest government shutdown in history. Yes. Over. It was a special moment. Air traffic controllers at Newark popped open a few bottles of champagne and then they found out the shutdown had ended. Pilots are thrilled. They can finally stop landing planes using Google Maps.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s was like a whole stadium full of Melanias (This was such a big cave by the Democrats that Bruce Wayne offered to buy it)

“The democrats are caving on the government shutdown. This was such a big cave by the Democrats that Bruce Wayne offered to buy it.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“President Trump got booed while attending the Washington Commanders football game. Do you think he can hear the boos or does the narcissism force field block it all out?” — Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s was like a whole stadium full of Melanias.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

just because they’re cutting off your food and want to cut off your health insurance, that doesn’t mean they don’t care (Trust Me)

The government shutdown, now the longest in US history is at 37 days. Trump has been desperately trying to convince anyone who will listen that Democrats are responsible for the shutdown and that it has nothing to do with him trying to hide the Epstein files. The gaslighting has reached a fever pitch, as Trump cuts off the supply of food to children, families, senior citizens, etc.

The Republican House speaker, Mike Johnson, wants you to know: just because they’re cutting off your food and want to cut off your health insurance, that doesn’t mean they don’t care.

As Johnson told reporters: “Every hardworking American in any place that’s missed a paycheck, anyone who has been made to suffer … anyone who is hurting, you have a home in the Republican party.”

Yes, you have a home in the Republican party! You’ll be living under the stairs like Harry Potter and you’re not allowed in the fridge, but you do have a home. —Jimmy Kimmel

The government shutdown, is now the longest in US history at 38 days. The shutdown has already wreaked havoc on air travel, and that havoc is about to get even reekier, as air traffic controllers aren’t being paid and many aren’t showing up to work. So many, in fact, that the Federal Aviation Administration has directed airlines to cut 10% of their flights at the busiest airports. So unfortunately it may be time to try your new favorite airline: the bus. If you’re traveling for Thanksgiving, you might want to leave now. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Pretty sure they just want internet censorship (when the warranty on her face runs out)

 The ongoing government shutdown means TSA employees haven't been paid in 36 days. Yeah. So now they're just groping you for tips. —Greg Gutfeld   

Nancy Pelosi announced she will not seek re-election to Congress in 2026, which which coincidentally is when the warranty on her face runs out. —Greg Gutfeld 

Nancy Pelosi announced she wouldn't seek reelection, saying the Democrats need new blood. That was before adding that she also needs new blood. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I know a few rest homes with plenty of vacancy (tramp stamps)

You could tell Andrew Cuomo's depressed about his humiliating loss to Mamdani. You know, maybe it's time for him to retire. I know a few rest homes with plenty of vacancy. —Greg Gutfeld 

The government shutdown has entered its 36th day, breaking the record as the longest ever. Things have gotten so bad, people are trying to buy food with their tramp stamps. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How many republicans does it take to change a light bulb? (I'm happy that the floor looks slippery)

Japan's new prime minister, Sanae Takaichi, said during a press conference that she is nominating President Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize. And I can't believe I get to say this, but thank God nobody listens to women. —Michael Che     

Critics of President Trump are calling him tone-deaf for posting pictures of his newly renovated White House bathroom during the government shutdown. But I'm happy that the floor looks slippery. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Easy Big Fella, all I did was ask your name (It felt like the last big bash before the Epstein files come out)

“There are so many bad parts of a government shutdown, but the worst so far is that as of this weekend, nearly 42 million Americans have lost their food stamp benefits. No one should understand the importance of daily meals more than Donald Trump. Hungry is his favorite emotion. It’s his whole thing – Trump and food is like JFK and sex, or Thomas Jefferson and sex, or Lincoln and his hat, which he had sex with.” —Stephen Colbert

Trump’s “disapproval rating” is 63%. And what do you do when you have a terrible approval rating? You throw the most ill-timed, tone-deaf Halloween party imaginable, A Great Gatsby party. You know, throwing a party at your private golf club where the theme is rich white people hours before millions of Americans are set to lose their food assistance might be the Trumpiest Trump move of all time. It felt like the last big bash before the Epstein files come out. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Is it … is it with his neck? (capitalism runs on blood)

“Republicans are refusing to cut a deal with the Democrats to fund health care, and they’re also refusing to do other parts of their job, like swearing in Representative-elect Adelita Grijalva, who won a special election in Arizona almost a month ago. Speaker Mike Johnson says he won’t swear her in until the House is back in session, after the government shutdown ends. Nope! Those two things have nothing to do with each other. That’s like saying, ‘Hey, man, I’d love to come to your child’s clarinet recital, but, ya know, Toyotathon.’” — Stephen Colbert

“Today we got a hum-doozy of a dinger because the R.N.C. chair spilled on the wild way Trump eats his McDonald’s order. So — not by mouth? Is it … is it with his neck?” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And that’s why they call him the peace president (I think he won that one/I have the best words)

There’s no end in sight for the government shutdown, which entered its 15th day on Wednesday. President Trump had been doing his part to bring the two sides together. But a social media post from Trump called the Democrats ‘the party of hate, evil and Satan.’ Hate, evil and Satan. And that’s why they call him the peace president.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Only four shutdowns have gone longer than this one, the longest being a two-month stoppage in 2018, when Trump shut the government down until they brought back the McRib or something. I think he won that one. “— Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But the good news is Congress is still getting paid (10 percent)

"To be honest, I didn't notice the government was shut down today. But the 800,000 government employees who had their hours cut or jobs taken away definitely did. But the good news is Congress is still getting paid." –Jimmy Kimmel

"A CNN poll showed that the Congress approval rating is down to 10 percent. That still doesn't seem low enough. Do one out of 10 people really approve of the job Congress is doing? And who are these people? I want to work for them." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is the kind of thing that could damage their 10 percent approval rating (Fixed this for you)

"People are saying now that before the government shutdown congressmen went out and got drunk – celebrating that they had shut down the government. This is the kind of thing that could damage their 10 percent approval rating." –David Letterman

"A few weeks ago President Obama was riding in an elevator, and it turns out a guy on the elevator had a gun. This is pretty scary stuff. Not as scary as riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, but still scary." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

One small silencing at a time (Release the Epstein files)

“At this point, finding a toenail in your salad has a seven-point lead over Donald Trump.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“If he’s looking to improve his approval numbers, I have an idea: Release the Epstein files.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“If the government shutdown lasts much longer soon when we fly we will have the same number of air traffic controllers the Wright brothers had.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You've just imagined every major country except the United States (Complete obliteration)

It's day six of the government shutdown. Which means they're no longer paying the nice young man who cuts Joe Biden's food. —Tyrus

When Jake Tapper texted President Trump and asked him what happens if Hamas insists on staying in power, Trump responded, "Complete obliteration”, which is what Kamala said when Jake asked her what she was doing Friday night. — Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I meant I'm pro-MY-life (Leap of Faith Sushi)

In Pennsylvania, a pro-life republican congressman is accused of asking his mistress to get an abortion so his wife wouldn't find out about his affair. He defended himself saying, "Hey, when I said I'm pro-life, I meant I'm pro-MY-life." –Conan O’Brien

"The government shutdown is going to slash the budget for food inspection. That is bad news for health advocates, but great news for the new Japanese restaurant – Leap of Faith Sushi." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”