Labor Day wish (Well, I guess Kid Rock is safe)

Rosie O'Donnell claims she got hit on by a handsome man after her facelift. Now, was this before or after his seeing eye dog licked her hand? —Greg Gutfeld 

The man with the world's smallest penis is getting his crowdfunding enlargement operation on August 17th. In a related story, that's the same day I'm guest hosting Jesse Waters Prime Time. —Greg Gutfeld 

According to a new study, hidden chemicals are lurking in 85% of personal care products like shampoo and soap. Well, I guess Kid Rock is safe. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She had to cut the interview short to go visit her daughter in prison (taking our Social Security and Medicare away)

Rosie O'Donnell went on far-left podcaster Cara Swisser's show this week where they both agreed that lesbians make better parents. Unfortunately, Rosie had to cut the interview short to go visit her daughter in prison. —Greg Gutfeld 

85 year-old actress Donna Mills says she will sell pictures of her feet on her new Only Fans account. She claims the biggest struggle will be moving her n*pples out of the photo. —Greg Gutfeld 

The number one women's tennis player, Aryna Sabalenka, says that she supports gender testing for everyone on the WTA tour. Women will have to prove they're female by taking two and a half hours to get ready. —Tom Shillue 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

One of the worst disasters to hit the U.S. (a very special episode of Judge Judy)

A security camera caught a married judge having sex with a law enforcement officer inside the courthouse. So this Thursday night, look for a very special episode of Judge Judy. —Greg Gutfeld 

Rosie O'Donnell admitted she recently got a facelift. No, no, no. Not the surgery. They just had to remove her from being passed out in the buffet. —Greg Gutfeld

 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Get out of paradox gree card! (dog years)

Rosie O'Donnell said she expected Donald Trump to revoke her citizenship after 21 years of his abuse. It's actually only been three, but she counts in dog years. —Greg Gutfeld

On Monday, torrential rain poured down and New York experienced its second wettest hour in history. The first was when I filled in for the naked cowboy. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the hottest country in the world right now (close to 50%)

President Trump said the king of Saudi Arabia told him the US is the hottest country in the world right now. He had said we were originally number four but we moved up three spaces after Rosie O'Donnell left. —Greg Gutfeld

San Francisco schools attempted to roll out a new equity program where students can pass with scores as low as 21 out of 100, or as students in San Francisco call it, close to 50%. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you can't contain El Chapo then your opinions are El Crapo (Like using a robot to feed live mice to The View)

So what's the primary mechanism of political survival? For most politicians it’s kicking the can down the road. They know never to deal with a problem when it arises because action always involves risk. So instead they offer platitudes. Instead of solutions hoping the status quo gets them reelected until it's time of course to cash in and become a lobbyist. But today we have a leader who's kicking nothing down the road. Instead, Donald Trump sees the can picks it up and crushes it with his bare hands. Think about it, DOGE, trade, deporting gangs, men and women's sports, getting Rosie O'Donnell on a plane to Ireland. —Greg Gutfeld

According to NBC News the Trump administration is considering taking out drug cartels with drone strikes. Drones on cartels, it's a modern solution to a modern problem. Like using a robot to feed live mice to The View. And even your hands are safe. —Greg Gutfeld

Mexico's president says bombing cartels won't address the root of the issue. Really? Doesn't wiping out the dudes who sling these drugs address the root issue? If you can't contain El Chapo then your opinions are El Crapo. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

so many great things have happened so fast (sucking face)

And finally research suggests that exposure to micro-plastics can increase the risk of diabetes and stroke. So some are already advising against using plastic water bottles, food containers and sucking face with Nancy Pelosi. —Greg Gutfeld

Since January 20th so many great things have happened so fast. The borders have been closed, fugitives have been caught, egg and gas prices have plummeted and Rosie O'Donnell moved to Ireland. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it was more of an auto crayon (going for pennies)

A new report claims Joe Biden used an autopen signature on nearly every document he signed. Democrats defended him saying it was more of an auto crayon. —Greg Gutfeld  

A Cheeto shaped like Michael Jordan is being auctioned off online for thousands of dollars. Meanwhile a cheese puff shaped like Rosie O'Donnell is going for pennies. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It's caused the Irish to brace for another potato famine (breaking stereotypes)

Well to protest the election of Donald Trump, Rosie O'Donnell has moved to Ireland. It's caused the Irish to brace for another potato famine. —Greg Gutfeld

But to her credit Rosie is once again breaking stereotypes by showing the world that you could be both a refugee and really fat. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

now we have the receipts for the condoms to prove it (lower than Rosie O’Donnell’s testicles)

Thanks to DOGE, we always knew they were screwing us now we have the receipts for the condoms to prove it. —Greg Gutfeld

The media is pushing the myth that Elon Musk is in it for himself. Have you seen Tesla's stock lately? It's lower than Rosie O’Donnell’s testicles. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if you’re a congressman who has to ask if you’re on it — you’re on it (creep list)

Last night was the Christmas tree lighting in Rockefeller Center. Did you see that? It was beautiful. And this year's tree has over 50,000 lights, which explains why NBC just told me I can't use a hair dryer for the next month. --Jimmy Fallon

It's big news. Michael Cohen was one of Trump's closest allies, and now he's working with Robert Mueller. I'm not saying Trump's running out of friends, but today he asked Rosie O'Donnell if she wanted to get lunch. --Jimmy Fallon

Another big story right now is this Roy Moore scandal. And get this — there’s apparently a “creep list” of men in Congress known for inappropriate sexual behavior. And if you’re a congressman who has to ask if you’re on it — you’re on it. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

In that part of the world he is known as Lawrence of Arrhythmia (Iraq the Musical)

"Congress repealed 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'. The Pentagon can now start production on 'Iraq the Musical.'" –David Letterman

"I try to be level-headed when you have a problem like the Ebola outbreak. A couple of years ago there was what they call a pandemic. I called my doctor and I asked him what to do in the case of a pandemic. He said to make sure you sterilize your pan." –David Letterman

"We're now getting the sordid details with Eliot Spitzer, former governor. Apparently, when he was out whoring, during sex he would always wear his black socks. I know what you are thinking. Thanks, Dave, for searing that image in our brains. For me, the only thing I keep on is my hairpiece. Black socks? Well, for heaven's sakes, who does this guy think he is, Rosie O'Donnell?" --David Letterman

Vice President Dick Cheney also paid a surprise visit to Iraq. And Cheney is very popular in the Middle East. I mean, he flashes them that nice, warm sneer and they just go crazy. And in that part of the world he is known as Lawrence of Arrhythmia." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

No, wait a minute. That's Rosie O'Donnell's blog (Keeping those ants in line)

"Ex-head of FEMA Michael Brown will be addressing Congress about the response to Katrina. Yeah, apparently he's almost ready to send help down there." --David Letterman

"President Bush right now is in India. He's in India. So it's comforting to know that Quick-Draw Cheney has his finger on the button." --David Letterman

"How about that Osama bin Laden? He's got another one of those videos. This is really creepy stuff. He is a maniacal extremist, he's full of threats, there's a lot of ranting. No, wait a minute. That's Rosie O'Donnell's blog." --David Letterman

"For the last 16 years the commissioner of the NFL has been Paul Tagliabue. Well, he's retiring. And listen to this, they had offered the job to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, honest to god, offered it to Condoleezza Rice, and she turned the job down. Now, when Janet Reno heard this, she said 'Yo, over here, let's go!'" --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Socialist Snowplows Are Coming!! (when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands)

from September 2010

"Former New York Congressman Rick Lazio was beaten by an unknown businessman named Carl Paladino, whose achievements include comparing a Jewish assembly speaker to Hitler unfavorably, endorsing a plan to turn prisons into dorms to teach welfare recipients about hygiene, and he's also known for forwarding racist joke emails and videos of a woman having sex with a horse to his friends. Like Lincoln never emailed his friends a video of a woman having sex with a horse!" –Jimmy Kimmel

"In Delaware, former Republican governor Mike Castle was defeated by Sarah Palin favorite Christine O’Donnell. Nobody knows what this woman does for a living, if anything. All we do know is that she's gone on the record to oppose masturbation, for real. I have a feeling Christine O'Donnell opposes masturbation the same way Bristol Palin opposes pre-marital sex." –Jimmy Kimmel

“I'm not a political person. I keep to myself. I’m not one to get involved in these things. I’m not proud to say I'll stand by as our leaders drag us into wars based on false pretenses. I’ll stand by while our oceans are polluted by greedy corporations who only care about money. I'll stand by while our military blatantly discriminates against our own armed forced based on their sexual preferences. But I'll tell you something. When our right to masturbate is threatened, that's where I draw the line. What goes on between me in my own bedroom, and car sometimes, is my business, not the government's. So listen up, Christine O'Donnell -- and Rosie O'Donnell too while we're at it -- we need to send a message to Washington, people. This November, I want everyone who believes in basic human rights to touch themselves in the voting booth. I want to say this to Christine O'Donnell. I want you and your followers to know one thing: you’ll take away this penis when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands." –Jimmy Kimmel 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

NBC just told me I can't use a hair dryer for the next month (Trump asked Rosie O'Donnell if she wanted to get lunch)

Last night was the Christmas tree lighting in Rockefeller Center. Did you see that? It was beautiful. And this year's tree has over 50,000 lights, which explains why NBC just told me I can't use a hair dryer for the next month. --Jimmy Fallon

It's big news. Michael Cohen was one of Trump's closest allies, and now he's working with Robert Mueller. I'm not saying Trump's running out of friends, but he today he asked Rosie O'Donnell if she wanted to get lunch. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

NBC just told me I can't use a hair dryer for the next month (I'm not saying Trump's running out of friends...)

Last night was the Christmas tree lighting in Rockefeller Center. Did you see that? It was beautiful. And this year's tree has over 50,000 lights, which explains why NBC just told me I can't use a hair dryer for the next month. --Jimmy Fallon

It's big news. Michael Cohen was one of Trump's closest allies, and now he's working with Robert Mueller. I'm not saying Trump's running out of friends, but he today he asked Rosie O'Donnell if she wanted to get lunch. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

they just sobered up from the Super Bowl (decaying political machines)

The NFL season kicked off tonight with a game between the Atlanta Falcons and the Philadelphia Eagles. And it's perfect timing for the Eagles' fans. 'Cause they just sobered up from the Super Bowl. --Jimmy Fallon

Fantasy Football also began tonight. It's a fun way for people who are bad at real sports to realize that they're also bad at imaginary sports. --Jimmy Fallon

Later this season, too, the NFL will hold a game in Mexico. It's all part of the League's plan to combine as many things that Trump hates as possible. It's really clever. Rosie O'Donnell is doing the halftime show. Jeff Sessions is a referee. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Bush called immediately to make sure the oil was okay (The other half I wasted)

"Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has called for universal health care coverage for all Californians. He came up with this idea while falling down a hill in Idaho and breaking his leg." --Jay Leno

"The U.S. submarine Newport News collided with a Japanese oil tanker in the Straits of Hormuz. When President Bush heard about it, the president called immediately to make sure the oil was okay." --Jay Leno

"President Bush addressed the nation with his new Iraq plan in a live speech broadcast from the White House library. Or as President Bush calls it, 'My books-on-tape room.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Also, during his speech Bush revealed his plan for phased withdrawal of Rosie O'Donnell from 'The View.'" --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

There is a huge difference. Bush knew how to get out of Vietnam (class warfare/income inequality/ wage stealers)

"Ted Kennedy attacked the president. He said Iraq is George Bush's Vietnam. Which is very unfair. There is a huge difference. Bush knew how to get out of Vietnam." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is now calling for sending 21,000 more troops to Iraq. How does he come up with that number? I don't even think 21,000 people in the country think it's a good idea." --Jay Leno

"In a prime time speech last night, President Bush said that he was sending in 20,000 more troops to end the war. He wasn't talking about Iraq. He was talking about the war between Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It makes the Iraqi government look stable (Cheney covered him with his shotgun)

"President Bush sneaked into town yesterday. He landed his helicopter right in Central Park. Security was very tight. He stepped out of the helicopter and Cheney covered him with his shotgun. " --David Letterman

"The good news is that Bush's trip to New York City was successful. He got Rosie O'Donnell to step down." --David Letterman

"Rosie O'Donnell has announced she is leaving 'The View.' After she made the announcement, she shaved her head and checked into rehab. Do you believe the turnover at that show? My God. It makes the Iraqi government look stable." --David Letterman

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html