Can you believe the balls on that guy's neck? (Best Cigarette of Your Life day)

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell published an op-ed for Fox News this week, calling for bipartisanship in Congress. So the same guy who stole a Supreme Court seat from Merrick Garland wants bipartisanship. Can you believe the balls on that guy's neck? --Seth Meyers

"The design for George W. Bush's presidential library was unveiled Wednesday in Dallas, and features a lantern-shaped roof that will glow at night. Mr. President, I don't want to make any more jokes about you being dumb, but you have to meet me halfway. Don't build a library where the lights are on when no one is home." –Seth Meyers

Today is the Great American Smokeout day, which encourages smokers to try and go 24 hours without having a cigarette. Which means tomorrow is the Best Cigarette of Your Life day. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, that’s the censored version (Officials first became suspicious in 1991)

The publisher of Hillary Clinton’s upcoming memoir announced today that the title of her book will be the statement “What Happened.” Well, that’s the censored version. –Seth Meyers

Snoop Dogg was arrested and released in Sweden this weekend on suspicion of using illegal drugs. Officials first became suspicious in 1991. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The working poor are the major philanthropists of our society (I've had the same pack since 1975)

"I was so drunk I walked into a gay bar. It was terrible. There were fifteen guys for every guy."--Rodney Dangerfield

"I have been trying to quit smoking. My wife and I made an agreement that we would only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack since 1975." --Rodney Dangerfield

"I drink too much. I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it."--Rodney Dangerfield

"My mother never breastfed me. She always had a headache."--Rodney Dangerfield

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which means tomorrow is the Best Cigarette of Your Life” day (that place that serves unlimited breadsticks)

Bernie Sanders this weekend argued against the major political fundraising families, saying, “That is not called democracy, that is called oligarchy.” Bernie, you gotta dumb it down a little. Most Americans think “oligarchy” is that place that serves unlimited breadsticks. –Seth Meyers

Today is the Great American Smokeout day, which encourages smokers to try and go 24 hours without having a cigarette. Which means tomorrow is the Best Cigarette of Your Life” day. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even if you're just going out to have a smoke (Even when they don't lose, they don't win)

The Surgeon General said more Americans should start going on walks. Then to everyone's surprise, he added, "Even if you're just going out to have a smoke." –Jimmy Fallon

After losing all 16 of their games last season, the Cleveland Browns' first game of the year ended in a tie. Yep, the Cleveland Browns: Even when they don't lose, they don't win. --Jimmy Fallon

"Officials in Iowa are facing criticism over a new law that lets blind people own guns. The law has actually received support from two major groups: the NRA and deer." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Should we tell them? I wanna tell them... (I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it)

"I was so drunk I walked into a gay bar. It was terrible. There were fifteen guys for every guy."--Rodney Dangerfield

"I have been trying to quit smoking. My wife and I made an agreement that we would only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack since 1975." --Rodney Dangerfield

"I drink too much. I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it."--Rodney Dangerfield

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If he gets tired, they're just going to put a wig on an air horn and hope nobody notices (fluffle)

I heard about a new study that found that not working out is even worse for your health than smoking. When they heard that, Americans were like, "Great. Smoking it is." --Jimmy Fallon

Guys, the midterm elections are coming up. And I saw that by election day, President Trump will have spoken at over 30 rallies in 5 weeks. The media says that's a lot of time to spend away from the White House, or as White House staffers put it, "Shut up." Yeah, I read that Trump is planning to hold 10 more rallies before November 6th. If he gets tired, they're just going to put a wig on an air horn and hope nobody notices. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even if you're just going out to have a smoke (I think we know the REAL reason Tom Brady destroyed his cell phone)

The Surgeon General said more Americans should start going on

walks. Then to everyone's surprise, he added, "Even if you're just

going out to have a smoke." –Jimmy Fallon

Earlier tonight was the big season opener for the NFL, where the Patriots played their first game since the “Deflategate” scandal. I don’t want to say the refs spent a long time examining balls, but today, they were hired by the TSA. –Jimmy Fallon

Everyone’s still talking about Donald Trump. Even Tom Brady. In an interview yesterday, Brady said that Donald Trump occasionally calls him up to give “motivational speeches.” I think we know the REAL reason Tom Brady destroyed his cell phone. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they are embarrassed, a little humiliated, and there's a hint of shame (Great. Smoking it is.)

Get this -- a cheating scandal has rocked the world of wine tasting. That's right. It's rocked the world of wine tasting. A cheating scandal came out that some tasters were given the answers to an exam. The wine tasters say that they are embarrassed, a little humiliated, and there's a hint of shame. --Jimmy Fallon

But Trump's been busy this morning. He published a "USA Today" op-ed about healthcare. A lot of people are saying it had several factual errors. Turns out a pharmacist isn't someone who works on a farm. And shingles isn't a tube of potato chips. That's not -- He got that wrong. --Jimmy Fallon

I saw that Trump actually scheduled a rally in Florida on Halloween. He's giving out tickets by saying it's a live performance of "The Great Pumpkin." --Jimmy Fallon

I heard about a new study that found that not working out is even worse for your health than smoking. When they heard that, Americans were like, "Great. Smoking it is." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even when they don't lose, they don't win (Even if you're just going out to have a smoke)

"Officials in Iowa are facing criticism over a new law that lets blind people own guns. The law has actually received support from two major groups: the NRA and deer." –Jimmy Fallon

Earlier tonight was the big season opener for the NFL, where the Patriots played their first game since the “Deflategate” scandal. I don’t want to say the refs spent a long time examining balls, but today, they were hired by the TSA. –Jimmy Fallon

After losing all 16 of their games last season, the Cleveland Browns' first game of the year ended in a tie. Yep, the Cleveland Browns: Even when they don't lose, they don't win. --Jimmy Fallon

The Surgeon General said more Americans should start going on walks. Then to everyone's surprise, he added, "Even if you're just going out to have a smoke." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So far, the only person we can rule out is Billy Joel — he’s got an airtight alibi (jacked on enough cocaine to bring down a bison)

"It's been five years since the economic meltdown. And while even I used to be mad at Wall Street -- at this point, who can even remember who wired the global financial system to a roulette wheel, while jacked on enough cocaine to bring down a bison?" –Stephen Colbert

At the beginning of the speech, he listed some of the natural disasters we've endured this year. [clip of Trump] "We have endured floods and fires and storms." And Stormys! Don't forget her! She was one of the most expensive disasters for you, personally. --Stephen Colbert

“House Republicans assigned Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia to the Education and Labor Committee this week. Oh, come on! The lady who denies school shootings is in charge of the schools? Why not just appoint Surgeon General Joe Camel? ‘Warning: Smoking can make you dangerously cool.’” —Stephen Colbert

“In the midst of the devastating California wildfires of 2018, Marjorie Taylor Greene went on Facebook and claimed that the real and hidden culprit behind the fire was a laser from space triggered by some nefarious group of people. Who started the fire? So far, the only person we can rule out is Billy Joel — he’s got an airtight alibi.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it (I've had the same pack since 1975)

"I was so drunk I walked into a gay bar. It was terrible. There were fifteen guys for every guy."--Rodney Dangerfield

"I drink too much. I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it."--Rodney Dangerfield

"I have been trying to quit smoking. My wife and I made an agreement that we would only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack since 1975."--Rodney Dangerfield

"My mother never breastfed me. She always had a headache."--Rodney Dangerfield

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”