unless, you know, you’re feeling like an omelet (the world series of poker)

Elon Musk dresses like the first person eliminated from the world series of poker. —Jimmy Kimmel

“I tried something a little different this year. I set my clocks ahead four years. It didn’t work.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“When asked by reporters yesterday aboard Air Force One about the possibility of a recession, President Trump said that his tariffs will make the U.S. ‘so rich, you’re not going to know where to spend all that money’ — unless, you know, you’re feeling like an omelet.” — Seth Meyers

“During a Fox News interview, President Trump declined to rule out the possibility that his economic policies could cause a recession. Trump was, like, ‘Depends if we use my economic policies from this morning or this afternoon.’” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, Dwight D. Eisenhower, let Mike and Steve share a shower (butts)

"This weekend in Washington, D.C., there was a huge gay rights rally. And one of the most popular chants was, 'Hey, Obama, let mama marry mama.' Historians are calling this the best gay rights chant since 'Hey, Dwight D. Eisenhower, let Mike and Steve share a shower.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier this week — this is crazy — the country's first marijuana cafe opened up, which not only sells medical marijuana, but also has a restaurant where customers can eat. In a related story, the recession is over." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Police describe the suspect as pretty much anyone with a gold toilet brush (You know what? Just take it.)

"Economists say the recession is getting so bad, it's driving down the prices of many goods. In fact, folks, it has gotten so bad, the 99-cent store just changed its name to 'You know what? Just take it.'" --Conan O'Brien

"It has come out that when Moammar Gadhafi's Libyan compound was raided back in 2011, someone stole his gold toilet brush. Police describe the suspect as pretty much anyone with a gold toilet brush." –Conan O'Brien

This morning, Bernie Sanders endorsed Hillary Clinton. So, as promised, this afternoon, the Clinton campaign released Bernie Sanders' wife. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

And really, who loves foreigners more than Dick Cheney? (You know what that means?)

"Mitt Romney said that the 47 percent of people who don't pay taxes are going to vote for Obama. You know what that means? He's going to vote for Obama." –Jay Leno

"You know, they used to say a recession was when your neighbor lost his job, and a depression was when you lost your job. You probably heard this, right? See, now, a recession is when Wall Street guys get bailed out, and a depression is what you get thinking about it." --Jay Leno

"Oh, hey, and the University of Wyoming will open the new Dick Cheney Center for International Students. And really, who loves foreigners more than Dick Cheney?" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It has all the essential food groups: bacon, foil, and yellow (Get ready for some crazy sh*t)

July 2022

“The legislative bombshell that shocked Washington: Joe Manchin, the centrist Democrat who has repeatedly thwarted the Biden administration’s efforts to pass the Build Back Better plan, announced Wednesday that he would support a bill to address the climate crisis. The $369 Billion package aiming to reduce US carbon emissions by 40% by 2030, part of a larger measure known as the Inflation Reduction Act, pays for itself with a 15% corporate minimum tax rate on billion-dollar companies or larger and funding to beef up tax enforcement for the wealthiest Americans. Finally, the mega-rich will have to pay any taxes at all. It’s got Elon Musk so scared, he is as white as a ghost.” —Stephen Colbert

“Joe Manchin’s support for the bill is a marked departure from his holdout positions even days earlier. So what happened? Turns out Manchin was visited by the ghost of climate future.” —Stephen Colbert

“With a little more hope for our planet, we can now rest easy and freak out about the economy, amid news that the economy shrank for the second quarter in a row, raising fears that the US could enter a recession. That’s on top of record inflation, which has hit even the bacon, egg and cheese. The price of the beloved New York bodega staple has increased from $2.50 to $4.50 – which is a tough blow to city consumers, because the sandwich, a diet staple, has all the essential food groups: bacon, foil, and yellow”. —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Bush added, 'Case in point, I'm rich!' (Methuselah)

"John McCain apologized Tuesday after radio talk show host Bill Cunningham, who introduced McCain at a rally, repeatedly emphasized Barack's Obama's middle name, 'Hussein,' without once mentioning McCain's middle name, 'Methuselah.'" --Seth Meyers

"Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger on Thursday rushed to the aid of a 12-year-old student who had fainted during an event at his school. When the student came to and saw Schwarzenegger rushing toward him, he died." --Seth Meyers

"President Bush on Thursday said that the country is not heading for a recession and that the economy is actually robust. He added, 'Case in point, I'm rich!'" --Amy Poehler

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

So, be sure to check that mailbox in the house you used to live in before the sheriff came and took it away

"The other day President Charles in Charge has a press conference about the economy. He refused to say the word 'recession.' He says the word 'slow-down.' It's a 'slow-down.' This is because every time he has a meeting about the economy, Bush says to his advisors 'woah woah, slow down.'" --Bill Maher

"Bush says the economy will improve once those $300 rebate checks start arriving in the mailbox. So, be sure to check that mailbox in the house you used to live in before the sheriff came and took it away." --Bill Maher

"At the press conference, they asked him about the fact gas is approaching $4. You know what Bush said? He said, 'That's interesting. I hadn't heard that.' See, Bush thinks a news conference is where reporters give him the news." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html