Ich bin ein waterboarder (the most feared individual on the planet)

"The real question now is, is this a one-time thing, or will the vice president try to kill again." --David Letterman

"The Berlin Wall, very famous. That's where Dick Cheney delivered his famous line, 'Ich bin ein waterboarder.'" –David Letterman

"The former chef of the White House has written a tell-all book. For example, he says that Dick Cheney, Vice President, his favorite dish is a dish called Chicken Gitmo. It's chicken bound and gagged on a bed of rice." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which puts them about eight years behind the rest of us (By Mistake)

"The White House has announced that they no longer recognize Fox as a news organization which puts them about eight years behind the rest of us." –David Letterman

"I found out this by reading her memoir 'Going Rogue,' the Sarah Palin memoir. Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, believes the Berlin Wall ran between Kanye West and Kanye East." –David Letterman

"HBO is running a documentary about the election of Barack Obama called 'By the People.' It's all about the election of Barack Obama and after this they have a series, after this, about Barack Obama, they have a documentary about the election of George W. Bush. It's called, 'By Mistake.'" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s funny because he doesn’t pay taxes, or his employees (talk show hosts don’t anchor historic events)

July 2021

“Jeff Bezos went to space. So happy you could all join us tonight for a momentous day in the history of some people having way too much money.” —Stephen Colbert

“Here’s how I know it’s not important — I hosted the last one of these, OK? For Richard Branson. Lot of fun, but talk show hosts don’t anchor historic events — except, of course, when Arsenio Hall interviewed the Berlin Wall.” —Stephen Colbert

“Bezos wore a giant cowboy hat during his press conference. A cowboy hat? So he went into space and somehow became extra divorced.” —Stephen Colbert

“I guess it’s true what they say, billionaires and their rockets end up looking just like each other.” —Stephen Colbert

“Bezos said, ‘I want to thank every Amazon employee, and every Amazon customer, because you guys paid for all this’. It’s funny because he doesn’t pay taxes, or his employees.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is a test of the national emergency system (She knows what she did)

A Massachusetts family's dog was recently found 175 miles away from their home after it jumped a wall and escaped their yard, but, sure, walls work. --Seth Meyers

Do you ever notice that sometimes when Donald Trump gives a press conference he sounds like a 5-year-old telling you what he saw at the zoo. --Seth Meyers

Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez last week compared President Trump's border wall to the Berlin Wall. Hey, come on, it's nothing like that. That wall got built. --Seth Meyers

According to new research, the average female friendship has a lifespan of 16 years. When asked what happens after 16 years, women said, "She knows what she did." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Do you want to see my sex tape? (Kanye West and Kanye East)

"I found out this by reading her memoir 'Going Rogue,' the Sarah Palin memoir. Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, believes the Berlin Wall ran between Kanye West and Kanye East." –David Letterman

"On Monday, Oprah Winfrey and Sarah Palin will sit down and they're going to talk for an entire hour. And I was thinking, too bad John McCain didn't do that with her before he chose her as his running mate." –David Letterman

"Last night, on 'Larry King Live' former Miss California, Carrie Prejean, refused to talk about her sex tape. She got angry for Larry asking what she called, 'inappropriate questions.' Yeah, apparently Larry kept asking, 'Do you want to see my sex tape?'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Uh, helloooo? What?! (Ich bin ein water boarder)

"There is actually a big swine flu vaccine shortage all across the country, but you know who has gotten the vaccines? Executives at Citigroup, Goldman Sachs and JP Morgan. But in the company's defense, if those executives got sick, everything would stop, the companies would go under and the government would have to bail them out." –Jimmy Fallon

"Congressman John Boehner told a crowd of protesters yesterday that the new health care bill was the 'greatest threat to freedom he's ever seen.' And then the Taliban was like, 'Uh, helloooo? What?!'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The Berlin Wall, very famous. That's where Dick Cheney delivered his famous line, 'Ich bin ein water boarder.'" –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

I know words, I have the best words (which is also Trump's philosophy on marriage)

More bad news for President Trump. Former Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal, who allegedly had a relationship with Trump, just had a gag order lifted that previously prevented her from discussing the affair. Oh, I cannot wait to NOT hear the details. Her gag order may be over, but once she describes the affair, our gagging is just beginning. --James Corden

At a press conference yesterday, the president said he's optimistic about his upcoming meeting with North Korean President Kim Jong Un, but added that if the meeting isn't going well, he'll just get up and leave. Ah, yes. I remember when President Reagan went to the Berlin Wall, and said defiantly to the Soviet Union, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall — or, I can just leave, whichever is easier. Whatever you want to do. " --James Corden

He says if it's not going well he's just going to get up and leave — which is also Trump's philosophy on marriage. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Bush administration -- today (hookers, mistresses, interns)

"Saddam Hussein ended his hunger strike after just one missed meal. I think he finally realized a hunger strike only works if people don't want you to die." --Jay Leno

"The deputy secretary for the Department of Homeland Security was arrested after he tried to seduce a 14-year-old girl online, who was actually an undercover detective. I think the terror alert has been raised to creepy. Homeland Security? We need home room security. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Bush administration -- today." --Jay Leno

"This is why Republicans can't have sex scandals. They're just too creepy. The Democrats, they've got hookers, mistresses, interns -- not girl scouts!" --Jay Leno

What have you done with the real President Bush? (Berlin Wall)

"President Bush went to Germany today. Did not go well. When he landed, he kept asking to see the Berlin Wall." --Jay Leno

"President Bush said we should be patient with North Korea. He said we should use diplomacy. We should not rush into any kind of military action until we are sure, absolutely sure, what we are doing. At which point Dick Cheney grabbed him by the throat and said, 'What have you done with the real President Bush?'" --Jay Leno

"Anybody here from Washington, D.C.? Anybody going to Washington, D.C.? Be careful. Crime is on the rise in Washington, D.C. It's bad down there. As a matter of fact, congressmen are afraid to walk around with their bribe money. It's so bad that today Lincoln was found duct taped to his chair." --David Letterman