I had this exact same feeling in 1776 (You're going to need those)

"Speaking of John McCain, he says that people are so angry and concerned about America's future, that he sees a revolution coming. McCain said, 'I had this exact same feeling in 1776.'" --Conan O'Brien

"California is trying very hard to get out of debt. I can't believe this. The government of California is holding a garage sale to raise money for the state. A garage sale, ladies and gentlemen. Now, folks, even if you don't really need anything, this may be your only chance to haggle with Governor Schwarzenegger over a $2 spatula." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So basically, New York subway rules (Hookers? What are those?)

March 2022

“While the select committee looks into whether Trump used a burner phone, Trump released a statement saying: ‘I have no idea what a burner phone is, to the best of my knowledge I have never even heard of the term.’ Which is interesting, because his former national security adviser John Bolton today revealed that he and Trump have spoken about how people use burner phones. Whenever Trump doesn’t know about something, he claims to know everything about it, like ‘I know more about windmills than everybody.’ When it comes to things he might get in trouble for, all of a sudden he goes, ‘burner phones? Never heard of them. Hookers? What are those?’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Peace talks between Russia and Ukraine in Istanbul have shown marginal progress, but the vibes at these meetings have been very uneasy. According to reports, Ukraine warned its negotiators not to eat, drink or touch anything out of poison concerns. So basically, New York subway rules.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In between was a travel day for hookers (sometimes these jokes just write themselves)

September 2012

"The Republican Convention ended on Thursday. The Democratic Convention began last night. In between was a travel day for hookers." –David Letterman

"Last week at the Republican convention, no one mentioned the Tea Party. And listen to this, if it wasn't for Ann Romney, no one at the Republican convention would have mentioned Mitt." –David Letterman

"If Mitt Romney looks familiar it's because for 18 years on All My Children he played Palmer Courtland." –David Letterman

"Bill Clinton will be at the Democratic convention. Say what you will, but Clinton is still polling very well. I tell you, sometimes these jokes just write themselves." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Bush administration -- today (hookers, mistresses, interns)

"Saddam Hussein ended his hunger strike after just one missed meal. I think he finally realized a hunger strike only works if people don't want you to die." --Jay Leno

"The deputy secretary for the Department of Homeland Security was arrested after he tried to seduce a 14-year-old girl online, who was actually an undercover detective. I think the terror alert has been raised to creepy. Homeland Security? We need home room security. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Bush administration -- today." --Jay Leno

"This is why Republicans can't have sex scandals. They're just too creepy. The Democrats, they've got hookers, mistresses, interns -- not girl scouts!" --Jay Leno

under the influence of something besides a lobbyist (it's hard out there for pimp)

"Whatever the congressman was on, it's just nice to see a lawmaker under the influence of something besides a lobbyist." --Bill Maher

"Porter Goss the head of the CIA resigned suddenly amid rumors that it has something to do with a floating party that's been going on at the Watergate hotel for years, which involves congressman, lobbyists, defense contractors, and hookers. This is why you don't want your daughter to grow up to be a hooker -- she might fall in with a bad crowd." --Bill Maher

"In all fairness, we don't know if any of this might be true, but it might be true because Porter Goss's resignation letter cited a burdensome workload, wanting to spend more time with his family, and the fact that it's hard out there for pimp." --Bill Maher

the folks down there got blown more than once (The Dubyah Years)

"Bill Clinton said it is now recognized that he and Al Gore were right about global warming. Get the feeling right now Gore is going, 'We?' The only thing Clinton thought was hot back in the '90s was Paula Jones." --Jay Leno

"Here's the latest deal on the Hurricane Katrina/FEMA situation. FEMA's relief funds, $1.2 billion, were spent on things like a divorce, a sex change. Does this make you angry? Are you angry because you had to pay for your own divorce and your own sex change?" --David Letterman

"$1.4 billion in hurricane relief was spent on booze, was spent on vacations, spent on hookers. Well apparently, some of the folks down there got blown more than once." --David Letterman