“All the top people from Google, Apple, Amazon, you name it, lined up to eat beef stroganoff and kiss his ass, just as our founding fathers intended — to build a ballroom. It’s like a demented version of ‘Cinderella’ where the pumpkin is in charge.” — Jimmy Kimmel
“You know, on Saturday there is going to be another big protest march in every state in America and in many cities throughout the world. We call it the No Kings rally. The demonstrations will be peaceful, unless you’re watching Fox News, in which case they will be violent, vicious antifa riots led by savages who ‘hate America.’ So, just to be clear, peacefully protesting a wannabe dictator means you hate America. Attacking the Capitol to overturn an election? Patriotic walking tour.” — Jimmy Kimmel
“There is nothing more American than a political protest. The American Revolution was a No Kings rally.” — Jimmy Kimmel
"Speaking of John McCain, he says that people are so angry and concerned about America's future, that he sees a revolution coming. McCain said, 'I had this exact same feeling in 1776.'" --Conan O'Brien
"California is trying very hard to get out of debt. I can't believe this. The government of California is holding a garage sale to raise money for the state. A garage sale, ladies and gentlemen. Now, folks, even if you don't really need anything, this may be your only chance to haggle with Governor Schwarzenegger over a $2 spatula." --Conan O'Brien
"After embracing the gay community last week, the Vatican is now distancing itself from those comments. The Vatican explained, 'Hey, that was just one crazy weekend, OK? We've all had them, right?'" –Conan O'Brien
"Tonight President Obama and Mitt Romney debate foreign policy. Pundits say it will be close, but it will probably go to the candidate who wore the 'I killed Osama bin Laden' T-shirt." –Conan O'Brien
"Here now is a list of requirements for Dick Cheney's 'downtime suite': He wants bottled water. He wants decaffeinated coffee. He wants an ice bucket. He wants ammo. He wants the temperature at 68 degrees, the TV's must be tuned to Fox news. I was thinking, 'My God, I wish they would have put this much preparation into the Iraq War.'" --David Letterman
"Did you hear about this? Two State Department employees were fired -- this is a bit of a scandal -- because they were looking at Barack Obama's passport file. Not only that, but the same person was also looking at John McCain's Civil War records." --David Letterman
"Earlier today, in parts of the world, there was a total eclipse of the sun. President Bush said that the eclipse of the sun proves the unreliability of solar power." --David Letterman
"Still, an emotional highlight set the stage for the main speaker last night, Michelle Obama, Barack Obama's beautiful, accomplished, angry, communist wife. But she's just the candidate's spouse. I assume she just has to get through the speech without saying 'F*ck Whitey' (on screen: various cable pundits speaking of the need for her to prove she's 'one of y'all'). Hmm, she needs to prove she's human, eh? Well let's take a look [on screen: footage of Michelle Obama at convo]. Clearly bipedal, a chordate, she appears to have five-digit extremities and to possess sweat glands. Wait what's the weird hole in her face?! Oh my God! Oh wait, I have one too. Alright, I'll give you that you're human technically. But what about the elitist thing? [on screen: M. Obama talking about her family, and how her father who was a 'blue-collar city worker.'] Ooh, a city worker! La di da, too good for village work, eh? Didn't want to soil his lily blue-collar in the townships!" --Jon Stewart
The government has already begun handing out contracts to corporations to clean up and rebuild the country we haven't finished bombing yet. For instance, the army awarded a multi-million dollar contract to pay for extinguishing oil fires and repairing oil infrastructure. Who got it? Halliburton. Wait a minute, that name rings a bell - oh, I know, until 2000 its CEO was Dick Cheney. Cheney, that rings a bell - oh, I know, he's the vice president. Well, on the bright side, I won my office pool. –Jon Stewart
"As of today, same-sex couples may now legally get married in Vermont. So finally, finally, after years of waiting, we'll get to hear these words out of Vermont: 'I now pronounce you Ben and Jerry.'" --Conan O'Brien
"A spokesperson for Sarah Palin says she's about 85% finished with her book which means that Sarah Palin is finished with her book." --Conan O'Brien
"Speaking of John McCain, he says that people are so angry and concerned about America's future, that he sees a revolution coming. McCain said, 'I had this exact same feeling in 1776.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Donald Trump says he has a big surprise in store for everybody at the Republican National Convention this year - a surprise he says people will love. So apparently he's not going." –Jay Leno
"Mitt Romney said he will not release any more tax returns. He said that he guarantees that he paid at least 13 percent every year. 13 percent? That's not a tax, that's a tip. In fact, it's even a crappy tip." –Jay Leno
"Thank you for coming out on a hot day. The heat has not let up here. It was 109 today in Los Angeles. I was sweating like a Medicare patient at a Romney-Ryan rally." –Jay Leno
"Record ratings for the Oscars last night. Kathryn Bigelow won best director for her film about the Iraq war. But in her speech, she forgot to thank the two people without whom this film could never have been made — Bush and Cheney." –Jay Leno
"Tea Party candidate Michele Bachmann said the Revolutionary War started in New Hampshire when it really started in Massachusetts. Interesting that a woman who believes so strongly in states rights can't get her states right." –Jay Leno
"Former President Bush announced today he is writing a book on how he made decisions while in the White House. The book will be divided into the two chapters, 'Heads' and 'Tails.'" –Jay Leno
Let me tell you something. Russia didn't make half the country poor or low income. Russia didn't render 63% of our residents unable to afford $1,000 emergency. Russia didn't make 29 million Americans not have healthcare. Russia didn't make medical costs the biggest reason for bankruptcies. Russia didn’t bury our citizens in debt. Russia didn't outsource our jobs. --Jimmy Dore 8/29/18
You know, Rachel Maddow can connect Kevin Bacon to Russia in just two steps. --Jimmy Dore 6/14/18
Recently a study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences suggested there could be as many as 11 billion planets capable of supporting life in the Milky Way alone. So if you feel like a meaningless speck, you may be on to something. —Jimmy Dore 1/29/14
"Tea Party candidate Michele Bachmann said the Revolutionary War started in New Hampshire when it really started in Massachusetts. Interesting that a woman who believes so strongly in states rights can't get her states right." –Jay Leno
"This is kind of disturbing. The Justice Department has concluded that the president can order drone strikes on American citizens. And today, Rush Limbaugh came out in favor of Obamacare." –Jay Leno
"Scientists announced that they have detected a brand new subatomic particle. This particle is so tiny, it's actually smaller than the income tax rate paid by Mitt Romney." –Jay Leno
"Life expectancy in the U.S. has risen to a new record of 78.2 years. The bad news is, the average age a person has to work to before they can retire is now 78.3 years." –Jay Leno
"The Broncos in the Super Bowl couldn't move the ball. The last time I saw a Bronco going that slow, OJ was driving it through L.A." –Jay Leno
"Jay-Z says that he and President Obama text each other regularly. In one text, Jay-Z was like, 'What's it like being the most powerful person in the world?' And Obama was like, 'I dunno. Ask Beyonce.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Yesterday Eliot Spitzer got the 4,000 signatures he needs to qualify for the city comptroller race by hiring people on Craigslist to help him. It was a big challenge, but if there's one thing Spitzer knows how to do, it's hire people on Craigslist." –Jimmy Fallon
"The U.S. government had a $116.5 billion surplus in June. Officials say they are now conducting an investigation to see what went wrong." –Jay Leno
"According to a new study in the Journal of American Medicine, marijuana can actually help make you thinner. Using marijuana can make you thinner unless you're taking it in brownie form." –Jay Leno
"Rick Perry said America's revolutionary war was fought in the 16th century. When told it was actually the 18th century, Perry apologized and said, 'I never said I was a geology major.'" –Conan O'Brien
"At the last Republican debate, the candidates were seated according to how they've been doing in the polls. So Jon Huntsman was seated next to Tim Pawlenty at a Denny's across the street." –Conan O'Brien
"Brian Williams said if he ever left his wife for a man, that man would be Bruce Springsteen. Which is a really weird way to begin the nightly news." –Conan O’Brien
"Rick Perry and Mitt Romney squared off at the Republican debate. The only thing they agreed on was 'shampoo, rinse, and repeat.'" –Jay Leno
"Don't they look like two guys waiting to audition for the same part in a soap opera?" –Jay Leno
"Actually, history was made at the Reagan Library last night. I believe it was the first time Michele Bachmann has ever been in a library." –Jay Leno
"The cool thing about the Reagan Library is that they have Reagan's Air Force One plane parked inside. That's about as close to Air Force One as any of them are going to get." –Jay Leno
"Rick Perry used to be a Democrat. But then again, Barack Obama used to be a Democrat too." –Jay Leno
"Rick Perry also defended his claim that Social Security is nothing but a Ponzi scheme. Michele Bachmann jumped on that. She told them flat out, "Hey, it has to be either a Fonzi scheme or a Potsie scheme. There was no ponzi..." –Jay Leno
"Earlier this evening President Obama gave his big jobs speech. So what we had tonight was a guy whose job nobody approves of, giving a speech about jobs that don't exist, to people who don't have any jobs. So it's a real positive, uplifting..." –Jay Leno
Of course a lot of great ideas come from outside of Washington. This isn’t one of them. An Arizona state legislator has proposed a bill to fund the border wall through a tax on porn. You want to start the next American revolution? Start taxing porn. As Patrick Henry once said, “Give me big naturals, or give me death.” --Stephen Colbert
The woman who wants to take away your porn is Arizona state rep Gail Griffin. Even if her bill passes, it may not be enough, because while Trump needs $5.7 Billion for his wall, Arizona plans on a tax of $20, but has only 7 million residents. That means to pay for the wall, every single Arizonan would have to look at porn 814 times. That could take hours. --Stephen Colbert
I have been working on a
paper for the Education Market.
The paper talks about using
video games as a teaching tool for
children with learning
disabilities.
The age demographic would be
8 to 18. Games could be up to the teacher or student to chose. Games might
include soccer, football, basketball, etc.
Students could learn about
various historical or fictional characters and create them as players for their
team. It would allow the student to study history, philosophy, religion,
sports, popular culture, etc. and then create the characters to be a part of
their team. The students would even be able to play along side their created
characters.
In this example I used PS4
Madden 17. On some of the teams historical figures like Martin Luther King, and
Abraham Lincoln will play on the same team with authors like Ernest Hemingway
and William Shakespeare, or Elvis Presley and Tupac Shakur.
The process is meant to be a
simple and fun way for kids to learn.
Maybe PS4/XBOX machines might
be donated or discounted to schools for these classes.
More on the paper as it is
fleshed out. Enjoy the simulations.
On the Indianapolis Colts
Former Colt players, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Dwight
Freeney, Robert Mathis
Offensive Line
LT Paul McCartney,
musician The Beatles
LG Jesus, some folks
Lord and Savior
C Charles Bukowski,
poet
RG God
RT John Lennon,
musician The Beatles
More Colts players include
Martin Luther King, Stephen
Hawking, Albert Einstein,
Muddy Waters, Winston
Churchill, Nelson Mandela
even characters from Star
Trek
Jeanluc Picard, Cmndr Worf,
Cmdr Data, James Kirk,
Mr Spock, Jonathan Archer,
Cmdr Tuvok, Geordi LaForge
Ben Sisko
and fictional characters
Jack Bauer, 24, played by
Keifer Sutherland
Nate Fisher, Six Feet Under,
played by Peter Krause
Also for sentimental reasons,
some fallen friends are on this team. Semper Fi. May you rest in peace.
Detroit Lions Fantasy
Roster
Offense
QB Booby Layne, NFL
HB Doak Walker, NFL
HB Barry Sanders, NFL
FB Mike Hammer, Mike
Hammer, played by Stacey Keach
WR Bernie Sanders,
progressive politician
WR Calvin Johnson, NFL
WR Herman Moore, NFL
WR Miles Davis,
musician
WR Byron Henry, Winds
of War, played by Jan Michael Vincent
TE Charlie Sanders, WR
TE Jimmy Dore, comedian
and political activist
TE Mike Malloy,
political commentator
Defense
LE Alex Karras, NFL
LE Cmndr Worf, Star
Trek, played by Michael Dorn
LE Sugar Ray Robinson,
boxer
LE Denzel Washington,
actor
RE Hafthor Bjornson,
actor
RE Nelson Mandela,
South African political leader
RE Ben Sisko, Star
Trek, played by Avery Brooks
RE Conor McGregor,
martial artist
RE Malcolm X, civil
rights leader
DT Sun Tzu, Chinese
military leader
DT Teal’c, Stargate
SG-1, played by Christopher Judge
LB Joe Louis, boxer
LB Luther Lavay, Any
Given Sunday, played by Lawrence Taylor
LB B.A. Baracus, The
A-Team, played by Mr. T
LB Connor MacManus, The
Boondock Saints, played by Sean Patrick Flanery
LB Billy Dee Williams,
actor
LB Joe Schmidt, NFL
LB Joe Kenda, police
detective
LB Lando Calrissian,
Star Wars, played by Billy Dee Williams
LB Meadowlark Lemon,
Harlem Globetrotters
LB Wayne Walker, NFL
LB Murphy MacManus, The
Boondock Saints, played by Norman Reedus
LB Nathanael Greene,
American Revolution
CB Lem Barney, NFL
CB Dick LeBeau, NFL
CB Jack Bauer, 24,
played by Keifer Sutherland
CB John Coltrane,
musician
CB Charlie Parker,
musician
FS Jackie Robinson, MLB
FS Salem Poor, American
Revolution
FS Daniel Jackson,
Stargate, played by James Spader
SS Jason Bourne, The
Bourne Identity, played by Matt Damon
