Thursday, February 18, 2016

how to keep Americans safe from Matt Damon

President Obama said he believes Mr. Trump will not be president because the American people “recognize that being president is a serious job. It's not hosting a talk show." Maybe I don't get to do “serious” stuff like pardoning a turkey on Thanksgiving but I'll tell you something, Mr. Obama: Every minute of every day I'm thinking about how to keep Americans safe from Matt Damon. –Jimmy Kimmel
Kendall and Kylie Jenner released a new iPhone app where it lets you enter the "glamorous and exciting world of Kendall and Kylie Jenner," another way of saying “stare at your phone for hours.” Once you download this app, your phone is no longer a smartphone. –Jimmy Kimmel

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