Challenge accepted

An Army lab has created a ready-to-eat pizza that lasts for three years. When he heard this, the CEO of Papa John’s said, "Challenge accepted." –Conan O’Brien

A recent study found that bottlenose dolphins sometimes murder other dolphins. However, police say it’s easy to find the culprit because dolphins love to squeal. –Conan O’Brien

Chris Christie announced yesterday that he's dropping out of the presidential race. Christie said he's not sure what he'll do now, and then someone reminded him he's still the governor of New Jersey. –Seth Meyers

Jeb Bush today said he is the only candidate who has the you-know-what to go up against Donald Trump. Oh, my god, Jeb. You can't claim to have balls if you don't even have the balls to say balls. –Seth Meyers